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SPetty
08-28-2004, 02:43 PM
RETIRE AT THE HOLIDAY INN

With the high cost of living, how much do you get when you retire? No nursing home for me! I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.

With the average cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when we get old and feeble.

I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.
2. Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
3. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc.
4. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.
5. They treat you like a customer, not a patient.
6. $5.00 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
7. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).
8. To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.
9. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you
to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?

So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin. Just forward all my emails to the Holiday Inn!

Upon telling this story at a dinner with friends and too much red wine, we came up with even more benefits the Holiday Inn provides to retirees:

Most standard rooms have coffeemakers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV - all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day. Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends.

Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free Program. You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends. Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well.

If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, in a Holiday Inn you'll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room--your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

Being perma-skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check this story out--and are happy to report that they were positively giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even offered to negotiate the rate (we could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night!). See you at the Inn!

Another benefit that was omitted above is that at the Holiday Inn, you get a PRIVATE room for that rate. And the Holiday Inn doesn't have that odd smell about it that a nursing home always has.

dg-in-centralpa
08-29-2004, 06:48 AM
Cute but true.

DG - never going to a nursing home

Rich R.
08-29-2004, 08:06 AM
This is not the first time, I have heard of something like this.

Although yours is the budget version, a year or two ago, one of the evening news magazine shows did a story on a well to do elderly lady, who we spending her retirement years on a cruise ship.
She had her personal cabin and, of course, she went wherever the ship went, and didn't care where that was. She said, with everything included, it was much cheaper than buying a condo and paying for everything she needed. She also said it was much more pleasurable and convenient. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SPetty
08-29-2004, 09:31 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Rich R.:</font><hr> a well to do elderly lady, who we spending her retirement years on a cruise ship. <hr /></blockquote>A coworker of mine took a cruise a few months ago and met a lady that lived on the cruise ship just like you describe. Either it was the same lady, or there are more than one of them! That really would be the life, eh? New neighbors every week! /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Rich R.
08-30-2004, 03:38 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SPetty:</font><hr>That really would be the life, eh? New neighbors every week! /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif <hr /></blockquote>
In the story I saw, the lady enjoyed meeting new people all of the time, but she really enjoyed the all the entertainment and activities that were readily available to her.
It doesn't sound like a bad way to retire, to me. /ccboard/images/graemlins/cool.gif