View Full Version : Another day at the "office"

04-30-2005, 09:55 AM
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've
been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would
share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not
so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened
to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities
of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet
suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So
what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel
powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it
to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to
the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the
air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and
I've used it several times with no complaints. What I
do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet
suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's
like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my
butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my
butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my
back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized
what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up
a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I
don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as
fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an
itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the
crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the
communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the
fact that he, along with five other divers, were all
laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the
dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing
in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five
minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my
chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the
surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As
I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of
laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
cream and told me to
rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The
cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two
days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think
about how much worse it would be if you had a
jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Gayle in MD
05-03-2005, 08:21 PM
Wow, what a story! Just think, things could have been worse, instead of a kick a$$ day, it could have been a ball buster!

What do you do anyway? I thought you were retired.
Gayle in Md., sorry...couldn't resist...