View Full Version : You Know You're From California If...
12-11-2004, 07:18 AM
My brother from CA (aka "Rack Boy") sent me this...
(Not to be outdone by all those redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes,
herewith a definitive California characterization...)
1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none is visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked by two people carrying on a conversation
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
5. You can't remember . . . . . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . . Is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast ( L.A., really).
11. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
12. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps, and you don't even notice.
13. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks' wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney, really IS George Clooney.
14. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
15. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers you mail is into S & M and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
16. You can't remember . . . . .is pot illegal?
17. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."
18. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.
19. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with the cells or pagers.
20. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
21. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
22. Both you AND your dog have therapists . . . and last,
23. The Terminator is your governor.
12-11-2004, 10:08 PM
medical 'pot' is legal in this state....
nah nah nan nah na /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Some people out here treat their pets better than they would a human being...
12-12-2004, 04:21 PM
[ QUOTE ]
medical 'pot' is legal in this state.... <hr /></blockquote>
Yes, but in my county it's very tightly controlled. With a prescription you can't grow more than 99 plants at a time...
12-12-2004, 05:22 PM
These are good. Although I've seen something similar about the Amish and I wondered what was so funny.
DG - living in Amish country
12-13-2004, 04:14 AM
Amish Computer Virus
Hello There, You English:
You have just received the "Amish Virus." As we don't have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Amish Computer Engineering Dept.
SIGNS YOUR AMISH TEEN IS IN TROUBLE
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 5:00AM.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" Makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap!"
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
What goes "clop, clop, clop, clop, bang"?
An Amish drive by shooting.
12-13-2004, 06:30 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Barbara:</font><hr>You Know You're From California If...
you actually show your love and support for Michael Jackson in public /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif
12-13-2004, 06:38 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote highsea:</font><hr>
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
You just might be Amish if:
If you have ever asked, "Does this shade of black make me look fat?"
If you have ever said, "Hide the lightbulbs, the Bishop is coming!"
If you have a "Born To Raise Barns" tattoo
If you have ever taken your buggy through the drive-thru
If you can tell a Clydesdale from a Belgium
If you consider Thomas Alva Edison a troublemaker
12-13-2004, 09:28 AM
If it wasn't for the Amish...we wouldn't have goat's milk fudge.
12-13-2004, 05:24 PM
Highsea - these are good but there is some truth to a lot of them. I used to work with the Amish many years ago. One guy had a phone booth in his cornfield. It wasn't in his house so it was fine. Another had an 8-track tape player in his buggy which ran on a car battery under the seat. It has always been rumoured that if you can get the Amish women's bonnets off, watch out. Although I never knew any women to try it out. Many Amish as kids were arrested for drunk driving with the horse and buggy. Amish kids would go to Lancaster, PA. and go to the bus station to change clothes and look like regular people so they could raise hell. Come Sunday, they would change back. In our town, we had a movie theater in the late 60's that showed adult films. Amish would change clothes to come into town and watch them. They are not as holy and righteous as everybody thinks. But you'll never find a harder worker.
DG - this is no lie
12-14-2004, 03:43 AM
You have me cracking up,Wally!
12-14-2004, 07:12 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote dg-in-centralpa:</font><hr> Highsea - these are good but there is some truth to a lot of them. I used to work with the Amish many years ago. One guy had a phone booth in his cornfield. It wasn't in his house so it was fine. Another had an 8-track tape player in his buggy which ran on a car battery under the seat. It has always been rumoured that if you can get the Amish women's bonnets off, watch out. Although I never knew any women to try it out. Many Amish as kids were arrested for drunk driving with the horse and buggy. Amish kids would go to Lancaster, PA. and go to the bus station to change clothes and look like regular people so they could raise hell. Come Sunday, they would change back. In our town, we had a movie theater in the late 60's that showed adult films. Amish would change clothes to come into town and watch them. They are not as holy and righteous as everybody thinks. But you'll never find a harder worker.
DG - this is no lie <hr /></blockquote>
<font color="blue"> DG,
I can voutch for you on most of this stuff. In Landcaster (when I lived in York) there were Amish men who would change clothes, drive a truck all week, then come home and change back and presto, they were Amish again.
I never had any desire to get a bonnet off one of the Amish I saw but did hear the same thing. You ever play the Sunday tournament at Ivories in York or the one at Yankee Billiard Club?
Never ran over an Amish buggy... </font color>
12-15-2004, 03:07 PM
D2 - I never played at Ivories but my cousin Cliff Leahy did all the time. Not sure if he played at Yankee. I rarely play on 9 footers since I don't have one at home, and once in a while I'll go to the local PH for something different. Amish people are a riot. They want you to think they are a quiet people that want nothing to do with the outside world, but one Amish farm I was at had a corvette behind the barn hidden in a corn field.
