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View Full Version : How you know it will be a good night in a bar!



Deeman2
10-01-2004, 07:37 AM
The guy at the table say, "This is a money table, you gotta put up $10 to play.
He tells you his stick is a collectors item and it still has a WalMart sticker on it.
He sits his Milwalkee's Best Beer in a pocket while you rack.
Other players push old ladies over to put their quarters up.
He throws his eight ball key chain on the bar saying he won it in a big tournament in Vegas. "They don't give these away!" Actually, I thought they did.
He tells you about the time he barbequed David Maddox at bar box eight ball and you say, You mean David Matlock?" and he says, "Yea, him too."
His cue has a nice, dark blue ring permantly scoured into the ferrel.
When you break and run out he says, "I did that in New Orleans."
He gets the others to wait on playing their game while he, "takes this big feller down."
When he racks, he perches the eight on top of the balls in the rack, slams it forward so it hops into the vacant slot in the middle of the rack and looks around to see who saw the move. When no one notices, he repeats the process one more time.
When he pays, it is painfully obvious he has just used one of his two barrels as the other is under his cigarettes in ones and change.
His wife/girlfriend says, "Don't play him again." as she looks through her purse to find money for her own beer.
When he does get a shot, he claims the four railer into the corner was his unmentioned intent despite the three caroms on the way. When asked about the caroms, he says, "I never went out with her."
After a game and half, there is no chalk on the table and he still has not noticed. He asks to borrow your personal chalk but you don't want it touching his cue, as you don't know where that thing has been.
You don't bother to say anything about his "scoop" jump shot as it hits the old geezer coming out of the restroom and rolls under a juke box you wouldn't stick you hand under for love nor money. He asked if he can use your cue to fish it out, his being the Steve "Miserablerack" collector series that it is. You decline and watch him use his cue anyway despite two broken house leaning against the juke box itself.
You decide to give him another shot as this is entertainment you simply can't buy but he blows every chance and you finally have a to put an end to him.
The next guy steps up and say, "I can't believe you beat him, he's a 4 in APA!"

Maybe they were just setting me up for the next time.

#### leonard
10-01-2004, 07:49 AM
Deeman, that is the funniest story, you should make that into a book. Just tell me he is not the same Texan thats in the White House.####

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 07:58 AM
No, but my guess is he will run for some elective office one day as he sure has the deception down pat.
/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Deeman
"Loves the President but they all lie."

Eric.
10-01-2004, 08:02 AM
Pretty funny stuff. Remember, there's alot of truth in a joke, though...


Eric

Perk
10-01-2004, 08:23 AM
LMAO...hope tonight is that way for me....could use a good laught (since I am not going to the expo).

Thanks.

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 08:27 AM
Eric,

How right you are. He may be just reeling me in. Now, I understand what the term "Yuck-Yuck" really means! LOL

I love to share these stories. I have about ten, over the years, that I have written down for this forum or just for myself and I know other people have the same experiences every once in a while. Of course, being a self-serving sort of guy, I'll never tell the ones where I was the goat! My favorite was one I called "Colorado Cowboys" that I posted here many years ago, then "The Left Handed Gun and Invisible Stakehorse." However, that one was about Arkansas and I didn't want to bring the wrath of fellow southerers down on me so I just kept it to myself.

I remember when George Fels posted on here, we used to swap some pretty good stories. I wish he was still posting here and miss his wit. Where have you gone G-Man?


Deeman

SpiderMan
10-01-2004, 08:33 AM
Last politician I suspect had it "down Pat" was Nixon. Isn't that why they called him "tricky Dick"?

SpiderMan

stickman
10-01-2004, 08:33 AM
Good post. LOL! I think I met that same guy. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Eric.
10-01-2004, 08:39 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr> Last politician I suspect had it "down Pat" was Nixon. Isn't that why they called him "tricky Dick"?

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Rumor has it Mrs. Nixon gave him that nickname. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif


Eric &gt;hope I passed the audition

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 08:44 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Eric.:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr> Last politician I suspect had it "down Pat" was Nixon. Isn't that why they called him "tricky Dick"?

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Rumor has it Mrs. Nixon gave him that nickname. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif


Eric &gt;hope I passed the audition <hr /></blockquote>

Eric,

Now that was slick. I don't think I want to get on your bad side!

Deeman

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 09:01 AM
Hey, Spiderman,

What does an APA 3 and Micheal Jackson have in common?

Cueless Joey
10-01-2004, 10:16 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr> Hey, Spiderman,

What does an APA 3 and Micheal Jackson have in common? <hr /></blockquote>
They both can't run 3 balls and they like to "kid" around? /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 10:43 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Cueless Joey:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr> Hey, Spiderman,

What does an APA 3 and Micheal Jackson have in common? <hr /></blockquote>
They both can't run 3 balls and they like to "kid" around? /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Pretty Good!

But no,

They both wear a glove on their left hand for no apparent reason... /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

SpiderMan
10-01-2004, 11:03 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Cueless Joey:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr> Hey, Spiderman,

What does an APA 3 and Micheal Jackson have in common? <hr /></blockquote>
They both can't run 3 balls and they like to "kid" around? /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Pretty Good!

But no,

They both wear a glove on their left hand for no apparent reason... /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif <hr /></blockquote>

But Michael's is lubricated, I suppose /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

SpiderMan

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 11:12 AM
They both wear a glove on their left hand for no apparent reason... /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif <hr /></blockquote>

But Michael's is lubricated, I suppose /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Good Point! You guys are beginning to scare me!
/ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif
Deeman

#### leonard
10-01-2004, 12:17 PM
Spiderman, on the CCB you have to call him tricky ####. Richard Nixon,Ronald Reagan,Thomas Dewey are the only three good Republicans I know of. Every time we have a president from Texas we go to War and the price of their oil goes way up. Johnson lied about the Gulf of Tonkin, Bush lied about Weapons of Mass Destruction. How dumb are we.####

SPetty
10-01-2004, 12:19 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr> My favorite was one I called "Colorado Cowboys" that I posted here many years ago

I remember when George Fels posted on here, we used to swap some pretty good stories. <hr /></blockquote> Colorado Cowboys (http://www.billiardsdigest.com/ccboard/showthreaded.php?Cat=&amp;Board=ccb&amp;Number=74025&amp;page= &amp;view=&amp;sb=&amp;o=&amp;vc=1)

Deeman, I posted to you in the last few days about George... Even titled the post "Hey Deeman2! Looky..." Did you not looky? It's here (http://www.billiardsdigest.com/ccboard/showthreaded.php?Cat=&amp;Board=ccb&amp;Number=158310&amp;page =&amp;view=&amp;sb=&amp;o=&amp;vc=1) .

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 12:28 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote #### leonard:</font><hr> Spiderman, on the CCB you have to call him tricky ####. Richard Nixon,Ronald Reagan,Thomas Dewey are the only three good Republicans I know of. Every time we have a president from Texas we go to War and the price of their oil goes way up. Johnson lied about the Gulf of Tonkin, Bush lied about Weapons of Mass Destruction. How dumb are we.#### <hr /></blockquote>

Now hold on ####,

Are not all Texans, by nature, supposed to stretch the truth a bit. I mean, is that not the state motto or something? I heard a girl say once, "I'd like to meet one Texan with something tall, besides his hat!"

Now I've done it. I'll be chased from one more state. There are not many left I can seek sanctuary in!!! I hope SPETTY doesn't read this one. I'll never be invited back to Petty Point. /ccboard/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Deeman
Always one card from a nut flush draw....

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 12:37 PM
SPETTY,

Gee, I somehow missed that post! I told you my eyesight is going! Anyway, thanks. I can now track him down and remind him of my namesake (Dee Fondy)and maybe trade some newer stories with him.

Thank-you. You light up my life (Oh!, That's been used, Sorry!)

A couple of the guys from our last get together came up and played in a Longview Tournament on Tuesday. We are now planning to break all of East Texas....

Deeman "invite me back" Sands (Hint, Hint, Hint) /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

landshark77
10-01-2004, 01:58 PM
OK I have one...TRUE STORY...

While playing 9 ball...the guy comes to the table. "Can I play?"
"Yeah, put your quarters up."
"What are you playing?"
"9 ball"
"How do you play that?"
"You pocket the balls in order"
"Oh, I don't play that way"
"Yeah, how do you play?"
"I play like this..I hit the 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,7,8,9 like that..you know?"
Of course he is stuttering the whole time while trying not to fall over. The whole conversation lasted 20 mins...

SpiderMan
10-01-2004, 02:13 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote #### leonard:</font><hr> Spiderman, on the CCB you have to call him tricky ####. Richard Nixon,Ronald Reagan,Thomas Dewey are the only three good Republicans I know of. Every time we have a president from Texas we go to War and the price of their oil goes way up. Johnson lied about the Gulf of Tonkin, Bush lied about Weapons of Mass Destruction. How dumb are we.#### <hr /></blockquote>

Now hold on ####,

Are not all Texans, by nature, supposed to stretch the truth a bit. I mean, is that not the state motto or something? I heard a girl say once, "I'd like to meet one Texan with something tall, besides his hat!"

Now I've done it. I'll be chased from one more state. There are not many left I can seek sanctuary in!!! I hope SPETTY doesn't read this one. I'll never be invited back to Petty Point. /ccboard/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Deeman
Always one card from a nut flush draw.... <hr /></blockquote>

Reminds me of the lady pool player driving back to Little Rock from Las Vegas one May. Somewhere in the desert around Tucumcari, her car overheated. There's no Sprint PCS out there, so she decided it might help things to cool faster if the hood were open. She was quite short, and had to lean 'way over into the engine compartment to reach the hood prop.

Unnoticed at first, a man on horseback dismounted, walked up behind her, shut the hood, flipped up her skirt, had his way, and rode off into the sunset, leaving her stuck in an embarassing position.

Finally, a NM highway patrolman spotted her upended predicament and stopped to investigate. Upon hearing her adamant claim that she was raped by a Texan, the patrolman pointed out that she was still miles from the Texas border - how could she be so sure? Did she see the brand on his horse?

"No, but he had a great big belt buckle and a little bitty ####."

SpiderMan

Deeman2
10-01-2004, 02:21 PM
Good story, Spiderman,

I'll remind everyone that Spiderman is from Memphis, like me, not Texas so this can't be a personal story! /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Deeman