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catscradle
07-26-2004, 11:05 AM
I received these quotes in an email. I find them believable, but who knows.

Fwd: Court
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down
and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying
calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
>Q: Are you sexually active?
>A: No, I just lie there.
>
>_______________________________
>>Q: What is your date of birth?
>A: July 18th.
>Q: What year?
>A: Every year.
______________________________________
>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>______________________________________
>>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>A: I forget.
>Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
>that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when
>he woke up that morning?
>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>Q: And why did that upset you so that you hit him?
>A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
>Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>voodoo or the occult?
>A: We both do.
>Q: Voodoo?
>A: We do.
>Q: You do?
>A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
>Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________

>Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
>Q: She had three children, right?
>A: Yes.
>Q: How many were boys?
>A: None.
>Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>A: By death.
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
>dead people?
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
>Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
>did you go to?
>A: Oral.
______________________________________
>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
>doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
>
>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
>for a pulse?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>A: No.
>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
>you began the autopsy?
>A: No.
>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>practicing law somewhere.

PQQLK9
07-26-2004, 12:20 PM
Funny stuff ROTFLMAO

UWPoolGod
07-26-2004, 12:49 PM
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
>did you go to?
>A: Oral.


LOL...Oral. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Popcorn
07-26-2004, 04:36 PM
Those sound like jokes but here is what my wife said in court once. She got a ticket for making a left turn where there is a sign that you can't turn between certain hours. She was going to tell the judge she did not realize what time it was and she thought it was all right to turn. Instead the judge asked her if she made the turn she said yes. He asked her why and she said she did't see the police officer. Everybody started laughing even the judge. He let her off with court costs and told her to be more observant next time.

Wally_in_Cincy
07-27-2004, 06:14 AM
I was in court once for some traffic violation and they had a hearing for some black guy whose girlfriend had accused him of rape.

She said "I didn't want to do it 'cause I was administratin' "

Sorry PQQLK9, you have to admit it's funny /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif