eg8r
07-22-2005, 09:42 AM
I thought this was pretty funny as it was very real to me during football season when I was at the University of Florida... [ QUOTE ]
SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the
front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks,
waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Jack Daniels/Crown.
Money is not necessary -- That's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000
people.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the
varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with
ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket
office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the
ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting
list.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to
the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they
don't want to see the few hung-over students that
might actually make it to class and puke on their
floor.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens
the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving
on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really
faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN
on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for
breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is
broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave
to the idiots up north.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it,
listening to local radio station with truck tailgate
down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at
dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave
Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask
for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find
it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game
day it becomes the state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top
with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home
team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with
soda, to ensure enough room for Jack Daniels/Crown.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are still less than half full.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in
perfect four-part harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Jack Daniels/Crown.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and
break his legs."
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and
break his legs."
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the
fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so
proud of his team.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is emptying out.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while
somebody goes to the nearest package store for more
bourbon. Planning begins for next week's game.
<hr /></blockquote>
I loved riding my bike over to the O-Dome parking lot at 7 AM to wake up the "RVers" and have some breakfast. Right afterwards, they would get the smokers hot and ready and put on the meat. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif I sure miss those days.
eg8r
SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the
front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks,
waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Jack Daniels/Crown.
Money is not necessary -- That's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000
people.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the
varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with
ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket
office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the
ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting
list.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to
the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they
don't want to see the few hung-over students that
might actually make it to class and puke on their
floor.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens
the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving
on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really
faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN
on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for
breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is
broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave
to the idiots up north.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it,
listening to local radio station with truck tailgate
down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at
dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave
Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask
for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find
it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game
day it becomes the state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top
with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home
team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with
soda, to ensure enough room for Jack Daniels/Crown.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are still less than half full.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in
perfect four-part harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Jack Daniels/Crown.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and
break his legs."
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and
break his legs."
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the
fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so
proud of his team.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is emptying out.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while
somebody goes to the nearest package store for more
bourbon. Planning begins for next week's game.
<hr /></blockquote>
I loved riding my bike over to the O-Dome parking lot at 7 AM to wake up the "RVers" and have some breakfast. Right afterwards, they would get the smokers hot and ready and put on the meat. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif I sure miss those days.
eg8r