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View Full Version : Paradoxes for Republicans in 2004



9 Ball Girl
07-07-2004, 09:11 PM
Just passing this on that was sent to me. It's all in fun.

1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

3. Standing Tall for America means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

4. A woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches, while slashing veterans benefits and combat pay.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for governor of California.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.

10. HMOs and insurance companies make huge profits, and have the interest of the public at heart.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

13. It is okay that the Bush family's Carlyle Group has done millions of business with the Bin Laden family.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Bush
junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the war President.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about weapons of mass destruction to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands
soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid defense policy in a War Against Terrorism.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George W. Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's library, and is none of our business.

18. What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital national interest but what Bush did in the 80's is irrelevant.

19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

20. Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is OK for your Daddy and his friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much, to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard, to bail out your companies (Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers), to get the Governorship of Texas and then to have the Supreme Court appoint you President of the USA.

21. You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same time refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who
do not need it.

Contemplating these illogical paradoxes can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be tolerant, he or she may just be a Republican.

catscradle
07-08-2004, 06:54 AM
All true, but the Democrats are no better. Different maybe, but no better. Almost all politicians are interested in only their own self-interest. Anyone who claims they can tell the good from the bad is either more perceptive than me, more deluded than me, a liar, or some combination of the 3. If good things happen in this world, and sometimes they do, it is despite the politicians not because of them.

Sid_Vicious
07-08-2004, 07:29 AM
"14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Bush
junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the war President."

That covered the last couple of decades very well...sid~~~never trusted "The Shrub"

SpiderMan
07-08-2004, 08:58 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote catscradle:</font><hr> All true, but the Democrats are no better. Different maybe, but no better. Almost all politicians are interested in only their own self-interest. Anyone who claims they can tell the good from the bad is either more perceptive than me, more deluded than me, a liar, or some combination of the 3. If good things happen in this world, and sometimes they do, it is despite the politicians not because of them.

<hr /></blockquote>

Damn true.

Republicans = Right wing of American Socialist Party.

Democrats = Left wing of American Socialist Party.

The amount they would confiscate from our productivity and income actually differs very little from one another. And neither of them realizes it isn't their money.

SpiderMan