View Full Version : Funniest thing you ever saw in a pool hall?
01-10-2004, 08:50 PM
Whats the funniest thing you ever saw in a pool hall?
One fine saturday afternoon some dads were charged with looking after the little devil children. They beat the balls around and drank liquor they snuck in while the kids ran amok. The counterman and I were trying to play gin and chain smoke in peace, but it was not to be. The kids were going nuts and the counterman had to ask the dads a couple times to calm the kids a little bit because one might get hurt. They didn't pay attention. And the brattiest little kid began running at top speed. Apparently the Pin Bot machine was transparent because he ran directly into the side of it at top speed for no discernable reason. His head was the exact height of the cabinet and his feet fit nicely under. The impact of his head and body on the machine was quite loud and interesting sounding. There was a moment just like in the cartoons when the kid's head and torso was stuck on the side of the pinball machine, his feet were under it, and he was suspended in midair. Soon enough he hit the floor, but there was some delay before the inevitable scream. I guess he had to get some air back in his lungs and get some composure before he could howl. He was not seriously injured, but we laughed before we knew that for sure. When the dads and brats left we really LOFAO. You shoulda been there. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
Then there was this time....
A lot of funny stuff happens in pool halls. Too many things to list.
01-11-2004, 01:56 AM
Way back in the 60's when I started my quest going to as many pool rooms as I could in my life, I was watching a couple of guys playing 9 ball. There were quite a few of us watching this match sitting through out the room. There was one guy sitting a ways back from the end of the table where the balls were racked. Yes, you probably guessed! The cue ball went airborne and hit this spectator right smack in the middle of the forehead and ..."like in slow motion" ...he fell over sideways right on the floor.
Two days later he still had a red spot in the middle of his forehead...
01-11-2004, 04:24 AM
/ccboard/images/graemlins/cool.gif I saw a guy named Paul Miles get completely naked in a pool hall in Dothan, Ala. with about 200 people in the place and half were females and refused to put his clothes back on until the set was over. I believe this was in the book "The Green Felt Jungle". /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
01-11-2004, 07:48 AM
We were at the MOMA which is a state Valley Tounament in Minnesota (Rochester). There was a guy named Tyrone. He tried a hard stroke and the cue jumped off the table, bounced off the floor, landed on the next table down which had a game in prgress. The other game had just started so all the balls were still on the table. Somehow the jumped cue ball didn't touch another ball and went right into the far corner pocket. That was the shot of the Tournament.
01-11-2004, 08:44 AM
I've never actually witnessed this myself, but there's a local player who's called Fat "name witheld to protect the innocent" who wears elastic pants, who has on more than one occasion bent over to shoot, and his pants have dropped off! I have no idea if he shot through or not. Maybe some of the other DFW posters here have actually seen this event in person and will respond...sid
01-11-2004, 11:29 AM
This wouldn't be Fat Ralph by any chance would it? I saw him at the last fast eddies tournament but fortunately I didn't see 'all' of him.
01-11-2004, 11:58 AM
Yea it was. I don't suppose it's something to strive for, but you might be observant when you watch his game in the future cuz this event is supposedly semi frequent. I'd find some suspenders if I was him. Ralph has game though...sid
01-11-2004, 03:13 PM
A guy, totally bewildered, walking around the table with a tray of balls in his hand looking for something. Someone at the next table asked what he was looking for. The guy replied, I am looking for the place to put in my quarters!
If I did not see it, I would not have believed it !
01-11-2004, 06:21 PM
Had to be Grady Mathews throwing down his stick and charging R Richeson around the table over some minor verbal offense. RR's girlfriend jumped out of her seat, grabbed a stick and started chasing and cursing at Grady as Grady was still chasing RR around the table.
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Doctor_D:</font><hr> Good evening:
A guy, totally bewildered, walking around the table with a tray of balls in his hand looking for something. Someone at the next table asked what he was looking for. The guy replied, I am looking for the place to put in my quarters!
