View Full Version : Kids Say The Darndest Things...

09-07-2004, 01:36 PM
Kids say the darnedest things. Some grade school teachers must agree with
that, because they keep
journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a
few examples:

- The future of "I give" is "I take."
- The parts of speech are lungs and air.
- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the
- Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and
- (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
- A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
- The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
- A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it
through an aviator.
- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and
you sit on the bottom.
- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk
from rayon. He is a
larger worm and gives more silk.
- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly
constipated authorities.
- One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
- To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it
drips into the throat.
- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
- The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious
- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top
and plural at the bottom.
- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
- The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the
- In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
- A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the

Kid Wisdom Bits on marriage
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back
to her parents!"
-Eric, 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl.
He says to her, 'I'll
take you for a whole life, or at
least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular
thing for me.' Then she
says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or
not. She can't wait to
find out."
-Anita, 9

How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry ??
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you
try the next one."
-Kelly, 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll
find somebody who's
kinda tall and handsome."
-Carolyn, 8
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you
can spend all your time
loving each other in your bedroom."
-Carolyn, 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"
-Bert, 5

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet ??
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive,
but their car broke
down...It was a good thing, because it
gave them a chance to find out about their values."
-Lottie, 9
"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me
what kind."
-Jeremy, 8

What Do Most People Do on a Date ??
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets
them interested enough to go
for a second date."
-Martin, 10
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love."
-Craig, 9
When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone ??
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big
ring and her own VCR,
'cause she'll want to have videos of the
-Allan, 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if
anybody sees you....If
nobody sees you, I might be willing to try
it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
-Kelly, 9

The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married ??
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan!"
-Kirsten, 10
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to
clean up after them!"
-Anita, 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't
need that kind of
-Will, 7

09-07-2004, 06:13 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote PQQLK9:</font><hr> - The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top
and plural at the bottom.
<hr /></blockquote>

That reminds me of how we remembered what an improper fraction was in elementary school. Dolly Parton is an improper fraction because she is big on top and little on the bottom.

09-07-2004, 06:19 PM
/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

DG - wants to be a census taker

09-07-2004, 06:33 PM
These are great. Reminds me, I need some hydrogin. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

As an aside, I fished with a guy a few years ago who was a big gin drinker. Gin and Dr.Pepper, Gin and Cream Soda, Gin and Orange Soda, you get the picture.

The guy's name was Tom (I won't give last names), and the boat was called the "No Problem". His favorite line just after taking a big drink was; "Mmmm. Gin and Dr. Pepper. The drink my Uncle Brooks used to drink right before he shot himself in the head!"

The next year he ran the boat up on the rocks at Port Alexander, Alaska. True story (they saved the boat).

-CM~~~in the Bahamas it's Gin and Milk. Yuck!

09-08-2004, 07:44 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote highsea:</font><hr> -CM~~~in the Bahamas it's Gin and Milk. Yuck! <hr /></blockquote>

Dude, that's disgusting!! Are you sure it wasn't coconut milk?