View Full Version : Political Humor

11-09-2003, 04:52 PM
You Have Two Cows:


You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cowlessness. Barbra Streisand sings for the cowless who couldn't go to the concert because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with three to four cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies you care about cowless people.


You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?


You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Capitalism, American Style

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.

Democracy, American Style

You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you have to sell both cows to support a man in a foreign country who only has one cow, which was a gift from your government.

American Corporation

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin a press release to the media stating that you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

Japanese Corporation

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are 1/10th the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after a taxpayer-paid, sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One makes milk, the other doesn't. You try to sell the transgender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business from a dairy farm to a beef farm. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamonte calls for higher taxes to help "working cows." Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7th of your farm, "for the children." Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The Los Angeles Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death. The Los Angeles Times analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif