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View Full Version : Murphy and Pool ( a collection of Murphyisms )



Tom_In_Cincy
05-20-2002, 08:44 PM
1. If you really want to get better at pool, go back and take it up at a
much earlier age.

2. The game of pool is 90% mental and 10% mental.

3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually the beginning of the next group of three.

4. When you jump up, causing an bad shot, you will always look
down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching
the ball if you ever want to see it again.

5. Any change works for a maximum of three shots, or at a minimum
of... not at all.

6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play
worse.

7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind
during your stroke.

8. If you have to masse' around another ball, you can either hit that
ball first on purpose, or just mis-cue, scratch and get it over with.

9. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas
and secrets.

10. The inevitable result of any pool lesson is the instant elimination
of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to
compensate for all of your other bad habits.

11. If it ain't broke, then try changing your grip anyway (and then
you tip, cue, stance, stroke, etc).

12. Hustlers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

13. After a sh** shot alway stop and say "I played that!".

14. A pool match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

15. It's surprisingly easy to make a shot when you mis-cue, hit two
rails and kiss off another ball.

16. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule
is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

17. Nonchalant shots count the same as chalant shots.

18. Brain farts are not the result of eating pinto beans.

19. The shortest distance between any two points on a pool table is a
straight line that passes directly through the center a cluster.

20. There are two kinds of sh** shots: ones that go in by accident
and the ones that go in just the way you meant to play them.

21. You can skillfully make a easy shot 10% of the time, and a luck a
hard shot 90% of the time.

22. Every time you make a hard shot, you must subsequently miss
two easy shots to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the
universe.

23. If you want to hit a slow roller one rail, hit it hard enough to go 6
rails and claim you had a spasm.

24. There are two things you can learn by pausing your backswing
and checking the position of the object ball: how many hands you
have, and which one is wearing the glove.

25. Side pockets attract cue balls; corner pockets repel object balls.

26. You can put "draw", "follow" and "spin" on the ball, but no one
can put "straight" on the ball.

27. The "dead on" nine ball is always invisible during your shot.

28. If there are 3 striped balls in the jaws of pockets, you have solids.

29. Don't put on a different tip until you've had a chance to see if it
will pop off when you throw you cue on the table.

30. If you can make up a new reason why you lost, it doesn't count
against you.

# 31. Absolutely NEVER chalk your stick before you miscue.

#32. It's not the best player that will put you in the losers bracket,
but the guy that "never plays.."

#33. Whenever you travel out of town with a friend and fellow player
to go to a tournament. You will always end up playing each other.

#34. All shots are tuff before they are easy. St

#35 The only time you stop the cueball dead in the middle of table
on the break, it will get kicked in the side pocket.

#36 The only time in a game you let the cueball go it will scratch
somehow.

#37 If there is only one way to get stuck behind a ball, the cueball
will find it.

#38 If you think you are going to miscue, you will.

#39 If you think there is NO WAY an opponent will get out of this
safety, he will. (as in, kick it in or leave you safe)

#40 You will ALWAYS see the deadlock safe AFTER you go for the
break-out and don't get it.

#41 When you're behind in a match and need an open table for a
runout, you'll get the worst layout you've ever seen.


#42 Only your opponent can make the "9 on the break" 3 times in a
row to win the match.

#43 Your opponent never misses *that* shot against you.

#44 You will always draw the player most likely to win the whole
tournament in the first round.

#45 When given the choice, you will always choose the worst choice
possible.

#46 During a tournament match is never the optimum time to start
thinking about playing safeties.

#47 Squatting the cue ball on the break guarantees that you'll have
no shot on the 1-ball.

#47a If you can't see the 1-ball on the break, invariably it's the last
ball in motion that hooked you.

#48 Drinking alcohol doesn't improve your mental game; it enhances
your memory of your mental game.

#49 You play 3 rail position and have the C/B hook you on a ball
1" off the rail. >

#50 You loose the lag/flip to have your opponent run a big number on you.

#51 Your opponent misses a ball so far it goes in another pocket, and runs out on a hill match.

#52 Make the nine on a hill match only to have the c/b creep over and drop in the side as well as your heart along with it.

#53 Simple cut and the object ball skids and never hits the pocket. Damn dirty balls.