View Full Version : Humor, My Turn ;-)

04-19-2002, 02:04 PM
The teacher asked her class, "Who said 'Give me liberty or give me death!'" Little Suzuki said, "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?" Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln in the Gettysburg Address, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs." Suzuki put his hand up, "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little *&^%. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh &^%$, we're in BIG trouble!" Suzuki solemnly said, "Arthur Andersen to Enron, 2002."

04-19-2002, 02:18 PM
The school teacher gets up in front of her class and says,
"Time for the guessing game!"
She held a pencil behind her back and said to the class,
"I have something behind my back that it long, skinny and is yellow"
Little Johnny Raised his hand and replied " It's a banana!
NO it's a pencil, but I like your imagination, the teacher replied
Next she held and orange behind her back and told the class,
"Now I have something that is round and orange"
Little Susie Yelled out, "It's an Orange Beach ball"
No, it's an orange, but I like your imagination the teacher replied.
Johnny Says,
"Now it's my turn, I have something in my pants that is round, Very Very Hard and has a head on it"
Now that's NOT appropriate for class Johnny and I am very mad at you for saying something like that in class!"
No, it's a quarter, but I like your imagination, was Johnny answer.

04-19-2002, 07:06 PM
Hello Mates,
I immensely enjoyed both the Jokes.Cheers

04-19-2002, 07:33 PM
Outstanding, I love it !!!


Dr. D.

04-19-2002, 08:47 PM
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?"

She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice:

"I don't fink my pyfon really gives a thit!"

04-20-2002, 12:56 AM
You've just hit a long home run to left center field Mr. Elliott-------Marty

Chris Cass
04-20-2002, 01:09 AM

Oh Rod............You kill me...C.C.

04-21-2002, 10:17 PM
Winfield Courier, Thursday, May 7, 1885.

The following verses may throw some light upon the true meaning of the word mugwumps. The names used for birds or bats are not found in the dictionary; but Judge Bennett says they are all found in the swamps of Eastern North Carolina.

The mugwump roosts in the hollow log,

The sagwag sits in the tree;

Whenever I hear the hogwig sing

My heart is sad in me.

Whenever the snagpop toots his toot

To the wail of the migwag hen,

And the nigfunk chirps in the shrilly night,

You bet I'm lonely then.

04-22-2002, 05:28 AM
Sid, Rod and Mr. Labbe:

<font color=red>L</font color=red><font color=green>M</font color=green><font color=orange>B</font color=orange><font color=purple>O</font color=purple><font color=red>!</font color=red>


Ken (forwarded these to my Father-in-Law...he loves a good joke)

05-15-2002, 05:04 PM
A farmer is sitting
in the village pub getting drunk.

A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you

sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk""

Farmer: "Some things you just can"t explain."

Man: "So what happened that is so horrible""

Farmer: "Well, if you must know, today I was sitting

by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full,

she took her left leg and kicked it over"

Man: "That"s not so bad, what"s the big deal""

Farmer: "Some things you just can"t explain. "

Man: "So then what happened""

Farmer: "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the

left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her.

Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it
over. "

Man: "Again" So what did you do then""

Farmer: "I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. "

Man: "And then what."

Farmer: "I sat back down and continued to milk her and just as I

got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with
her tail."

Man: "Wow, you must have been pretty upset."

Farmer: "~"

Man: "So then what did you do""

Farmer: "Well, I didn"t have any more rope,

so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.

At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.

05-15-2002, 05:14 PM
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said

"Dang! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".

"Yeah, my wife..."