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04-18-2002, 01:55 PM
A fellow with a small monkey on his shoulder walked into a neighborhood tavern. As he sat down at the bar, the monkey jumped down from his shoulder and began running around.

"You can't come in here with that animal" the bartender bellowed, "get him outta here!"

"Hey" said the monkey's owner "where's the problem? He's clean, housebroken and no trouble. Besides, I just came in for a quick beer and we'll both leave."

"Well, OK. But get him off my bar. You can take him into the Pool Room out back. I'll bring you your beer."

A few minutes later, as the bartender took the man his beer, he saw the monkey up on a pool table rolling the cue ball around.

"Get him off of that table, and get that ball away from him. That's a genuine ivory cue ball" the bartender screamed.

"Relax. What can he do to hurt a cue ball?" replied the owner.

At that very moment, the monkey picked up the cue ball, glared at the bartender, and swallowed the ball!

Furious, the bartender demanded of the owner "You better replace that cue ball, Buddy, or that monkey's history!"

"Hey, I'm sorry" said the owner, "I'll have the ball back for you in a day or so, good as new."

Two days later, the man and his monkey returned to the tavern. As he sat down at the bar, the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the cue ball. Indeed, it was as good as new.

While the man apologized again to the bartender, the monkey ran down the bar to a bowl of peanuts. He picked out a peanut, inserted it into his backside, pulled it out again and ate it.

As the bartender watched, the monkey repeated this curious routine several more times. He'd pick up a peanut, insert it into his behind, remove it and eat it.

"What the hell's that crazy monkey doing?" demanded the bartender. "Does he always do that when he eats?"

"Well", the owner responded "He just started doing that yesterday. Seems that after the incident with the cue ball, he insists on checking everything he eats for size first."

Chris Cass
04-20-2002, 02:25 AM
That's sick Sid....

Here's one.

This leper walks into the bar and yells, Hey bartender, give me a beer. The bartender walks over and gives the guy a beer and grabs his mouth, runs into the back and throws up.
Five minutes later the leper yells again, Hey bartender, give me another beer. The bartender comes over and gives the guy a beer, grabs his mouth and runs into the back and throws up.

This goes on most of the night. Finally the leper says, Hey bartender, come hear. The bartender comes over and the leper says, everytime I order a beer. You come over and after serving me the beer you grab your mouth and run into the backroom and throw up. I'm truly sorry, my sores must sicken you.

The bartender reply's, It's not you mister, the drunk next to you, keeps dipping his chips into your arm.


Now that's really sick,

C.C.~~no disrespect to any one with leprocy. It's just a joke I heard and stuck in my head.

Vagabond
04-20-2002, 02:42 AM
Hello Mates,
I like Monkey tricks. cheers
vagabond