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View Full Version : need advice from my CCB friends



sack316
12-23-2003, 09:03 AM
hey all, its been a little bit since I last posted, but here goes. My fiance is back from the military for about 2 weeks for X-mas, supposed to be the time I've been looking forward to for months. Well, the first night we went out and proceeded to get pretty trashed, and me in my drunken state completely showed my ass. Since then I haven't been able to dig out of my hole, and she's still getting pissed over things I don't even control such as my friends that are worried about me, somehow its my fault that my friends side with me even when I'm wrong. But sparing all those details and making a long story short, I just want to make it all up to her somehow and so far nothing I'm doing is quite cutting it. So if anyone has any good ideas on little things I can do to try to make things right and get back in good graces I'd greatly appreciate it. I just want to give her the 2 weeks she deserves, and so far I've done a pretty bad job. Thanks in advance and happy holidays to all my CCB family!

Wally_in_Cincy
12-23-2003, 09:24 AM
Flowers can go a long way towards mending fences. At least I can guarantee she won't refuse them. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

and write a nice note to go with them

hope this helps

Wally~~been there, you know the drunken, showin' yer ass thing.....

JimS
12-23-2003, 09:24 AM
Too many variables for a good answer. Bottom line...maybe you did her wrong to the extent that you've shown that you are not a trustworthy person. If that's the case she may forgive you but may choose to not get close to you again.

You may have blown it. Or, it just might take time to heal the wound...like the wounds her psyche are taking from whatever the hell she's having to fade in the military. That's no place for a young person to be. Too real....but that's another thread.

My opinion, act according to you best standards and be aware that when you get drunk all those standards just might go out the window. After 10 years of drinking a quart of whiskey a day I oughta know...and I do.

pooltchr
12-23-2003, 09:32 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Wally_in_Cincy:</font><hr> Flowers can go a long way towards mending fences. At least I can guarantee she won't refuse them. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

and write a nice note to go with them

hope this helps

Wally~~been there, you know the drunken, showin' yer ass thing..... <hr /></blockquote>

I agree. One thing to add, if possible, have flowers delivered to her in a public place. I always send them to the office. Then all her friends can ohh and ahhh over them. Scores a couple of extra brownie points!

sack316
12-23-2003, 09:33 AM
thanks guys, I'll try to do the flower thing but all my money is wrapped up on the couch in her present. I am going to get a card in a few minutes and I'm working on making a CD for her now. Other than that guess I'll do my best groveling and sucking up and hope to get through it. Thanks for your help fellas, I do appreciate it.

Wally_in_Cincy
12-23-2003, 09:38 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote pooltchr:</font><hr>..if possible, have flowers delivered to her in a public place. I always send them to the office. Then all her friends can ohh and ahhh over them. Scores a couple of extra brownie points! <hr /></blockquote>

Absolutely. If the other gals don't see them they don't pack as much weight.

I would have said that but his girl is on military leave.

sack316
12-23-2003, 09:46 AM
nice touch. Since she's on leave there's no office to go to... but you gave the the idea of maybe me picking them up and when she's out and about at night I can have a buddy take them wherever she's at then. And oh man would it be sweet if it were at the same bar I made such an ass of myself at in the first place. Then she can get them right in from of her little friend that absolutely villanized me and has made my situation worse. Wow, you guys are good!

Sid_Vicious
12-23-2003, 10:08 AM
Funny you brought this up, I was just discussing the same past situations with a co-worker of mine that I've seen and personally had around the holidays and special events. I have definitely been miserable through far too many vacations and holidays being in the dog house. I always stayed in too, just maybe I made one or two successes, but the odds just never worked for me as I remember it.

I'm the last person to ask advice for this one. Good luck is all I have to offer, and whatever you do, do something different than I did with my mirror-like past situations, cuz I never found a level of grovel that did anything more than imbed the anger even deeper, kinda like a reinforcement for retaliation. Male weakness = female argumentative power, and women, at least the ones I've had, really loved a good dagger twist in the heart and salt in the wound when the power was all on their side. I hope you are lucky and have the other type.

One winning story I did have was simply telling my GF at the time that "I don't need this, me and Jack(my best friend) are going to Mexico!" and I took off. Jack and I were in the motions of getting it together for Mexico and she tracked me down, saying she was sorry and that she wanted me back home, not in Mexico. I guess I had the power, I dunno. I'll always miss never seeing Mexico with my buddy. Jack didn't live to be 50, cancer, and like Willie Nelson once said, "We never got to see old Mexico." My ex-GF is still kicking around, life turns out funny sometimes....sid

sack316
12-23-2003, 11:02 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Sid_Vicious:</font><hr>
I'm the last person to ask advice for this one. Good luck is all I have to offer, and whatever you do, do something different than I did with my mirror-like past situations, cuz I never found a level of grovel that did anything more than imbed the anger even deeper, kinda like a reinforcement for retaliation. Male weakness = female argumentative power, and women, at least the ones I've had, really loved a good dagger twist in the heart and salt in the wound when the power was all on their side. I hope you are lucky and have the other type.
<hr /></blockquote>

You know, thats actually a good observation because thats been true of her so far... especially when her friends are around and they are turning words around and such.I'll keep that in mind through this, and I may be back on here later seeing if anyone wants to ride with me to Mexico!

pooltchr
12-23-2003, 11:35 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote sack316:</font><hr> Wow, you guys are good! <hr /></blockquote>

I can't speak for Wally, but in my case, it's just many years of trial and error. (Mostly ERROR!!!!)

bluewolf
12-23-2003, 12:28 PM
I am very sorry to hear this. No matter what you did, I always hate to see anyone miserable around the holidays.

From experience it has been sometimes hard to tell if I was the one with the problem or the other person was or some of both.

Alcohol also has bad consequences sometimes and I guess that is something you will have to look at unless you are ready to stop.

Again I am sorry that the two of you are having problems but at least you are not married so if you cannot patch it up, you can learn from your mistakes and hers and do better next go round.

Laura

Chris Cass
12-23-2003, 01:03 PM
Hi sack,

I'll give you the best advice on this subject you'll ever hear. I feel this way because I'm not only a stud muffin but I know women. Take he to a quiet place, somewhere romantic and you can be all alone. Tell her how you truely feel and what you want this time you have togather to be like. Now, if you can't put this into words you could always show her your post. Honesty is always the best gift you can give anyone ever. Scary for a guy but sometimes you have to open your heart.

Good luck,

C.C.

sack316
12-23-2003, 01:48 PM
thanks CC for your advice. I've tried talking, but when she gets upset her way is to not talk, where I on the other hand have to talk it out right then. Unfortunately it tends to result in her getting mad cuz I won't leave it be right then and I get mad for her shutting me out. We are talking now and have actually spent a little time together last night. I made a very nice CD for her and got her a couple of cards today. I'm hoping to take her to a fancy dinner or something where we can be alone, without both of our friends around messing things up worse like they have.
I appreciate all of y'alls input, ideas, and concern. I'll keep you posted on anything that may happen (hopefully it will be a very happy update from me)

Sid_Vicious
12-23-2003, 01:59 PM
"and I may be back on here later seeing if anyone wants to ride with me to Mexico!"

My GF knew I was really going to go, otherwise I'm sure I would have had crow for dinner. Actually Chris made the most sense under your curcumstances. The sooner you honestly lay everything out and wait for an answer, the better, and then know you've tried and let it go. I find that lakes and overlooks are great for these kinds of talks...sid~~~repeat after me, "Uno mas' cervasa, por favor'", you'll need at least that much to get by in Old Mexico

SPetty
12-23-2003, 06:00 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Chris Cass:</font><hr> I'll give you the best advice on this subject you'll ever hear. I feel this way because I'm not only a stud muffin but I know women. Take her to a quiet place, somewhere romantic and you can be all alone. Tell her how you truly feel and what you want this time you have together to be like. Now, if you can't put this into words you could always show her your post. Honesty is always the best gift you can give anyone ever. Scary for a guy but sometimes you have to open your heart. <hr /></blockquote>Wow, I think I love you, you stud muffin you. /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif

From my experience, it's really this easy...

