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Sid_Vicious
03-14-2004, 08:28 AM
The last one made me remember that pic SPetty took of Scott last year at Petty's Pool Hall ;-) sid


BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART


Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself lashed to bar.

Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.

Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender.

Symptom: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Action: Cover mouth.

Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Symptom: Beer is crystal-clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.

Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.

Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves.

Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Play air guitar.

dg-in-centralpa
03-14-2004, 01:19 PM
Sid,
I needed one of these in my younger days. Even before karaoke came out, I could sing and play a mean air guitar after a few beers.

DG - had to confirm with the bartender several times

SPetty
03-14-2004, 03:57 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Sid_Vicious:</font><hr> The last one made me remember that pic SPetty took of Scott last year at PettyPoint Pool Hall<hr /></blockquote>This one?
http://members.aol.com/iheart8ball/pics/cueguitar.jpg

hahahaha /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

This was fun. /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif Now where's that tequila troubleshooting chart?

Barbara
03-14-2004, 04:24 PM
Quick!! Someone Print that out and blow it up and bring it to Valley Forge!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Barbara~~~evil, in a fun sort of way... /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

But what do I know?... I'm just some broad...