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View Full Version : New Bar Rules/Observations (much too long)



Deeman2
10-05-2004, 09:57 AM
For those younger players among you, many of us, through years of experience have learned a few things about bar pool and some unofficial rules and observations. I thought we could share a few with you so you don't have to learn by rote, as we did.

A) Never say "Nice Prison Tatoos" to any woman in the bar. Some take it a compliment, some don't!
B) Never ask, "Where's the chalk?" It is a State law that new chalk not be sold to taverns.
C) Never ask, "Where's the Bridge." If they had one, it would be called the Crutch.
D) Plastic Rack (cost $1.99) = $1.00 long necks
Wooden Rack (cost $3.99) = $2.50 long necks
No Rack (cost $0.00) = Free Red Necks
E) Don't assume the guy with the Harley tatoo's and Hell's Angel bib coveralls even has a motorcycle.
F) While the term "felt" may be a faux paux in referring to cloth, it is perfectly descriptive of the tips on bar sticks.
G) Don't assume the quarters you just laid on the rail still belong to you.
H) Never, Ever go into the restroom right after a drunk staggers out.
I) Don't assume she wore that open topped shirt because she didn't think she'd be playing pool!
J) Never ask a drunk how he got that way.
K) If you use a house stick to break, no one will know what that sticky substance is and fear will soon ensue.
L) Never prop your cue between the table and restroom.
M) If the barmaid brags she won both the wet t-shirt contest and the annual armwrestling event, don't plan to show up for either.
N) Don't comment on the big guy's "Ride a Cowboy" T-shirt, let sleeping dogs lay.
O) No one else cares that the clock is set 30 minutes slow.
P) In a Southern bar, "Whitey" may not mean the cue ball.
Q) Try no to look too closely at unshaved legs under pantyhose. Just imagine your'e visiting France for a night.
R) That smell is probably not you.
S) Don't eat anything cooked by a guy named "Bubbles."

Add your own........

Deeman
who's wife just won the tight jeans contest.....really

trailboss
10-05-2004, 12:27 PM
Yep, real good advise! Also, never buy a drink for a gal unless you really know for sure she is single and has no boyfriend there!!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif

Wally_in_Cincy
10-05-2004, 01:04 PM
Like McGoorty, always check where the back door is before you begin play.

Deeman2
10-05-2004, 01:13 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Wally_in_Cincy:</font><hr> Like McGoorty, always check where the back door is before you begin play. <hr /></blockquote>

Good one, Wally. The back door is padlocked where I went the to the other night! Wouldn't want any survivors in a fire, would we?

Another one. That shotgun hanging behind the bar is NOT a novelty prop.

Deeman

SpiderMan
10-05-2004, 03:37 PM
Deeman,

When you lived in Memphis, did you ever go to the 18-Wheeler Lounge on Brooks Road? It was about a half-mile or so east of Highway 51, across the street from the AFL-CIO union hall. Just down the street from River City Billiards. Here's an "adventure" story I posted a while back:

http://www.billiardsdigest.com/ccboard/showthreaded.php?Cat=&amp;Board=npr&amp;Number=124992&amp;page =&amp;view=&amp;sb=&amp;o=&amp;vc=1

Deeman2
10-06-2004, 06:06 AM
Spiderman,

Great Story! Yes, I to have on two occasions frequented the 18 Wheeler on Brooks. I nearly lost a muffler in the parking lot. I even have (had) a British 10 pound note that was stapled on the wall behind the bar. That's yet another story.

Deeman

SpiderMan
10-06-2004, 10:04 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr> Spiderman,

Great Story! Yes, I to have on two occasions frequented the 18 Wheeler on Brooks. I nearly lost a muffler in the parking lot. I even have (had) a British 10 pound note that was stapled on the wall behind the bar. That's yet another story.

Deeman <hr /></blockquote>

Danny was the long-haired fat boy who played bass there on weekends. He wound up doing 2 years for 5 counts of grand larceny. It seems that a lot of the truckers were lightening their loads in the parking lot, filing theft claims, and splitting the profits from sales with "an accomplice" who fenced the stuff. BTW, Danny wound up in Parchman, don't know why since the 18-wheeler was in TN, maybe it was a federal case. Anyway, he had some "interesting" stories to tell when he got out. I wouldn't want to spend any time in Parchman. Apparently they still do labor gangs there, and work their asses off, Danny lost about 100 lbs.

About that 10-pound note and story - cough it up!

SpiderMan

Deeman2
10-06-2004, 11:01 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr>
About that 10-pound note and story - cough it up!

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

O.K. you asked for it. I flew in from London to meet Larry Templeton, a big Tennessee supporter, for the Danny Thomas St. Jude Classic (a golf tournament). He was with Pat Summerall (sp?), an ex-Razorback place kicker who was doing the broadcast for the tournament. We met after the day of matches at the hotel bar and one of Summerall's broadcast crew wanted to go to a "real" Memphis bar. He was told about the 18 Wheeler (I had never been there at that point). We all (maybe 8 people) piled into a car and a CBS van and went there. We can safely say everyone partied very well and Pat (who was well known in Memphis) drank everyone under the table. His director stole his briefcase and hid it behind the bar. Pat wanted it back and grabbed the director by his "you know whats" and squeezed until the guy gave him his briefcase back! In the fun, he apparently hurt this guy (it hurt me and I was just watching) and they actually took him out to take him to get a little medical care. He looked to be in a lot of pain.

During all this frenzy, they left me and Larry without paying the tab. No problem, Larry is multi-rich but they didn't take American Express and the tab was about $450! Larry had about $300 on him but all I had was a 100 pound note and a 10 pound note. I was able (I don't know how) to convince the owner that the 110 pounds was worth 1 about $175. He took it!!! He stapled the ten pounder to the wall and even invited us back. I saw a pool case behind the bar. (NOTE: I only said this to keep this pool related, I didn't really see a pool case.)

The next morning we saw Pat and his director looking as fine as frog hair in the lobby of the hotel. Larry asked, "How are you (insert name of forgotten CBS Sports Director)?" Pat said, "Fine, we haven't paid for a drink in ten years using that gaff."

Larry called him a dog, jokingly, and said it surprised him a celebrity like Pat would grab a guy's crotch to save on a bar tap. Pat just said, "Well, you work pretty closely with your crew and, to them, a buck is a buck! I still have a CBS hat Pat gave me. They were not easy to get back then!

Sorry, Spiderman. You asked for it. /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif


Deeman