Rod
09-01-2004, 10:30 PM
The Know-it-all
Eventually, the spawn of the Evil Empire passes you off to an unassuming fellow whose glasses are partially fogged from the heat. You are wildly relieved when Yankees Fan bounces back up the stairs, his taunts of "Bucky Bleepin' Dent, Bucky Bleepin' Dent" trailing off as he ascends.
"Did you know that the first time Bucky Dent saw a Major League game in person he played in it?" your new escort asks, waving you onward down the steps.
"Batting average is not just the most overrated stat in baseball, it's the most overrated stat in all sports."
You recognize this guy. He's the Know-it-all. He's memorized various sports encyclopedias but has never once taken a ground ball off the cup.
The Know-it-all: Memorized various sports encyclopedias but hasn't taken a ground ball off the cup. (Preston Mack / GettyImages)
You dread this leg of the journey and eagerly await the next level as Know-it-all gets on a roll.
"Speaking of batting average, did you know that in 1941 Joe DiMaggio hit only two points higher during his 56-game hitting streak than Ted Williams hit for the season?"
He doesn't wait for an answer.
"408 to .406, you can look it up."
"Did you know the term 'upset' comes from the name of the only horse to beat Man 'O War?"
It turns out he never waits for an answer.
"Yep, the 1919 Stanford Memorial."
And on and on, down, down, down.
"The Gold Medal game was against Finland."
"The Suns took Neal Walk with the second pick."
"It wasn't technically a postseason moment. Even though it was called a three-game playoff, Thomson's home run is considered a regular season home run."
"Did you know Willie Mays was on deck?"
LOL, This is the fan I don't like. I've heard way to many of them. Your gonna know even if you don't want to know. There was a guy that come in my place years ago just that way. Hell I even had a girl that way before him. They sat around and yaked to see who knew the most. Like I care who gained the most yards, hit the most home runs etc. in 1947.
Eventually, the spawn of the Evil Empire passes you off to an unassuming fellow whose glasses are partially fogged from the heat. You are wildly relieved when Yankees Fan bounces back up the stairs, his taunts of "Bucky Bleepin' Dent, Bucky Bleepin' Dent" trailing off as he ascends.
"Did you know that the first time Bucky Dent saw a Major League game in person he played in it?" your new escort asks, waving you onward down the steps.
"Batting average is not just the most overrated stat in baseball, it's the most overrated stat in all sports."
You recognize this guy. He's the Know-it-all. He's memorized various sports encyclopedias but has never once taken a ground ball off the cup.
The Know-it-all: Memorized various sports encyclopedias but hasn't taken a ground ball off the cup. (Preston Mack / GettyImages)
You dread this leg of the journey and eagerly await the next level as Know-it-all gets on a roll.
"Speaking of batting average, did you know that in 1941 Joe DiMaggio hit only two points higher during his 56-game hitting streak than Ted Williams hit for the season?"
He doesn't wait for an answer.
"408 to .406, you can look it up."
"Did you know the term 'upset' comes from the name of the only horse to beat Man 'O War?"
It turns out he never waits for an answer.
"Yep, the 1919 Stanford Memorial."
And on and on, down, down, down.
"The Gold Medal game was against Finland."
"The Suns took Neal Walk with the second pick."
"It wasn't technically a postseason moment. Even though it was called a three-game playoff, Thomson's home run is considered a regular season home run."
"Did you know Willie Mays was on deck?"
LOL, This is the fan I don't like. I've heard way to many of them. Your gonna know even if you don't want to know. There was a guy that come in my place years ago just that way. Hell I even had a girl that way before him. They sat around and yaked to see who knew the most. Like I care who gained the most yards, hit the most home runs etc. in 1947.