If I did not see it, I would not have believed it ! <hr /></blockquote>
This is almost standard. I can't tell you how many times I saw people dump a full tray (hard of course) out on a billiard table and then ask where the holes were. Sometimes they ask if it's a practice table. It should be legal to take a house cue and butt end them to death, but of course that's a felony and all you can do is explain that's it's a billiard table.
01-11-2004, 09:08 PM
I was playing in England at a pub, when I went down stairs and turned a quick corner. I was a little buzzed and my arms were a little floppy and when I went passed this girl bent over shooting, my hand happened to go up her dress(very short) and she was not wearing underwear.
01-11-2004, 09:53 PM
He sure does, I was really surprised he didn't do much better in the tourney. I think he had a couple losses on the hill. I saw him make some incredible shots.
01-11-2004, 10:09 PM
There used to be a hall in our small town that was run by an alcoholic in his mid 30s that was so full of ego,it's a wonder he could get through the door.He also thought he was the ultimate pool player.Anyway,on tournament night he drew a friend of mine (Donnie)who's tough to handle and Donnie beat him 3 in a row to put him in the looser's bracket.He worked his way through the looser's bracket to meet Donnie again at the end of the tournament and Donnie beat him 3 in a row again.This is where it got funny,he had a temper tantrum few children could come close to.He threw anything that wasn't nailed down,napkin dispensers,bottles,cups,you name it,then swept what was left on the counter onto the floor with his arm.The cash register drawer was open,he slammed it closed so hard that some coins got jammed between the drawer and the inside of the register,it took about 15 to 20 minutes to get it open.
If you're ever in Lexington and are playing with a blond haired fellow named Paul,you might consider throwing the game,it might be him!!!!!!!!!!
01-12-2004, 06:56 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote JPB:</font><hr>... I can't tell you how many times I saw people dump a full tray (hard of course) out on a billiard table and then ask where the holes were. ...<hr /></blockquote>
TomCincy has a whole list of these type of things.
I saw a new one just last weekend. SnookerS in Cincy has a back room with 8-foot tables and a front room with 9-foot tables. I was playing 14.1 in the front when a couple of guys walked by with a tray of balls. One guy says to the other <font color="red">"This is 9-ball up here. 8-ball is in the back" </font color>
01-12-2004, 08:59 AM
Stopped in a place eairly in the day, had about fifty tables and one customer, a young girl. Wandered around trying to find the table I'd rented and finally asked her where the heck were the table numbers. Turned out to be next to her of all places in a big empty room.
So I racked 9 ball and started to get used to the table. Pretty soon she looks over and says "sir, you are susposed to put all the balls on the table". Asked why she said very seriously "Well you only have one striped ball the way you're playing"
She must have thought I was REALLY old. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
01-12-2004, 01:19 PM
I was playing 9ball one afternoon with a buddy, we were playing cheep sets so it was not a serious game. the table behind us (the tables break toward each other, so the foot of each table is facing the other tables foot) were playing some $25 one-pocket. One of the players broke perfect, leaving the other player no shot. About this time I broke sending the cue ball about six feet in the air, the c ue landed in the middle of their rack spreading the balls al over the table. the whole room started laughing, I felt kind of bad b/c the first break had been so good, when the guy rebroke he didn't do as good a job. ( I did try and pay for that game when he lost it but he thought it was so funny he said to forget it).
JMD in VA
01-12-2004, 10:13 PM
In a poolroom in Richmond, they are the only ones to have a billiard table. On occasion, when it was busy, and a group pf teenagers come in and want a table right away, he'd give them the billilard table. I saw this one time. They walked all the way down the hall, put the balls on the table, got the rack off the open table next to them, racked the balls, chose their cues and rolled them and broke the balls. They them realized there were no pockets on the table. By this time the whole poolroom is in tears from watching these guys. The counterman would get on the loud spaeker and say "Sorry guys! We haven't cut the wholes in that one yet. Take the one next to you!" They looked confused but said "OK"! He passed away over a year ago and is missed a great deal! However, he brought great joy and a lot of laughs to that poolroom! Hope you enjoyed.
JMD in VA
01-13-2004, 09:10 AM
I once knew this little old man that offered up free lessons at Pinky's on Sunday afternoons. He setup on a table that had coin ops very close on two sides and he always hated trying to teach while other people were on them. (There were something like 90 open pool tables, and inevitably someone would pick one of those two) So, on both of those tables he would adjust one of the legs like ten full turns to keep them away. Every day we watched players step up to the table, put in their quarters, break, and the balls would explode all over the table then turn around and roll into the same corner pocket in one smooth motion. Clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk until there wasn't a single ball on the table. I wish I'd had a video camera to capture the expressions on their face. Incredibly, more than half of them would put in another set of quarters and do it AGAIN. We watched a few groups do it THREE TIMES or more before they asked for a refund.
01-13-2004, 10:05 AM
While in highschool, when the lunch bell rang, it would be a sprint to the parking lot and five to eight guys would pile into a car and race to the poolhall to get a table and have lunch. In our poolhall there was a line of six tables in one room. The bar, kitchen, and lunch counter where on the other side of the wall. There was a hole cut in the wall the size of a dinner plate that the cook would hand the food thru to the pool players....we were cutting up while playing and one of us spotted a ball on the spot and then started jumping around, waving arms, and talking trash trying to make the shooter miss. My buddy hits the cueball at warp speed whereupon it hits the spotted ball off the table and hits the idiot jumping around right between the eyes knocking his glasses and the object ball right thru the hole in the wall. The idiot falls flat on his back twitching, the glasses land in the pot of potato soup, the object ball hits the cook in the side of the head; she comes out of the kitchen whelding a big two pronged fork and chases us all over the place...it was crazy.
After things settled down the cook handed the idiots soup back thru the hole in the wall with both his glasses and the object ball in the bowl......maybe you had to be there......LOL
01-13-2004, 10:26 AM
About two months ago we were playing in an 8ball tourney at the local bar. The bar has a laptop with a Tournament software system run in Access on it that we use for random placement and easy running. A guy lost his match and shook the winners hand. There is a two foot wide ledge wall making a hallway of sorts where players place their drinks, food, and laptop. The angry loser slams the cueball into the rail towards the wall with a little jump and it hit the rail and flys striaght up and lands on the ledge knocking over two beers and splatters the laptop as well. I grabbed the laptop real quick and turned it upside down so the beer would drain out. People were pissed for certain.
01-13-2004, 01:44 PM
A few years ago there was a really beautiful asian girl who played a little who was dating a guy who played a lot. She felt a lot of pressure to bring up the speed of her game by gambling and playing in weekly tournaments. She practiced a lot and, like most of us, when she missed she would set the shot up again and re-shoot it.
One day, me and my friends were sitting around next to the table she was practicing on. She had a tough shot that she could not reach with both feet on the floor so she hiked her leg up on the rail and stretched out and shot.
Well, let me tell you... those short shorts she was wearing left very little to the imagination. From where we were sitting you could see all the way to her tonsils. Naturally, she missed and set it up again. She missed again. So my friend Rob offered to set it up for her again. He told her to keep her head down and relax and set it up again. The guys were rolling!!! She kept shooting it every time Rob set it up! He'd walk back to where we were sitting and watch her miss then set it up again. A crowd of spectators gathered and poor little Liz was clueless.
I felt bad ruining a free peep show for my boys but it was my duty as a woman to take little Liz aside and tell her she had just shown all of her girlhood to half of the room. After that, she still wore the shorts but used the bridge.
01-13-2004, 02:33 PM
Do they call Liz, Fatal Liz Attraction now? /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
One big local player at Hard Times got really mad after scratching. He slammed whitey on the slate.
Whitey bounced about 40 inches up and broke the lamps.
He was fined and warned.