DG - go figure
12-15-2004, 03:15 PM
If you ever get the chance to visit Yankee's it's worth the visit. It is a private club but I'm a member and you can get in on my name and play on some of the best tables around. Pete Calabracy used to meet me there for tournaments and he loved the great food and people. Several top Phili players usually show up so it's tough competition but a ton of fun. I have played Cliff at Ivories once or twice in the Sunday tournament.
I miss swerving to miss the Amish!
12-15-2004, 03:34 PM
Pete's a good guy. I run into him at Valley Forge and the state 8 ball tourney in Lancaster. He has his own room in Pottsville now. Named for his daughter. I've never been there, but he runs weekend tourneys all the time. I get to Pottsville once in awhile during the day for work, but he only opens at 4pm. By that time, I'm back home.
Sehn dich Schpeeder!
12-17-2004, 01:52 PM
Your best friend's #### tastes like s**t!
Disgusting, but in California they probably know those things /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
12-17-2004, 02:56 PM
I think you guys are bundling the whole state to LA and San Fran.
I live in OC. You'd be amazed the different demographics here from county to county.
I love being in OC though. People in general are nice. Great county. I can go to the beach in the morning and watch the Angels play at night. You can even surf in the morning and ski at night.
The people here are more open-minded. Hate mongering is not tolerated here.
LA and OC are two very different counties. So are San Bernardino and San Diego counties.
12-17-2004, 03:54 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I think you guys are bundling the whole state to LA and San Fran. You'd be amazed the different demographics here from county to county <hr /></blockquote>
This is correct. To start with it's a really big State - I live sixty miles north of San Francisco and 650 miles north of San Diego and I'm still a few hundred miles south of the Oregon border.
Not only do the demographics from county to county differ but the geography and the climate differs depending on what part of the State you're in. For example, up here we have lots of trees and rivers and lakes and down there they have desert, and sand, and cactus and malls and freeways and miles of concrete and beaches where you can bask in the sun and a warm ocean you can swim in. We have beaches in the North too but they're mostly rocky with steep life threatening cliffs that you must first scale down before you can wade into the ice cold 45 degree water for about two minutes - after which your feet turn blue.
There is a South to North migratory pattern in effect. Many former southerners have taken up residence in the north disavowing their southern heritage in the process. It remains true that if you scratch most Northern Californians you'll find a Southern Californian underneath - it's just a question of WHEN they/we got here. Likewise, many recent and past Oregonians are just Johnny come lately Northern Californians.
There is also an underlying hostility on behalf of Northern Californians towards Southern Californians because so much of where they live would be uninhabitable without our water. As a result they have dammed up so many of our rivers and absconded with so much or our water (or tried to) that we are now blood enemies. Because they have the largest population and the strongest political representation, they also get the lion's share of highway funds and have the most bodacious multilane freeways on the planet Freeways that get built or rebuilt at the drop of a hat (or an earthquake). Here in Nor Cal we can wait years for the money just to get a pothole filled.
Did I mention that we hate them with a passion?
On the other hand when our Southern California brothers are informed that we Northerners feel the enmity that we do - they are invariably surprised. It's pretty much a one way kind of deal with us doing all the hating and them being oblivious to how we feel. This of course only makes us hate them all the more.
Let's just say that there are many in the North who would be happy to secede and would have split the State in half long ago if not for the fact that last time the opportunity presented itself we couldn’t agree on where to draw the border. The Southerners refused to take Fresno and that turned out to be a deal breaker. Can you imagine the Raisin Capital of the World being part of OUR State? Me either.
That problem like so many between us remains as yet unresolved but I haven't entirely given up hope.
Until that time…
Snake <~~~ lived in So Cal for years before moving to Nor Cal.
12-17-2004, 04:11 PM
Snake, when I'm ready to retire, I might move up there. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
I want a house where I can build a dang shop and my neighbors don't call the police on me for it. /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
12-18-2004, 07:42 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Cueless Joey:</font><hr> I think you guys are bundling the whole state to LA and San Fran.
I live in OC. <hr /></blockquote>
I think the only place that is more Republican than Orange County is Southwest Ohio /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif
12-18-2004, 10:01 AM
Heck, OC is so Republican, Barbra Streisand had to shut up about his pro-Bill Clinton mini-speech during his concert at the Pond.
12-18-2004, 10:24 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Cueless Joey:</font><hr> Heck, OC is so Republican, Barbra Streisand had to shut up about his pro-Bill Clinton mini-speech during his concert at the Pond. <hr /></blockquote>
That must be the first time in a long time that it shut its pie-hole
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