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View Full Version : OK, DG.......The generator



Chopstick
12-05-2005, 09:22 AM
This farmer went down to the local hardware store and told the fellow he wanted to buy a generator. The store owner had known him for years and asked him what he wanted it for. The farmer said he was trying to invent a new kind of milking machine. The store owner said "You only got one cow. Why do you need a milking machine?"

The farmer said "Well, I went to milk the cow this morning and she started trying to kick me with her hind foot. So, I went and got some rope and a stake and I tied down her foot. Then she tried to kick me with her other hind foot so I tied it down too. Then she started smackin' me with her tail so I threw some rope over the rafter and tied her tail up in the air. Well, right then my wife walked in. Now if you can convince my wife that I was fixin to milk that cow, I won't need a generator." /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif

dg-in-centralpa
12-05-2005, 02:44 PM
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one
Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told
the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000
ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you
understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and
brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only
$40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man
stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is
good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday
to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,"
he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend
I had?".


DG

Chopstick
12-06-2005, 06:16 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote dg-in-centralpa:</font><hr> An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one
Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told
the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000
ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you
understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and
brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only
$40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man
stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is
good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday
to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,"
he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend
I had?".


DG <hr /></blockquote>


I would have done the same thing. Hmmm. As a matter of fact, I think I will. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

dg-in-centralpa
12-06-2005, 03:35 PM
Charles and Camilla's Wedding Night

As Camilla was making last-minute preparations to walk down the aisle,
&gt; she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow her
&gt; sister's, which were a bit on the small side.
&gt;
&gt; When the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla
&gt; retired to their room, right next door to the Queen's and Prince
&gt; Phillip's.
&gt;
&gt; As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla flopped
&gt; on the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are
&gt; killing me."
&gt; The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigor,
&gt; but it was stuck fast.
&gt; "Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!"
&gt; "I'm trying, darling!" The Prince yelled back. "It's just so bloody
&gt; tight!"
&gt; "Come on! Give it all you've got!"
&gt; There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed,
&gt; "There! That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels Sooooooooo good!"
&gt;
&gt; In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said,
&gt; "See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a virgin."
&gt; Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.
&gt; "Oh, my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the heir to
&gt; the throne.
&gt; At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said, "That's my boy.
&gt; Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"


DG