SPetty
12-23-2003, 06:02 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Sid_Vicious:</font><hr> ~~~repeat after me, "Uno mas' cervesa, por favor'", you'll need at least that much to get by in Old Mexico <hr /></blockquote>And don't forget the almost equally important phrase: Donde esta el bano?

Barbara
12-23-2003, 06:30 PM
SPetty,

I love him too, but we can share. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Whatever sack316 did is past history. He should be honest that he made a fool of himself, that it won't happen again while GF is home, and just wants to share some quality time with GF which will mean doing things he's not too skippy with, but GF GOES BACK in a short time, so why not?

Let the GF spend some time with her GFs, but understand that she's been in a pretty sterile environment when it comes to partying and liquor isn't an optional beverage. So she hasn't seen this kind of behavior in a long time and may not be into it anymore. Plus, being over there can't be easy on the psyche and you really question the quality in relationships because you have the time to do it.

But be a man and admit you were a bit of a jerk the other night and will try to do better. Then that's that.

Good luck! And if she doesn't forgive you, then maybe you should consider moving on because torturing you for one night's transgression isn't worth two weeks' of mind games.

Barbara

sack316
12-23-2003, 06:45 PM
hey all, thanks again. Just to clarify I already did admit to being the bad guy and being the biggest jerk ever. On a good note she and I just talked and I am fixing to meet up with her to go have a nice dinner. So hopefully that can open up the lines of communication so we can get somewhere in this, be it good or bad its better than having to wonder, right? Wish me luck and I'll keep you posted. And thanks again for the advice.

nAz
12-23-2003, 08:12 PM
It's all good advice personaly i would just find someone else /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

ps do not ever get married. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

sack316
12-24-2003, 04:10 PM
hey all, just wanted to hop on here to give an update for those who care. I took her out to a nice dinner. We're both kinda sick so nothing too special there, we didn't talk alot and she was just like blah. Then we decide to go to the movies, Lord of The Rings (good God that movie is too freakin long, but very good.) I'm denied of holding hands-ouch. After this we go to my pool hall, I'm a little dejected at the time but yet still hopeful since we were actually spending time together-be it affectionate or not. And of course at the pool hall we run into HER friends, one of which has been an instigator in many bad things. So me and her shoot next to their group, and to my surprise she is being nice to me-I realize it was because she was in a rare "nice drunk" state of hers. But I'll take it since she is a big influence on my girl. We actually have a decent time (probably because she was getting buzzed with her friends-but again I'll take it). So now she wants to go to this bar that I'm good friends with the owner of, so I'm cool cuz that saves me alot of money drinking there (thank goodness for good friends that own bars!) So she's doing good, I'm talking to a mutual friend of ours telling him about the other night and also brought up about how I never got to give her the proposal I wanted when we got engaged. His drunk ass comes with the good idea of doing it right now. I told him I would, but only if he checked on if she was good with me, because I didn't want to get crushed! He comes back to me, hands me her ring, then he proceeds to get the misuc cut off, and another friend gathered the whole freakin bar around. So I do it, she accepts again... and then the whole world has to buy us a shot apparently, so we're gone pretty quick-- had to carry her up to my apartment. So far today in a sober state its been better than it was, but we're still not at the point we were before. I'll just keep on taking baby steps, and maybe the magic of Christmas will do its charms and help her lose the attitude she's developed and I'll get my sweetheart back being sweet again.
Sorry so long, just lettin y'all know, and I really do appreciate the concern and help. You all have a Merry Christmas and a safe new year!

Chris Cass
12-24-2003, 10:15 PM
/ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif,

C.C.~~I feel the same for you. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Chris Cass
12-24-2003, 10:20 PM
/ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif,

I don't know if I ever told you this but when I seen the way you and Pete share your love walking hand and hand in Vegas. I saw the sparkle in your eyes when you looked at him, I felt so happy for you both. Pete's got one special girl and I have one special friend. Well, now that I think of it I have a few. I'm very happy.

Regards,

C.C.~~ /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif