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View Full Version : Joke time....( and it's not even political, darn)



landshark77
09-27-2004, 01:03 PM
A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most
beautiful,
perfect "loaded" Lexus and walked over to inspect it closer. As she
bent
forward
to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of
flatulence escaped her.
Very embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had
noticed.

Sure enough, there standing behind her was a salesman. With a
pleasant
smile he
greeted her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though
nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the
price of this lovely vehicle?"
Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say
that if you farted just touching it, you are gonna [censored] when you hear the price

PQQLK9
09-27-2004, 01:24 PM
A man getting on an elevator accidentaly bumped a lady's breast with his elbow......
he appoligized saying "if your heart is as soft as your breast you will forgive me......
she answered "if your #### is as hard as your elbow i'm in room 913" /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

SPetty
09-27-2004, 01:51 PM
At bath time, a four year old boy was exploring his testicles. He asked his mommy: "Mommy, are these my brains?"

Mommy answered: "Not yet"

/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

PQQLK9
09-27-2004, 02:01 PM
A little girl was excused from school because she was bleeding.....

on her way home she was asked by a little boy why she was not in school.....

lifting her dress she showed him where she was bleeding.....

the little boy said "no wonder you are bleeding somebody done cut yer #### off". /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

dg-in-centralpa
09-27-2004, 02:35 PM
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well
dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower
in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave,
presenting a well looked after image, walks into an
upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid
eighties).

The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her,
orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, So
tell me, do I come here often.

DG

landshark77
09-27-2004, 02:40 PM
OK Ok since my post went in this direction.............

A man walked into a bar with his pet monkey. He said I will give anyone who will f*&k my monkey $50. Everyone at the bar just laughs at him and says no way. He contiues to try, but to no avail. Finally a little old drunk guy in the corner perks up. "Is your monkey a girl?" he asks? "Yes, she is a girl." "I'll tell you what, " says the old drunk guy. "If you make it a $100 and put a paper bag over that monkey's face I'll take her into the bathroom and F*&k her right now." Everyone in the bar gasps. "Deal," says the monkey's owner. The paper bag goes onto the monkey's head and the couple go into the bathroom. The other bar patrons stand out side and listen not believing this is actually happening. A few mins. go by with nothing but some moaning and groaning, then all of a sudden a loud scream...."Get it off! Get it off!" The monkey's owner races into the bathroom and starts pulling the monkey away form the drunk guy. The drunk guy yells louder, "No! Not the monkey...the bag! Take the bag off! I wanna kiss her!"