View Full Version : Climate Modeling & New Orleans -November 25, 2000

09-03-2005, 07:23 PM
As Seen by Sancho & Quixote

November 25, 2000

"Sancho, what is that music?"

"La Marseillaise. So welcome back from Florida, Quixote. How come no sun tan?"

"Ah I was sidetracked away from Florida at the last minute, and sent over to the Hague. We almost lost it, Sancho. Thank goodness we tied the place up in knots."


"The Hague. It's been a tiring but productive two weeks for me and my teams."

"So then you did get to work on the election, Quixote?"

"I left a lieutenant in charge--but I sent out a few ballots in my spare time. Though I lost track of the dates and sent some too late. I'll have to answer for that at some point, I tell you. But, what the heck--I'll just tell them I was too busy throwing monkey wrenches into the gears at the Hague."

"How so?"

"Too much science--not enough rhetoric. I hate that. Most days I was busy keeping the troops in line. Sancho, some of my people even had the audacity to suggest that we might be wrong putting our economic well-being ahead of the environment!"

"Did you have them shot, Quixote?"

"Worse. I had to show them who is boss so I sent them off to Dade County to scream at the canvassing board."

"Talk about rotten duty."

"Oh, the worst. Look do me a favor will you? I need you to feed my piranhas while I'm gone."

"Which friends in specific?"

"No, my fish."

"Oh, sorry I get confused some times. Still feeding the little devils mutated frog?"

"Got to get rid of them somehow, Sancho. You know I get a shipment every week now."

"It's amazing how well you can cover your tracks--regardless of the number of feet--with a few carnivorous creatures. So where are you off to, Quixote?"

"Sancho, I can't say--but I'm trying to corner the market on beads. Did you know they float and can get caught in the propellers of oil tankers?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Forget I said that. Actually, we're closing down our offices in the great state of Louisiana. I'm selling some real estate and liquidating some assets--that kind of thing"

"Why are your friends selling their real estate holdings in New Orleans?"

"I didn't say that."

"What happened, your address get given out to Greenpeace?"

"Nope. All I can say, Sancho, is one of the boys from Bermuda Biologicals got a little too loud in a Karaoke bar the other night and so I'm off to liquidate assets."

"Something going to happen there I should know about, Quixote?"

"Where? What do you mean?"

"What's going to happen in New Orleans, Quixote?"

"I know no-thing, Sancho. Because, as you know, there is no way to predict the impact of a chaotic system, like weather, on an area as small as a city more than a few days hence..."

"So who said climate models are the only way to see?"

"Sancho, if anything was going to happen it would be years out. So of course I wouldn't know anything is going to happen because computer models can't resolve a small area and the effects of time..."

"I notice you frame everything in climate modeling terms."

"Those are the rules, Sancho. Get it?"

"How do you sleep at night, Quixote?"

"Look--just feed the fish will you. And keep the doors closed or the piranhas might catch a cold..."

"We wouldn't want that would we? Quixote, I have relatives in New Orleans."

"Fish food...."


"...In the greenhouse."

"What are you saying?"

"The greenhouse, Sancho. Put the frogs in the greenhouse a few days ahead of feedings to rot a bit. The piranhas will leave some and you can use the wet rot for fertilizer for the lilies. I want the lilies strong. I'll need lots of them by the time it's all over."

"You've started growing lilies, Quixote?"

"I'm thinking about starting a new business. So I am learning how to cultivate the lily."

"You are growing flowers? Why does that strike me as odd? What kind of business are you starting?"

"Among other things, I'll be selling lilies to graveyards, Sancho."

"I should have known. You exude charm, Quixote."

"Thank you. Do you know if any lilies float?"

"I think they're called water lilies."

"Water lilies would be perfect. I'll make a note of that. I'll sell them as floating remembrances. I could hire a boat and throw them over the side. They'll grow well in muddy water, I bet. I could get some videos of the service, maybe some deeply religious jazz riffs. I could put it on DVD with some news pictures. Man, there's money to be made in that! Hell you know... I could just show the same damn lily being tossed in the water and sell it over and over. The profits will sink right to my bottom line."

"Quixote, walk with me to the fish tank."

"Sure. You seem a bit vexed, Sancho. Something wrong?"

"Nah. By the way, do piranhas eat human flesh?"

"All the time, Sancho. All the time."

D. H. Gottlieb

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