PDA

View Full Version : Why did the chicken cross the road?



highsea
12-26-2004, 11:41 PM
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

VOLTAIRE:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?

Qtec
12-27-2004, 05:37 AM
/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Here is a couple of my own, off the top of my head! /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

eg8r: "Who cares about the chicken- what about Clinton?!" /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Reagan: "This could be the end of America as we know it."

Rumsfeld: "You go to war with the chicken you have." /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Swift Boat Chickens for Truth: "We have 200 chickens that say he never crossed the road." /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

FL: "That chicken cant run 3 friggin balls! Capiche."

Gayle: "It says quite clearly in Pecker McChicken,s book that........". /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Highsea: "The chicken didnt get there by accident. He was using the Mega ZX ; a laser precision, satalite [sp?] guided,revolutionary system provided by Iran, pakistan,....". /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Wally: "Who cares?"

Q /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif merry christmas all. [ bring it on /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif Sure I,m going to get some Q quotes.]

highsea
12-27-2004, 06:39 AM
okay, here's a couple more..

Qtec: The chicken didn't crosss the road, Do you have any evidence that the chicken crossed the road? There was no Chicken! Show us the chicken!

nhp: We should force all republican chickens to cross the road.

Ross: It was a reasonable redistribution of chickens, if you will look at this graph of the chicken concentation you will see that since 1950, the number of chickens on that side of the road has steadily declined, while...

Hondo: Good answer Ross!

John Kerry: Wrong chicken, wrong road, wrong time.

Jacqes Chirac: Under no circumstances will France allow any chickens on that side of the road.

Kofi Annan: We are pulling all of our chickens from that side of the road due to safety concerns.

Michael Moore: 10,000 chickens have crossed the road.

Dan Rather: We have new evidence that a turkey has crossed the road...

/ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Qtec
12-27-2004, 07:23 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Qtec: The chicken didn't crosss the road, Do you have any evidence that the chicken crossed the road? There was no Chicken! Show us the chicken!
<hr /></blockquote>

LOL /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

It could have been a Turkey? How do we know for sure? /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Q /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Wally_in_Cincy
12-27-2004, 08:03 AM
Wally: I'm glad that stupid liberal chicken crossed the road. He was driving me nuts. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Chopstick
12-27-2004, 09:03 AM
/ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

You guys are killing me.

Why did the man cross the road?

Becuase he heard the chicken was a slut.

cheesemouse
12-27-2004, 09:04 AM
PRESIDENT BUSH AT PRESS CONFERENCE ABOUT THE CHICKEN...

I saw the chicken start to cross the road and I blew his ass away before he reached the right side of the white line in the center and then when the chickens on the left side of the line came over to try and save the flip/flopping chicken I would gun my 'big' SUV and sqash their commie ass....LOL..."it was real fun, I really liked it a lot....what was the question you asked before you made me think of fun things that happen to me sometimes..."

Wally_in_Cincy
12-27-2004, 09:24 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Chopstick:</font><hr> Why did the man cross the road?

Becuase he heard the chicken was a slut. <hr /></blockquote>

must have been larry flynt

Tom_In_Cincy
12-27-2004, 09:36 AM
<font color="blue"> Wally In Cincy </font color>
<font color="brown"> Has to take 'the word' of Qtec, hondo, highsea and others' that indeed the Chicken did cross the road. </font color>

[ QUOTE ]
Hamiltucky was the last rural area of Louisiana that Huey Long had promised 'roads', sadly all road construction in Hamiltucky was stopped in the early 60s. To date, there are still gravel roads and some pretty hard dirt paths.

Besides, no decent chicken would wonder from their side of road unless they are being chased. <hr /></blockquote>

Deeman2
12-27-2004, 09:43 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote cheesemouse:</font><hr> PRESIDENT BUSH AT PRESS CONFERENCE ABOUT THE CHICKEN...

I saw the chicken start to cross the road and I blew his ass away before he reached the right side of the white line in the center and then when the chickens on the left side of the line came over to try and save the flip/flopping chicken I would gun my 'big' SUV and sqash their commie ass....LOL..."it was real fun, I really liked it a lot....what was the question you asked before you made me think of fun things that happen to me sometimes..." <hr /></blockquote>

<font color="blue"> I was for the chicken crossing the road, before I was against it. Kerry

Does the chicken have job skills needed badly in the border states? Bush

By 2008 that chicken will need health care. H. Rodam Clinton

I like the little girley man chickens with breasts. Arnold

That chicken is on something. Bud Selig

Can we barbeque that chicken? Deeman

Don't get me started on that chicken vs. the egg thing. Men have no right to discuss this!!! Gayle

For $85,000 I'll give an opinion on the chicken. For $1,000,000 I talk him across the road. Al "The Franchise" Sharpton

The hapless chicken was on a peaceful road, then Bush attacked it. Michael Moore

Comrades, Be the Chicken. Qtek

You come with the Chicken you have. Donald Rumsfield

Chickens are not allowed in Hamiltucky. Wally

If it's a French chicken, it won't even try to cross the road. Is it a yellow chicken? Spiderman

The chicken made a superfulous and, might I say, disenguinuous but albeit fortuitous foray into the unknown. I take the road, 9-5. Grady

If Kerry would have been elected, John Kerry would have healed that poor chicken. John Edwards

That chicken can't run 10 balls, hell he'll never get across that street. Pretty Boy Floyd

That was the greatest chicken crossing I ever witnessed. The'll be talking about this one for many, many years. Mitch Laurence.

