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dmgwalsh
12-16-2003, 09:02 AM
I just started playing in a bca 8 ball league this year. I'd never played ball in hand before, but I'm learning more and more about the game. I'm off and on. some nights I go 3 and 3, some nights 0 and 6, one night 6 and 0, one night 5 and 1. Some nights I win some I thought I should have lost and some nights the opposite is true.
Anyway, one of my teammates is very negative after every shot. I cringe to come back to my seat after missing a shot. He makes a pained expression and says "You should have made that. We need some points. You can't keep missing those.He's gonna run out." He says things like that to me and the other two teammates when they are playing. He even said things like that to me when I went 6 and 0. The other team member who got me involved says that's just how he is. He says they gave him a mock trophy once as most valuable player for the opposition. I tried to tell him that he should encourage teammates so that they do better, but he says he likes to criticize. I've dished it back to him because he doesn't really play any better than me, but that is counterproductive and doesn't stop him. I know that if I can play through his crap, I will be mentally stronger, but I don't look forward to driving round trip almost two hours every league night to experience his special gift.
I'm not the only one who feels this way on the team. I don't really want to quit because there are a lot of good people in this league. Any ideas on how to handle him? Or should i just suck it up and try to play through it?

Wally_in_Cincy
12-16-2003, 09:21 AM
That's a bunch of crap. But unless the other guys are willing to vote him off there's not a lot you can do.

I would just ignore him if you can. Or laugh at him.

cycopath
12-16-2003, 10:08 AM
Just offer him a big cup of "Shut the @#$% up"!

mike_in_iowa
12-16-2003, 10:17 AM
the only reason I would drive two hours to play 6 games of 8ball would be if I enjoyed the company. If this idiot is on the team you can't enjoy the experience. Find a league closer to home. Think of all the pool you could of played in that 2 hour round trip drive.

mike in iowa

UWPoolGod
12-16-2003, 10:25 AM
Yeah you are in the Chicago area...find an new team or tell the guy to zip it. Maybe don't site next to him when you play. I don't liked to be bothered to talked to during a match (want to concentrate) and so i find the furthest spot away from the possibility of being talked to...which includes the table where my teammates are sitting. If he wants to start in on you after the match is over...tell him "The match is over..get over it"

Todd <--- hates when weak teammates try wisecracks of give advise after misses to lighten the mood.

Kato
12-16-2003, 10:31 AM
Todd, I'm with you. When I play a game in league I try to get as far away from my teammates as possible. Just so I can get lost in my thoughts and pumped up in my game. After it's over I snap out of it and go back to normal.

Kato

PS. There's no place on a team for that.

cheesemouse
12-16-2003, 10:37 AM
dmgwalsh,
Tough situation to be in on a team. Life is too short. I've been in a like postition in both pool and golf. In the pool situation the guy just didn't seem to get it when the other members of the team suggested his negativity was not condusive to good pool play or a good time. He was not a bad guy in all other aspects. As last resort too asking him to leave the team one of the guys suggested we record his nay saying and play it back to him on the drive home. We were all pretty nervous not knowing what would come of it so we got pretty pissed up before we jumped in car for the ride home...the short story is it worked. Before the ride was over we were all laughing our fool heads off. He couldn't believe some of things he had said. I guess it was the first time he had ever heard his own words of negativity played back to him. He finally understood where we were coming from and all was well after that.

In the golf situation it was a regular foursome with the one guy who had never had a good lie, never had a makeable putt and never hit a shot solid( even after being told 'nice shot' his reply would be "I miss it"). The three of us got together and instituted and new rule on the first tee box one day. We called it the 'Whiny rule' and the way it worked was: if a guy commented on his shot before, during or after and the other three agreed it was whiny it would cost him a stroke. It was democracy in action and it helped us all with our games. The guy that caused us to make the rule dropped three strokes from his handicap by the end of the year. It wasn't total relief because he could still whin between teeboxes and took full advantage of the loop hole...LOL

PQQLK9
12-16-2003, 11:46 AM
Print a copy of this thread and give it to ALL team members. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

UWPoolGod
12-16-2003, 12:01 PM
...or just knock him in a puddle like that penguin. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Scott Lee
12-16-2003, 12:09 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote cheesemouse:</font><hr> dmgwalsh,
I've been in a like postition in both pool and golf. In the pool situation the guy just didn't seem to get it when the other members of the team suggested his negativity was not condusive to good pool play or a good time. He was not a bad guy in all other aspects. As last resort too asking him to leave the team one of the guys suggested we record his nay saying and play it back to him on the drive home. We were all pretty nervous not knowing what would come of it so we got pretty pissed up before we jumped in car for the ride home...the short story is it worked. Before the ride was over we were all laughing our fool heads off. He couldn't believe some of things he had said. I guess it was the first time he had ever heard his own words of negativity played back to him. He finally understood where we were coming from and all was well after that.<hr /></blockquote>

Dennis...Cheese has made a VERY good suggestion, and you could do it surreptiously quite easily, with a small voice recorder, just left recording on the table where you all sit. If, after hearing the tape, the guy STILL doesn't get it, he should be kicked off the team...no ifs, ands, or buts! Otherwise, go play with Armellino's team...he's MUCH more mellow! LOL

Scott

Chris Cass
12-16-2003, 12:36 PM
Bummer,

I'd let him finish talking and ask him, "I'm sorry, did you say something?" You really want to pi$$ him off just tell him your just there to qualify and to have some fun.

There's so many players out there that no it all and some that are unteachable too. Constructive advice is good when spoken in a constructive way. I myself am guilty of doing the same thing to my son. I recognize this and pick the times I tell him something and the way I tell him. If I do see something he needs help with I'll show him in a way that lets him think of it first.

Maybe the fella means well but needs to see it's backfiring on him. The other side of the coin too is, you could have someone who just plain doesn't care at all. In any event, stick up for yourself and tell him at a team meeting, that he's alienating the team.

Regards,

C.C.

Voodoo Daddy
12-16-2003, 12:39 PM
Sorry CC...did you say something?
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

bluewolf
12-16-2003, 01:12 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote dmgwalsh:</font><hr>Anyway, one of my teammates is very negative after every shot. I cringe to come back to my seat after missing a shot. He makes a pained expression and says "You should have made that. We need some points. You can't keep missing those.He's gonna run out." He says things like that to me and the other two teammates when they are playing. ...I've dished it back to him because he doesn't really play any better than me, but that is counterproductive and doesn't sop him. I know that if I can play through his crap, I will be mentally stronger,
<hr /></blockquote>

I dont see how putting up with that kind of 'verbal insults' will make you a stronger player. It seems like it makes you not look forward to league play, when it is supposed to be fun.

Giving it back probably just feeds his sick venom...laughing in his face, calling him silly might work but getting on his level, I do not think so.

Good luck getting a better team. We had a girl on our team noone liked because of constant complaining. We disbanded the team and reformed with nearly all of the original players but she was not invited. When asked why, she was told the truth. That was when I used to play league...

Laura

dmgwalsh
12-16-2003, 02:00 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Scott Lee:</font><hr> <hr /></blockquote>

Dennis...Cheese has made a VERY good suggestion, and you could do it surreptiously quite easily, with a small voice recorder, just left recording on the table where you all sit. If, after hearing the tape, the guy STILL doesn't get it, he should be kicked off the team...no ifs, ands, or buts! Otherwise, go play with Armellino's team...he's MUCH more mellow! LOL

Scott

<hr /></blockquote>Scott- It is Armellino's team I'm talking about. Not John, but a friend of his since either grade school or high school. When i mentioned it to John, he just said that's how he is. John gets aggravated too, but they go way back.

dmgwalsh
12-16-2003, 02:07 PM
Thanks for all of the good suggestions. I like the guy who's the captain of the team and the complainer has been friends with him since they were kids, so unless he changes somehow, I'll try another league or team next year. He just doesn't seem to get it. I asked him if he knew of any other team sport where a teammate would constantly critcize and try to drag a teammate down. I mentioned how when he missed a shot, I would say something to the effect of just relax, don't worry about it, etc. It hasn't sunk in yet. Thanks again. D

OnePocketChamp
12-17-2003, 07:35 AM
I feel your pain, a BCA cash league can be very rough on a new player breaking into that format that plays on a competitve team but that doesn't excuse this players behavior. As a suggestion, the next time he tells you something critical about the way you played a shot or chose your run-out pattern, reply with this: "Thank you for caring enough to share, would you remember that shot/pattern and then work with me on it in a practice session? Your after shot input to me during a match isn't working to make me a better player, so can we try this instead?"
If this doesn't work, then play out your schedule and WALK!!!!

hadenball
12-17-2003, 11:34 AM
Cycopath I tend to agree with your response!! or maybe even" If I want any crap from you I'll squeeze your head"!
Some people you have to just get rude with, they don't get it any other way.

bigbro6060
12-18-2003, 12:58 AM
Sleep with his wife/girlfriend , then when he starts to have a whine, say "INSERT HER NAME HERE had no complaints about my performance last saturday night!"

/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

rukiddingme
12-18-2003, 07:19 AM
Sometimes teammates get so involved in the match and their constructive criticism can be destructive. I've found myself doing that sometimes.
We have to remember that there are different ways to look at the table. Most of all we must remember that we pay to play and are not paid to play...at least the teams that I hang around with...lol
The next time the player in question misses a shot rip into him, hang him by his balls (pun intended) and ask him how that feels?
When you are playing pick a coach and tell th e team that"So and So is my coach and I just want to hear feedback from him during my match." If he still bothers you tell him to Shut the ___up! and go bother the opposition instead of your teammates. If that does not work just hit him over the head with your stick. /ccboard/images/graemlins/mad.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/mad.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/mad.gif
If you need more advice as to vioently take care of this guy don't hesitate to ask... /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
ruk
(i think i just got rid of a lot of pent up aggression /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif...lol)
ruk

Fred Agnir
12-18-2003, 11:19 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote dmgwalsh:</font><hr>
Anyway, one of my teammates is very negative after every shot.

I tried to tell him that he should encourage teammates so that they do better, but he says he likes to criticize. I've dished it back to him because he doesn't really

Any ideas on how to handle him? Or should i just suck it up and try to play through it? <hr /></blockquote>
I'll attack this one from a completely different angle. Welcome to league pool. Most if not all teams has a teammate that bitches about players' misses. You're not going to change him, since that's his persona off the field, long developed before league pool was ever his current distraction.

I would argue that every league team needs the "bitcher." A team needs motivation. And if it's one negative guy that does that, then that might be a positive.

If I had any real advice, I'd say that the proper response to "you should have made that, we need the points" is "I know it." Nothing good comes of it, IMO, if you counter bitch. Truth is, you should have made that and you do need the points. So, he's not saying anything you don't know. Acknowledge it. Maybe that's what will diffuse his negativity (but not eliminate the bitching).

FWIW,

Fred &lt;~~~ normally not the bitcher

dmgwalsh
12-18-2003, 01:25 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Fred Agnir:</font><hr>
I'll attack this one from a completely different angle. Welcome to league pool. Most if not all teams has a teammate that bitches about players' misses. You're not going to change him, since that's his persona off the field, long developed before league pool was ever his current distraction.

I would argue that every league team needs the "bitcher." A team needs motivation. And if it's one negative guy that does that, then that might be a positive.

If I had any real advice, I'd say that the proper response to "you should have made that, we need the points" is "I know it." Nothing good comes of it, IMO, if you counter bitch. Truth is, you should have made that and you do need the points. So, he's not saying anything you don't know. Acknowledge it. Maybe that's what will diffuse his negativity (but not eliminate the bitching).

FWIW,

Fred &lt;~~~ normally not the bitcher

<hr /></blockquote>

He's really not a motivator. He's just a bitcher.

I do acknowledge when i miss that I should have made something. But he continually whines in my ear as I'm waiting to shoot again. Once the shot is over , you got to get your mind set on approaching the new layout (if you get one) with a positive attitude. Dredging up the past is not conducive to dealing with the present. The time to think about your mistakes is when you are practicing.

Eric.
12-18-2003, 01:29 PM
Fred,

I'll throw my 2 pennies in.

While I agree that sometimes it's helpful to have someone point out your mistakes, it has to be done right. I can live with "Dude, you should have beared down on that shot. You took it for granted", it would piss me off to hear "Aww what the F, how can you miss that?!"


Eric &gt;semantics