View Full Version : 16 Things That Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn

09-24-2004, 08:18 AM
My brother out in CA sent me this one. It's pretty funny.

By Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

(especially note #2...)

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential that word would be "meetings".

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

09-24-2004, 08:34 AM
Great stuff!!!!!

Motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but
rather of skidding in sideways, champagne in one hand,
strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally
worn out and screaming "WOO HOO - what a ride!"

09-24-2004, 08:47 AM

Chris Cass
09-24-2004, 10:45 PM

He's got that right. lol


09-25-2004, 06:44 AM
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

I've got to work on this one. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

09-25-2004, 07:42 AM
I take exception to #16, but that's just me..... /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif


09-25-2004, 07:42 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote PQQLK9:</font><hr>
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

I've got to work on this one. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

<hr /></blockquote>

tequila helps /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif