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dg-in-centralpa
05-31-2005, 06:10 PM
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.


Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time; phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter what your legs look like. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

cueball1950
05-31-2005, 10:00 PM
Duane....you know me all to well.......lol

CarolNYC
06-01-2005, 12:55 AM
But I bet you can't get out of a speeding ticket /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
love ya,
Carol~glad to see you writing! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Nightstalker
06-01-2005, 04:09 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> But I bet you can't get out of a speeding ticket /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
love ya,
Carol~glad to see you writing! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>
/ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Wally_in_Cincy
06-01-2005, 05:20 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> But I bet you can't get out of a speeding ticket <hr /></blockquote>

We also have to buy our own drinks.

In addition, Mother's Day has to be like Christmas for mothers, but Father's Day is just another day to wash the car and mow the grass /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

I do like this part though.... [ QUOTE ]
the world is your urinal <hr /></blockquote>..comes in handy when you're drinking beer /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Sid_Vicious
06-01-2005, 05:43 AM
You forgot the words of wisdom from Gary Bussey from the movie Taxi, "Women have half of the money, and they have ALL the...." Men happier? We're cursed dag-nab-it...sid

catscradle
06-01-2005, 05:51 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> But I bet you can't get out of a speeding ticket /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
love ya,
Carol~glad to see you writing! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Ahhh, but we can if we're willing to be humble (tough for some men) and boast some cops starving ego.
"I's sorry SIR, I's didn't know I was going that speed. I'll be careful in the future. Thank you SIR!"

Deeman2
06-01-2005, 05:58 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote catscradle:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> But I bet you can't get out of a speeding ticket /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
love ya,
Carol~glad to see you writing! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Ahhh, but we can if we're willing to be humble (tough for some men) and boast some cops starving ego.
"I's sorry SIR, I's didn't know I was going that speed. I'll be careful in the future. Thank you SIR!"
<hr /></blockquote> <font color="blue"> I'd rather have the ticket.... </font color>

MosconiJr
06-01-2005, 08:17 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr><font color="blue"> I'd rather have the ticket.... </font color> <hr /></blockquote>

tap, tap, tap

dg-in-centralpa
06-01-2005, 09:16 AM
I'm right with you on this.

DG = hates when wifey packs for a trip, takes her three days for a three day trip

catscradle
06-01-2005, 09:41 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman2:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote catscradle:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> But I bet you can't get out of a speeding ticket /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
love ya,
Carol~glad to see you writing! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Ahhh, but we can if we're willing to be humble (tough for some men) and boast some cops starving ego.
"I's sorry SIR, I's didn't know I was going that speed. I'll be careful in the future. Thank you SIR!"
<hr /></blockquote> <font color="blue"> I'd rather have the ticket.... </font color> <hr /></blockquote>

If you lived in the People's Republic of Massachusetts where a speeding ticket haunts you seemingly forever in the form of insurance surcharges you might think differently.

Patrick
06-01-2005, 11:10 AM
What is wrong with you humans? I am neither male nor female, so why do you want to be? Female and male is no different to me, it is still made of the same material. Everyone are the same, I am you...an unknown human sitting on the bus is me, so why be happy being a male if you are also a female? It doesn't change anything the way something looks either.

Nightstalker
06-01-2005, 11:18 AM
So you're asexual? Do you copulate with yourself? /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

landshark77
06-01-2005, 02:32 PM
BUT in the end us women have something you boys want...and that is what rules the world!!!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan
06-01-2005, 02:40 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> BUT in the end us women have something you boys want...and that is what rules the world!!!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

And it seems against the established rules of supply and demand .... there's less of our commodity available at any given time, yet yours is somehow accorded the status of scarcity /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan

landshark77
06-01-2005, 03:30 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> BUT in the end us women have something you boys want...and that is what rules the world!!!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

And it seems against the established rules of supply and demand .... there's less of our commodity available at any given time, yet yours is somehow accorded the status of scarcity /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Exactly...women don't need a man to be fullfilled....we have a whole array of options! /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

Stretch
06-01-2005, 04:12 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> BUT in the end us women have something you boys want...and that is what rules the world!!!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>


And it seems against the established rules of supply and demand .... there's less of our commodity available at any given time, yet yours is somehow accorded the status of scarcity /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Exactly...women don't need a man to be fullfilled....we have a whole array of options! /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Hence the supply and demand problem. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif Stretch ~~for what i do, not who i am hehe~~

Nightstalker
06-01-2005, 04:23 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr>Exactly...women don't need a man to be fullfilled....we have a whole array of options! /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Such as? /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

CarolNYC
06-02-2005, 01:57 AM
[ QUOTE ]
but Father's Day is just another day to wash the car and mow the grass
<hr /></blockquote>
Yeah, but just think Wally,
After ALL YOUR chores are done, you get to pop open that beer and sitback with the remote /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gifFor alittle while,at least /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Carol

CarolNYC
06-02-2005, 02:27 AM
[ QUOTE ]
I's didn't know I was going that speed. I'll be careful in the future. Thank you SIR!"
<hr /></blockquote>
Allright there Catscradle /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Wrong answer-definite ticket in NY,LMAO-As you know, my younger brother is a NOW ESU Detective )He's so gungho,I call him Baretta,now -I love my brother /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif),anyways,as a family member, your usually given courtesy with warning because the trick is, you keep the license BEHIND the courtesy NYPD shield,right? Right-Cop sees it,blah,blah-hopefully he likes your family member,you get off(no pun there lamdshark,LMAO)-but it can go either way-well, while my brother was in Police Academy(no badges yet), he told me "Whatever you do, never ADMIT you were speeding without somekind of EMERGENCY,like at home,gotta pee,who knows-give the cop something to think about-well,check this out-Im headed to Manhatten to a tri-state-(between the Outerbridge and SI Expwy to Verranzano, theres a strip called the West Shore Expwy)-I jump on it~9:30 am and Im booking ,doing 80 (I THINK the speed limits 50?) -here they come,lights and sirens-I open window,look at cop and Im really anxious to get to the tournament and I say,like in a life or death kinda way /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif "Listen Officer, Im headed to a BIG pool tournament ,cause Im a poolplayer,and I have to try and win some money,otherwise Im going on welfare,can ya give me a break and just let me get to Manhatten?"He looks at me and smiles and says 'Thats the first time I've heard that one-get going and good luck in the tournament!" /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gifTHANK you pool!
I made it to tournament, it was an open,only placed ,I think 16th,right BEFORE the damn money, but I won anyway cause I got out of a 150.00 speeding ticket,points,blah,etc! /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

So moral,if you got your cues,"big tournament,means of survival or welfare"-it might help!

Carol /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

CarolNYC
06-02-2005, 02:34 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Massachusetts where a speeding ticket haunts you seemingly forever in the form of insurance surcharges you might think differently. <hr /></blockquote>

Whoa, yep! /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif
Carol

CarolNYC
06-02-2005, 02:39 AM
[ QUOTE ]
us women have something you boys want...and that is what rules the world!!!! <hr /></blockquote> Michelle,Michelle,Michelle,
Havent I taught you anything-cm'on now, EVERYONES got a mouth-yo! /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Carol-gotta love her! /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

CarolNYC
06-02-2005, 02:46 AM
Heres the joke:
Speaking in broken Hawaiian English:

"Three ducks go to court-judge say to first duck :What your name,why you here" First duck say "My name is quack, I get caught blowing bubbles in pond" Judge say-you sentenced 6 months-Second duck,again,judge say"What your name,why you here" My name quack,quack and I get caught blowing bubbles in pond" Judge give same sentence- third duck come, Judge say "No tell me your name Quack,quack,quack?" Third duck say, " No, my name is Bubbles! /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Carol /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

catscradle
06-02-2005, 05:27 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> ...
So moral,if you got your cues,"big tournament,means of survival or welfare"-it might help!

Carol /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

<hr /></blockquote>

I will bear that in mind, now I'll have to get a cheap case and cue I wouldn't mind having stolen to keep laying across my back seat at all times.
I don't think I can use the welfare line, but I might be able to do something with social security being inadequate. I'm not retired yet, but he (or she) needn't know that. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Barbara
06-02-2005, 06:45 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> I open window,look at cop and Im really anxious to get to the tournament and I say,like in a life or death kinda way /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif "Listen Officer, Im headed to a BIG pool tournament ,cause Im a poolplayer,and I have to try and win some money,otherwise Im going on welfare,can ya give me a break and just let me get to Manhatten?"He looks at me and smiles and says 'Thats the first time I've heard that one-get going and good luck in the tournament!" /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gifTHANK you pool!
I made it to tournament, it was an open,only placed ,I think 16th,right BEFORE the damn money, but I won anyway cause I got out of a 150.00 speeding ticket,points,blah,etc! /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

So moral,if you got your cues,"big tournament,means of survival or welfare"-it might help!

Carol /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

<hr /></blockquote>

Can you see me shaking my head?

See ya Saturday, Toots.

Barbara

Stretch
06-02-2005, 11:13 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> &lt;/font&gt;&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;font class="small"&gt;Quote:&lt;/font&gt;&lt;hr /&gt;
I's didn't know I was going that speed. I'll be careful in the future. Thank you SIR!"
<hr /></blockquote>
Allright there Catscradle /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Wrong answer-definite ticket in NY,LMAO-As you know, my younger brother is a NOW ESU Detective )He's so gungho,I call him Baretta,now -I love my brother /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif),anyways,as a family member, your usually given courtesy with warning because the trick is, you keep the license BEHIND the courtesy NYPD shield,right? Right-Cop sees it,blah,blah-hopefully he likes your family member,you get off(no pun there lamdshark,LMAO)-but it can go either way-well, while my brother was in Police Academy(no badges yet), he told me "Whatever you do, never ADMIT you were speeding without somekind of EMERGENCY,like at home,gotta pee,who knows-give the cop something to think about-well,check this out-Im headed to Manhatten to a tri-state-(between the Outerbridge and SI Expwy to Verranzano, theres a strip called the West Shore Expwy)-I jump on it~9:30 am and Im booking ,doing 80 (I THINK the speed limits 50?) -here they come,lights and sirens-I open window,look at cop and Im really anxious to get to the tournament and I say,like in a life or death kinda way /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif "Listen Officer, Im headed to a BIG pool tournament ,cause Im a poolplayer,and I have to try and win some money,otherwise Im going on welfare,can ya give me a break and just let me get to Manhatten?"He looks at me and smiles and says 'Thats the first time I've heard that one-get going and good luck in the tournament!" /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gifTHANK you pool!
I made it to tournament, it was an open,only placed ,I think 16th,right BEFORE the damn money, but I won anyway cause I got out of a 150.00 speeding ticket,points,blah,etc! /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

So moral,if you got your cues,"big tournament,means of survival or welfare"-it might help!

Carol /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

<hr /></blockquote>

I thoroughly enjoyed your post Carol! Thanks for the tips on how to relate to the cops. Hope we don't need to test your strategy's out this fall when we're in town thought! /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif St. ~~is New York like big?~~

CarolNYC
06-02-2005, 12:16 PM
Hiya Stretch,
[ QUOTE ]
when we're in town <hr /></blockquote>
THAT, I cannot wait for /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[ QUOTE ]
is New York like big?~~
<hr /></blockquote>

NYC,nah, NY State-yep /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Carol~happy, that Stretch is happy! /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

CarolNYC
06-02-2005, 12:18 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Can you see me shaking my head? <hr /></blockquote>
Oh yeah, while YOU'RE
driving YOU'RE BEAST ,ofan animal car, at 120,ah-ite?
/ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Carol~ yep-Saturday it tis!!!!!!!!