01-14-2004, 10:33 AM
it would have to be 2 players that i will name baldy and hairy playing a race to 10 for 100 bananas. baldy wins 2 quick sets and hairy is broke and looking to borrow $$$$$ from anybody who would lend it to him. no takers so hairy is leaving the pool hall and baldy says to him, nice coat. hairy walks out the door and returns a couple of minutes later wanting to play for the coat against 100 bananas. they decide to play and baldy winds up loosing not only the 200 bananas he had already won but lost another of his own 100 bananas. first time i ever saw anybody play for a coat. it was hilarious to watch..by the way. the temp outside is about 5 below zero...lol................mike
01-14-2004, 11:01 AM
first time i ever saw anybody play for a coat. <--cueball
I was talking to someone the other day about a real small local bar in Yacolt, WA...where?...yeah look it up on Mapquest. LOL
Anyways this guy comes walking into a bar...dare I say this guy is "black" after the conversation a few months ago...but this is the whitest white trash area in Clark County...or at least one of em. This guy comes in wanting to play for money. The owner is a good shooter so they start playing and beats the guy out of his money, his watch, his rings, and necklace. The guy wants to then get his stuff back and offers up his shoes...and loses his Air Jordans. Less to say eventually they played for his clothes and he even lost his underwear. The owner gave him back his clothes so he could get home but knept his underwear and had them framed as a momento. LOL Hung it next to the pool talble with a plaque. HAHA.
01-14-2004, 12:06 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote UWPoolGod:</font><hr> they played for his clothes and he even lost his underwear.<hr /></blockquote>
And thus we have the age old tradition of beating the pants off someone!
01-07-2007, 06:25 PM
It was hot in the Garland Texas pool hall where I was playing and the door was open. I hit a ball too hard and it flew off the table and out the door. I chased it down the street cue in hand. Soon a delivery truck came around the corner and hit the ball. It caromed up into the trucks oil pan with a loud bang! the driver stopped and jumped out to see what happened. Oil was pouring from the pan, I picked up the mangled billiard ball and walked back to the pool room. I handed in my tray and the guy did'nt even notice it. The poor guy in the truck had to have a tow. And so with one shot I took out a 5 ton truck!
01-08-2007, 05:22 AM
This is a funny story, as long as you weren't the truck driver or the room owner. However, you could have started a new thread, rather than bring back a 3 year old thread. /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif
01-08-2007, 10:09 AM
Thanks for your reply Rich. I'm a newbie here so just learning my way around.
What was even funnier was the reaction when the tray was handed back out. The rumor was somebody had a power break that was a killer. of course I never fessed up, in those days I could'nt afford to pay for a billiard set.
01-19-2007, 12:19 PM
When I was in college, at the university pool hall a guy was getting ready to break with a house cue. He broke, and this thunderous crack occured...sounded like a gunshot. Everyone looks over and sees this guy with TWO pieces of a cue in each hand... the lower part of the splice in his right hand, and the upper part of the splice in his left. Of course everyone was hysterical laughing at the site of this guy who broke a house cue. The funnier thing was that he sunk the 9 on the snap!
I remember playing a buddy of mine who was shooting at an easy 5 ball in the side, he launched the cue ball off the table and on to the table beside us sinking there 5 ball that was in similar position to ours. The funny thing was the guy I was playing was convinced he made a good shot because that's what he called (he was a little burnt out) he clued in when I gave up and told him to go ahead and shoot.
01-20-2007, 08:37 AM
This was the subject of the first column I ever wrote for Billiards Digest: two guys, long-time rivals who got into arguments virtually every time they played, matched up for some MUM bank pool on a 5' x 10' (in other words, the first player to speak in any way during the session loses). A dispute came up as to whether there was a kiss involved in a given shot, and the two argued in pantomime for over 40 minutes. (One kissed the air repeatedly, the other made giant X's with his arms.)
We might also consider Hal Johnson, a temperamental although talented player from the Chicago area, who more than once seized his cue in mid-shaft with both hands, pointed it at his breastbone, and, with a rich primal scream, dashed into the nearest wall. (I'm not making this up; there are limits to my creativity.) GF
01-22-2007, 12:28 PM
This story was related to me by a few people who were at an exhibition match in Dallas attended by Willy Miscone back in the early 1960's. He was at the front table of a pool hall that stretched back quite a ways. There was a lot noise in the back and Willy was getting quite unnerved and had asked for silence several times. Finally he yelled at the top of his lungs and threw his cue the intire length of the pool hall. It hit the back wall with a crash sending people flying. There was silence as Willy walked down got his cue, stuffed it in his case and left. Needless to say things were probably a lot quiter at Willy's matches after that.