Deeman


</font color>

Chopstick
12-27-2004, 09:54 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr>

<font color="blue">
Don't get me started on that chicken vs. the egg thing. Men have no right to discuss this!!! Gayle

The chicken made a superfulous and, might I say, disenguinuous but albeit fortuitous foray into the unknown. I take the road, 9-5. Grady

Deeman
</font color> <hr /></blockquote>

These are a couple of real gems here DeeMan. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Wally_in_Cincy
12-27-2004, 10:07 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr>

Don't get me started on that chicken vs. the egg thing. Men have no right to discuss this!!! Gayle
<hr /></blockquote>

/ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

I read a book written by one of the foremost journalists of all time, Colonel Sanders, that said that chicken already knew he was going to cross that road before he even got there because the Colonel had "hatched" a plot to kill the chicken's dad.

SPetty
12-27-2004, 01:06 PM
In Texas, the chicken crossed the road to prove to the armadillo it could be done. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Looks like in Arizona, it was a possum?
http://www.nickh.org/pix/notmyjob.jpg

Wally_in_Cincy
12-27-2004, 02:00 PM
nice pic. I guess the striper was a union guy

it's possums in Ohio too

I worked with a guy and his young daughter was acting like she was asleep and he told her she was "playing possum".

she said "dad what's a possum?"

he thought for a minute and said "you know those long-tailed critters you see on the side of the road" /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Wally &lt;~~ has never seen a live armadillo

SnakebyteXX
12-27-2004, 03:04 PM
[ QUOTE ]
"playing possum" <hr /></blockquote>

We have them out here in California too. I once owned a full blood Alaskan Timber wolf named Kodiac. One evening a possum wondered on to our patio and I sent my wolf out to greet him. Upon seeing Kody's approach the possum promptly fell over and played dead - like possums have always done. Kody on the other hand couldn't care less, he ignored the act and pounced. My wolf made a meal out of that possum in nothing flat -

Depends on where you live and what might be after you - but sometimes 'playing dead' to get out of trouble simply will not get the job done.

Snake

Deeman2
12-27-2004, 03:12 PM
SPetty,

Tori has an unreasonable fear of possums! She tries to get me to run over them everytime we see one. I won't do it as Greenpeace would hunt me down and, besides, it's not good for wheel alignment. I'll share this picture with her.

Deeman

Rod
12-27-2004, 08:01 PM
CHEECH and CHONG,

The chicken crossed the road to get high man. Hey man did I ever tell you about my pet chicken? Yea we all use to sit around and get loaded and stuff -------

Mr Ingrate
12-28-2004, 09:15 AM
The chicken crossed the road for some fowl reason.

Mr Ingrate
12-28-2004, 09:16 AM
Why did the punk rocker cross the road?



He was stapled to the chicken.

Chopstick
12-28-2004, 11:04 AM
Down in Southhaven Miss. There used to be this pool room I used to work in. I think the name was Chandler's. It was crowded every week end. There was this real good looking girl who used to come in there. She was real stuck up and we called her the Princess.

One Friday night some boys had caught a possum and they snuck it in and put it in the womens bathroom. The bathrooms were really small. Just a sink and a toilet in there. Well, Princess was the next one to go to the bathroom. She came outta there running across the room screaming there's a huge rat in the bathroom.

Well, we all had a good laugh and then we were left with how to get the possum out of there. A couple of guys were talking about going out to the truck and getting a 22 and shooting it. I've always had a soft spot for animals and I didn't want to see that done so, I went in there with the possum. Another fellow came in and asked me what I was going to do. Turns out he knew something about possums and he showed me how to get one by the tail and pick him up.

Well, I got the possum by the tail and lifted him up. I had explained to the possum that if he didn't come with me they were going to kill him. As I lifted him up he reached out with all fours and grabbed hold of my thigh. That made me nervous for a second but he didn't do anything else he just hung on there. I turned and walked him out of the room. As I passed one fellow he said you got that thing kinda close to your tool don't you. I hadn't thought of that until just then. I looked down at the possum who was then looking up at me and said you better not. I took him out back to the edge of the parking lot and when he saw the tall grass he started wiggling and I turned him loose. He took one hop off my leg and stopped and gave me a look and then took off. Somehow he knew I was looking out for him.

ChopStick &lt;~~~gets along with critters.

Wally_in_Cincy
12-28-2004, 11:49 AM
If you've ever had a body part bitten off by a possum...



you might be a redneck /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Deeman2
12-28-2004, 11:59 AM
I'm not really sure if that story makes me want to laugh or cry. I may do both.
/ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
Deeman

SecaucusFats
12-28-2004, 02:15 PM
Down in the Florida Keys they are having a real problem with Giant Gambian Pouched Rats,(the biggest rats in the world). Seems some locals bought them as pets and then turned them loose. The rats are HUGE omnivores, and they multiply like..well, rats! They pose a big problem to the native plant and animal species.

In the Cape Coral area of Florida they are having a big problem with giant monitor lizards. The lizards will eat just about anything including juvenile alligators. Yikes!

SF