PDA

View Full Version : The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men ;-)



Sid_Vicious
12-31-2003, 01:30 PM
The 5 questions most feared by men are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Football.
b. Golf.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat").

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: $hit.

9 Ball Girl
12-31-2003, 02:03 PM
Whether male or female, if you have to ask that Do you love me? question to your partner or whatever, move on.

I've always liked Al Bundy's response to the Does this dress make me look fat? question:

It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's your fat that makes you look fat. Bahahahahahahaha!

Wendy<---forever an Al Bundy fan

Sid_Vicious
12-31-2003, 02:12 PM
"Wendy<---forever an Al Bundy fan"

Sumthin' else in common. I've seen all of the shows many times, but still adjust my schedule to get in front of the TV by 730PM for another view.

I also like Peggy's humor, like on the episode where Kelly and Al were making a movie, and they were showing the stick fuigures drawn on white poster board, and Peg's answer when it was stated the figure of Al did not look much like Al was, "If you shorted that stick right there it would."