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View Full Version : "Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!



SnakebyteXX
07-13-2005, 09:56 AM
Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

web page (http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/80714812.html)

DebraLiStarr
07-13-2005, 10:08 AM
http://img14.imgspot.com/u/05/193/12/negative15.jpg

pooltchr
07-13-2005, 10:33 AM
Will you please take back all your illegal immigrants as well????????????????

9 Ball Girl
07-13-2005, 10:36 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote DebraLiStarr:</font><hr> http://img14.imgspot.com/u/05/193/12/negative15.jpg <hr /></blockquote>He thinks? /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif LOL /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

9 Ball Girl
07-13-2005, 10:36 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote pooltchr:</font><hr> Will you please take back all your illegal immigrants as well???????????????? <hr /></blockquote>Wait! Some of them are kinda cute! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Chopstick
07-13-2005, 11:43 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote DebraLiStarr:</font><hr> http://img14.imgspot.com/u/05/193/12/negative15.jpg <hr /></blockquote>

http://floridasportsman.com/art/lol.gif http://floridasportsman.com/art/lol.gif http://floridasportsman.com/art/lol.gif http://floridasportsman.com/art/lol.gif

Fran Crimi
07-13-2005, 12:44 PM
Dear Blue States,

In light of your recent letter, we the Red voters stuck in your Blue States for so long have decided to pull out and join our fellow Red States. As we're sure you'll understand, we'll be taking our businesses and assets with us.

Unfortunately, that will mean a few changes for you but we're sure you'll adapt. Of course the funding for your charitable foundations will be coming with us. Maybe you can raise taxes to fill in those gaps for medical research. Hey, it's not so bad---you'll still have the arts.

We're sorry you'll be losing your corporate pensions, but you'll still have Social Security, so you'll be fine.

You're probably going to need more space for your welfare offices, but that shouldn't be a problem. There'll be plenty of office space available on Wall Street.

We wish you the best of luck in drilling for oil in New York City. We hear there are ample reserves in the bedrock below Manhattan. Oh, we're sorry that we can't supply the drilling equipment so we're leaving you an ample supply of pics and shovels just to get you started.

Oh, and of course we wish you the best of luck with Hillary and Bill, and Barbara Streisand, and Gary Coleman.

Nice knowing ya.


<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SnakebyteXX:</font><hr> Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

web page (http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/80714812.html) <hr /></blockquote>

Gayle in MD
07-14-2005, 02:30 AM
LMAO! This is fabulous! thanks.... /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

pooltchr
07-14-2005, 07:08 AM
Fran,
Great rebuttle! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Steve

Chopstick
07-14-2005, 07:26 AM
Nice one Fran.

Drop1
07-17-2005, 08:23 PM
This should help form a more perfect union.