01-22-2007, 12:39 PM
I sincerely doubt that this ever happened. As 'prima donna' as Mosconi was, he would NEVER hurl his cuestick across the poolroom. Might he have quit an exhibition early, due to 'unruly' patrons? That is another subject...but he didn't throw his cue. You're talking about Fast Larry...that's his "schtick"! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
01-22-2007, 12:54 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote JPB:</font><hr>
This is almost standard. I can't tell you how many times I saw people dump a full tray (hard of course) out on a billiard table and then ask where the holes were. Sometimes they ask if it's a practice table. It should be legal to take a house cue and butt end them to death, but of course that's a felony and all you can do is explain that's it's a billiard table. <hr /></blockquote>
John...Even better, I've seen it a thousand times. Somebody throws the balls out on a snooker table, with no realization that it's not a pool table. Then they spend the better part of an hour trying to figure out why they can't make "three friggin' balls"! LOL /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
01-22-2007, 12:59 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote glupidio:</font><hr> I once knew this little old man that offered up free lessons at Pinky's on Sunday afternoons. He setup on a table that had coin ops very close on two sides and he always hated trying to teach while other people were on them. (There were something like 90 open pool tables, and inevitably someone would pick one of those two) So, on both of those tables he would adjust one of the legs like ten full turns to keep them away. Every day we watched players step up to the table, put in their quarters, break, and the balls would explode all over the table then turn around and roll into the same corner pocket in one smooth motion. Clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk until there wasn't a single ball on the table. I wish I'd had a video camera to capture the expressions on their face. Incredibly, more than half of them would put in another set of quarters and do it AGAIN. We watched a few groups do it THREE TIMES or more before they asked for a refund. <hr /></blockquote>
Now THAT'S classic! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
01-22-2007, 05:06 PM
I doubted the story about Willy myself as I have read every book I could on his life. Mike Sigel broke his cue when he tried to return a while back, but Willy was noted for his composure and was always respectful to the game. The old timers who were there though swore it happened that way, thats why they were so shocked.
01-22-2007, 06:22 PM
Curious, what PH was that? I was just 8yrs old and in another state at the time, but I can surely ask around to the veterans...sid
01-23-2007, 10:29 AM
I heard the story when I first stated playing in Dallas around 1970. The player who told it was a local hustler and another player also backed him.
He said It happened at an exibition match in Dallas after Willy had retired as an active player but I'm afraid thats all I have to go on, can't even remember the hustlers name. What started the conversation was someone mentioned what a cool head Willy had in play.
01-23-2007, 04:54 PM
Many years ago I was in a pool hall in San Francisco in the morning, a young man was badgering the house man, who was reading the morning paper and drinking coffee. The young man went on and on saying so so had offered him 18 in the proposition game, and he was really stupid to do that he would break him etc. This tirate went on for ten minutes he then put the bite on the house man to back him. The house man look up with missing a beat and said,"yeah their dumb and your broker" and went back to his paper.
03-02-2007, 08:07 PM
Funniest thing I ever saw was when a young player was woofing at the owner of City Lights Billiards in Tacoma, WA to spot him what he needed to make a fair game.
Rick says to the young guy, "Okay.. Okay.. I'll spot you what you need. I'll spot you the 4 out and the breaks. But you got to shoot with a paper bag over your head, with a hole for only one eye."
The whipper snapper took the bet, and since he didn't ever do anything but try to run out, he got murdered. What was funny was how Rick kept looking at the bag's hole to check to make sure the guy wasn't using both eyes.
I asked for the same spot, intending to play safe a lot more than the young guy (actually the same age as me at the time..), but he wouldn't give it to me. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
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