View Full Version : bare breasts on the beach make flesh crawl?

01-30-2005, 02:47 PM
Why do bare breasts on the beach make some people's flesh crawl?

We are still Americans and Puritan at heart, natural-born judges of sinfulness. To many of us, areolas are naughty.
By John Bogert

Dave, a good friend of mine, was on a topless beach in Spain last summer with his wife and Martha, his 78-year-old mom who decided that she too would join in the healthy fun.

"No," said a horrified Dave. "Yes," insisted Martha, rolling down her venerable one-piece. "Fine," concluded Dave, raising the foot-end of dear-old mom's lounge chair and sledding her down the sandy beach. "Now do what you want!"

This, my favorite top topless beach story, came to mind when I heard about Liana Johnson's efforts to legalize topless sunbathing in California. The Ventura County public defender calls this the only area of the law that exclusively targets women. As proof she cites a recent court case in Orange County that may indicate that any woman displaying "any portion of the breast at or below the upper edge of the areola" might be required to register as a sex offender.

Mind you, this has never happened and it seems to be highly unlikely that it will, but that doesn't stop the lawyer from wearing a badge reading: "I support breast equality."

Hey, who doesn't? Except for Randy Thomasson, president of The Campaign for Children and Families, who called Johnson's idea "loopy," stating, "We already have too many sexual assaults in our society. This will fuel that fire."

So you see, women shouldn't be allowed to go around "asking for it" because men -- animals all -- can't be expected to maintain self control.

Still the O.C. Court of Appeals did rule that anyone convicted of misdemeanor indecent exposure must be listed as a sex offender under Megan's Law, which means that cited topless female bathers might possibly have their names listed on an Internet site along with rapists, flashers and various other scum.

Meanwhile Attorney General Bill Lockyer claims that women have nothing to fear because breasts are strictly "indecent and not lewd" in California, a liberal state where exposing the dreaded areola in public is perfectly legal as long as there is a feeding baby attached to it.

Johnson, who took her loopy argument to an October bar association convention, still sees urgency in this matter and she's probably right. What lawyer doesn't know that the law and not the word of some quasi politician is going to win out if somebody decides to push it?

But who can blame Johnson for being upset and noting that this is a case of "men's breasts became liberated and women's did not." Which is why a group of lawyers, at Johnson's urging, last week asked the state Legislature to make breasts legal. Or at least that portion of the forbidden zone beneath the likely-to-cause-sex offenses areola.

This argument takes on added heft as we approach the one-year anniversary of that watershed event, that defining moment when defenders of family values and politicians looking to make hay gazed upon Janet Jackson's breast and said, "No new areolas!"

Meanwhile, in Europe women are free to sunbathe topless. This they do not so much because they are exhibitionists but because they want to separate American men (oglers who naturally commit sexual offenses) from European men (those who have seen a few areola and are likely to behave.)

But it's not all sweetness and flesh. On a topless bathing island off the Dalmatian Coast I once watched boatloads of leering locals bobbing not 20 feet from shore, hungrily watching -- in what resembled a National Geographic shorebird special -- flesh-exposed tourist females through binoculars.

Down in Miami they reached a quiet accord on this, allowing topless sunbathing as long as women stay put and don't walk their areola around the beach.

Yet the main problem remains. We are still Americans and Puritan at heart, natural-born judges of sinfulness. To many of us, areolas are naughty.

Me, I can't see what these food bowls of mammal infancy have to do with morality. But keep one thing in mind before you go out and invest in binoculars -- Martha, 78, topless, a dish.

link (http://www.dailybreeze.com/columnists/bogert/1211832.html)

01-31-2005, 09:15 AM
I don't see the big deal. As my father used to say about female breasts..."If you've seen one, you've ssse them both!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif