View Full Version : Harvard Unveils New Post Grad Program

03-04-2005, 01:16 PM

Harvard University President Ivory Tower announced a number of new postgraduate programs in areas that she admits have been neglected by the bastions of higher education. "People have criticized academia for not preparing students for `the real world'-these new programs intend to address that criticism head on."

Ms. Tower explained that students would be able to earn doctoral degrees in such diverse disciplines as VCR Repair, Locksmithing, Hair, Nails and Tanning Technology, and Mixology. "We're very excited about the programs," said Tower. "We hope to offer the opportunity to earn a PhD to a whole group of people who probably never gave two sh*ts about higher education."

The faculty seems to been excited about the new programs. Spokesman Dr. Joey Suzu, Dean of the newly constituted School of Applied Auto Sales was positively exuberant. "We think we are establishing a new epistemological paradigm by benchmarking an individual's core competencies vis-a-vis the free market's relevance-[censored]-ruthlessness doctrine, thereby enabling previously marginalized individuals to integrate the post-industrial serveconomy and achieve some semblance of medium-to-long-term pecuniary stability. Trust me on this one." /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif