View Full Version : POOL PLAYING GUY

04-17-2002, 08:15 AM
POOL PLAYING GUY (sung to the tune of "American Pie" with apologies to Don McLean)

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember how
That pool cue used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make that cueball dance,
And maybe I'd be winning for a while.

But lately I get the shivers,
With every shot that I deliver,
Railbirds on the doorstep...
I just couldn't beat that schlep.
I can't remember if I cried,
When he forced me to open my wallet wide.
But something touched me deep inside,
The day my pool game died.

So, I'm singing...
Bye bye Mr. Pool Playing Guy,
Took my cue to the hall but my skills were dry.
Those good ol' boys took my last nickel and dime,
And I'm singing "This'll be the day my game died",

Will I ever play again the game I love,
I'll pray in the name of God above,
If my game continues to blow.
Do I believe in my kicks and banks?
Can I rescue my game from the toilet tank?
Can someone tell me if they might know?

Well I know I'm in love with the game,
But will my skills ever be the same?
I've taken lessons and paid my dues,
But, Man my game is giving me the blues.

I was a lonely teenage pool hall shark,
So what caused my game to suddenly embark,
On a path where I was out of rolls and luck
The day my pool game died.

I started singing...
Bye bye Mr. Pool Playing Guy,
Gave my pool cue away and I began to cry.
Them railbirds were laughing and pointing at me,
Singing, "Look, His Pool game has died."
The day, my game went awry.

Now for ten years I've been taking lessons,
Paying close attention to every session,
But that's not how it used to be.
When the Karaoke crowd sang AC/DC and Queen
I was practicing in the corner, sight unseen,
A voice came and said to me,
"That guy over there, he wants to gamble,
Is your game still in pathetic shambles?"
My nineball demons had just adjourned,
And the verdict that was returned...

...He took this fish eleven to three,
And left my wallet completely empty,
And he sang loudly with beaming pride,
The day my pool game died.


Ken (talents unknown and some like it that way)

04-17-2002, 09:14 AM
I can't help but laugh. Kenny, are you just sitting around the house on your vacation? Come on, surely you can clean your shaft or something? Probably 10:15 in Texas 'bout now and you're probably thinking about gettin' a Texas size lunch and shining up your Texas sized belt buckle and lookin' for your Texas sized hat. But hey!!!!!!! The pool rooms in the DFW area are opening soon and you've got that beautiful new Schon to break in. Rackemup Kenny, have fun.


04-17-2002, 09:56 AM
I am forced to sit around the house during this week off. My wife has to work so no vacation week for us.

The Schon LTD & extra shaft are being retipped (don't like the medium tips that came with it), I don't own boots (yet) and the buckles on my belts, I am told, don't really "qualify as a buckle because they are too small. Texans call my buckles "clasps."

I have polished all of the shafts, waxed the butts of my jump cue and break cue, treated and polished my leather Instroke case, rearranged my tackle box, installed new line on all three rods, washed, folded and put away my laundry, cleaned house, watched Jerry Springer ("My mom is having an affair with my biker Husband's lesbian twin sister's cousin") and walked the dogs.

I'd mow the lawn but it's too wet from rain last night.

So yes...I'm bored. V-E-R-Y bored.


Ken (gonna sneak over to Hawley's tonight though and bang 'em around a bit)

04-17-2002, 11:54 AM
Shouldn't you do your sneaking when your wife is at work, the kids are at school, and nobody is watching. Hiding in plain site is very ballsy and while I respect you for it I think your plan is flawed. Well, good luck, sounds like you've done everything you could and that should make the little lady happy. Did you send your wife flowers today or are you going to suprise her when you come home tonight to tell her stories of you "snapping in the 9 on the hill"?

Kato~~~helping Ken overcome work

04-17-2002, 12:51 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr>Did you send your wife flowers today or are you going to suprise her when you come home tonight to tell her stories of you "snapping in the 9 on the hill"? <hr></blockquote>

Neither...going to suprise her with a bottle of her favorite cologne and an "All Day Pass" to CLICK'S!


Ken (will the giving EVER stop?)

04-17-2002, 03:52 PM
If you put this much effort into your pool game you could make a living at it.

~~0~~ (Thinks Ken is wasting his life with meaningless drivel)

04-17-2002, 04:13 PM
I beg to differ!

What I am wasting my life on is fishing, pool, our kids, my wife, our vacation house on a lake, our boat, our SUV, my job (which I do from home, with NO boss, whenever I feel like it), our dogs, kid's soccer, church, volunteer work and cooking!

If that is "meaningless drivel", I'll remain forever "Meaninglessly Driveled."


Ken (look...I just driveled again)

04-17-2002, 04:22 PM
Post deleted by Q-guy

04-17-2002, 04:28 PM
Industrial and Institutional chemicals (the legal stuff)


04-17-2002, 04:31 PM
Great idea, but you should have me write it for you. It would have maintained rhythm. Maybe that's what happened to your stroke - no rhythm!

04-17-2002, 04:36 PM
I tried humming and typing at the same time, lost my balance, fell, ripped my pants and got a knot on my head.

But you have to admit, it's not bad.


Ken (CAN'T sing but CAN gyrate his hips like Englebert Humperdink)

Ralph S.
04-17-2002, 10:47 PM
Just out of curiosity, what are you smokin' to come up with this stuff. It is absolutely hillarious.
Ralph S.&gt;wants some of the stuff Ken is on.....

04-18-2002, 05:01 AM
Ralph S,

Just "high" on life baby.

Seriously, I am one of the most "low-key" guys you could ever meet. One-liners at every turn. Sort of a Keith McCready except with a good car, a good job and clothes that match (Keith is one of my favorite players...just teasing Mc!)

I am capable of getting my "ire up" but most of the time, I'm just on "cruise control."

Have a great day,


04-18-2002, 07:11 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: rackmup:</font><hr>Just "high" on life baby.<hr></blockquote>

Or maybe it's those "Industrial and Institutional chemicals" in those old leaky containers you keep around the house!

Chris Cass
04-18-2002, 01:46 PM
My how you kill me Ken. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Well, since your last post.HAHAHAHA

Your friend,

C.C.~~needs extra change of clothes...Humperdink hahahaha