Voodoo Daddy
06-02-2005, 12:23 PM
Transtesticle?

CarolNYC
06-02-2005, 12:24 PM
[ QUOTE ]
cheap case and cue I wouldn't mind having stolen to keep laying across my back seat at all times.
<hr /></blockquote>
I was just watching a show "Extreme" and they have this thing for carjackers that they install where tubes run from under car then go outwards towards doors-if someone comes near your car, you press a button and HUGE flames explode outwards-maybe you can look into that /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gifI thought it was kinda cool! /ccboard/images/graemlins/cool.gif

Carol~spent summers in Lowell&amp;Dracut Mass.also,Pelham NH /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan
06-02-2005, 01:11 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> BUT in the end us women have something you boys want...and that is what rules the world!!!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

And it seems against the established rules of supply and demand .... there's less of our commodity available at any given time, yet yours is somehow accorded the status of scarcity /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Exactly...women don't need a man to be fullfilled....we have a whole array of options! /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Us too, but our Moms told us we'd go blind.

SpiderMan

Nightstalker
06-02-2005, 05:07 PM
Well I can still see just fine so mom was full of sh!t man. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

dg-in-centralpa
06-02-2005, 06:26 PM
I've been wearing glasses since third grade(almost 40 years ago). maybe that was my problem. Mom never told me about going blind.

DG - wonder if I could sue her for negligence lol

Vagabond
06-02-2005, 07:45 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> BUT in the end us women have something you boys want...and that is what rules the world!!!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Milk and candy?I want that.
Vagabond /ccboard/images/graemlins/cool.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/cool.gif

catscradle
06-03-2005, 07:40 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr> BUT in the end us women have something you boys want...and that is what rules the world!!!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

And it seems against the established rules of supply and demand .... there's less of our commodity available at any given time, yet yours is somehow accorded the status of scarcity /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Exactly...women don't need a man to be fullfilled....we have a whole array of options! /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Us too, but our Moms told us we'd go blind.

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

As one comedian said (and I can't remember which one) "I'll just do it 'til I need glasses".

landshark77
06-03-2005, 07:52 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote catscradle:</font><hr>
As one comedian said (and I can't remember which one) "I'll just do it 'til I need glasses". <hr /></blockquote>

They have lazer eye surgery now...FYI...so go at it boys, LMAO!

Gayle in MD
06-03-2005, 11:33 AM
Aw, poor guys, you do that, you go blind. You can't do that, you take Viagra, you still go blind! /ccboard/images/graemlins/cool.gif

Really do feel sorry for your guys, really I do, LOL. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Gayle in Md.

poolturtle
06-03-2005, 06:09 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Aw, poor guys, you do that, you go blind. You can't do that, you take Viagra, you still go blind!

Really do feel sorry for your guys, really I do, LOL.
<hr /></blockquote>

Now we have plenty of alternatives to Viagra. Every other commercial is for some new pill.

I love the part that says to call your doctor if the...uhm...effects haven't worn off after 4 hours.

Most of the women I know would kill for 4 straight hours without "equipment failure" /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

Troy
06-03-2005, 08:00 PM
Or quit when you need glasses..... /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Gayle in MD:</font><hr> Aw, poor guys, you do that, you go blind. You can't do that, you take Viagra, you still go blind! /ccboard/images/graemlins/cool.gif

Really do feel sorry for your guys, really I do, LOL. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Gayle in Md. <hr /></blockquote>

MosconiJr
06-06-2005, 09:05 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote landshark77:</font><hr>
They have lazer eye surgery now...FYI...so go at it boys, LMAO! <hr /></blockquote>

Damn, L/S.

Do you know how 'hard' it is now only being able to type with one hand??????????????? /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

MosconiJr