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dg-in-centralpa
10-10-2005, 05:30 PM
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you
think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream
on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing
the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon
Network!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of
the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was
the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his
picture?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands
up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes,
Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make
sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

DG - it's the beginning of the week, what do you expect

sack316
10-11-2005, 07:38 AM
hey, I resemble those remarks! ( sack316= Johnny on the birth certificate.) I do love the little Johnny jokes though, always pretty funny and there's like a gazillion of 'em.

KWILSON
10-18-2005, 10:45 AM
1st day of school started and the teacher wanted to hear some of the kids experiences of their vacations and tell what they had learned from it.

The 1st stood up and said well i was at my uncle's farm and i milked the cow and when i had tried to carry the milk back to the house i fell and dropped it.

The teacher asked what did you learn from it?
He said don't cry over spilled milk.

The next student stood up and said she had visited her grandmother's home and grabbed some eggs frfom the chicken coop.But on the way back she fell and landed on the eggs.
She said that she learned dont put all your eggs in 1 basket.

Well lil'johnny stood up next and said that he had to pick his dad up from the airport,and his dad told him the story of his war experiences.His dad said that he was in battle once and all he had was a fifth of jack daniels a pistol with 6-bullets and a knife. When all of a sudden 40 terrorist jumped him and he took everyone of them out by himself. Lil' johnny said that he had learned that you dont mess with my dad when he has been drinking! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif