View Full Version : Because I'm A Man

07-18-2005, 06:17 PM
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire long

after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't
know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of
Holy Communion.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get
as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
"cumin" or tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under
any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene
product" is a euphemism.
(F.Y.I. guys, cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show
looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...

applies to engineers mainly.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so don't ask.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need
to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling
amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and
recommend it to others.
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
__________________________________________________ ___
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like
looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer
wondering what to do.
__________________________________________________ ___
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male.

DG - only when wifey isn't around /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif