PDA

View Full Version : Holiday Stress



wolfdancer
12-13-2005, 10:46 AM
Dealing with Holiday Stress

Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet
time:

Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they
aren't looking.

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares and see what happens.

Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't
you people just leave me alone?'

Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your
nose.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti- depressants are.

Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible
theme.

In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size
funnels.

Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position
and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!
And last, but not least... go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait
a while; and then yell very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Happy Holidays!!!

Deeman3
12-13-2005, 12:35 PM
Nice ones....

sack316
12-13-2005, 12:44 PM
yeah I liked this one too. Sent it to my girl since she's a wal-mart freak. Oh lord, that just made me realize she and I are destined to fit a stereotype for Alabama one day.... D'OUGH!

She is worried now since that is all stuff I am likely to do when out with her

Sack

Deeman3
12-13-2005, 01:02 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote sack316:</font><hr> yeah I liked this one too. Sent it to my girl since she's a wal-mart freak. Oh lord, that just made me realize she and I are destined to fit a stereotype for Alabama one day.... D'OUGH! <font color="blue"> Sack, Don't sweat it. I have had no other choice since moving here. We went yesterday because it's the only place that DeeWoman can get her cell phone minutes recharged. I bought a little $29.95 memory stick for the computer, she bought a $100 phone card, hair coloring???(at Walmart?), and a few other odds and ends, bottom line. 15 minutes in hell, $357!

Now, as an Alabama excuse, there are no other places near me to shop. I refuse to buy family and serious friends gifts from there so it's on-line shopping for Deeman. </font color>

Deeman
Snuggling ever closer to a steriotype...

Sack <hr /></blockquote>

Chopstick
12-13-2005, 01:30 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr>

Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!

<hr /></blockquote>

Ya know, I have actually done this. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

SPetty
12-15-2005, 10:00 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr> I refuse to buy family and serious friends gifts from &lt;WalMart&gt; so it's on-line shopping for Deeman. </font color><hr /></blockquote>Hey Deeman, as one of your serious friends, I can assure you that you need not buy me a gift, and in fact, need look no further than the in-laws house for a few old used videos to send me... /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

We have a new puppy. Her name is Tripper. It's what she does. She's all energy. She chases everything and is underfoot all the time.

Deeman3
12-15-2005, 01:39 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SPetty:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr> I refuse to buy family and serious friends gifts from &lt;WalMart&gt; so it's on-line shopping for Deeman. </font color><hr /></blockquote>Hey Deeman, as one of your serious friends, I can assure you that you need not buy me a gift, and in fact, need look no further than the in-laws house for a few old used videos to send me... /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

We have a new puppy. Her name is Tripper. It's what she does. She's all energy. She chases everything and is underfoot all the time. <hr /></blockquote>

Tripper,

Tell your new folks that Deeman will search his parents basement for the said videos and send them. He has actually been there three or four times but, being a lazy man, not an energetic puppy, he didn't even look for them. /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif

However, he will on the 24th of the month as Deeman actually has a feew days off around Winter Holiday Season (PC for Christmas). Tripper, I feeel very bad today as I had to take my Black Lab, Midnight, to the vet to get nutered! Ouch! Ugh! Wow! I left him there, he was wagging his tail. I had refused to pick him up so Tori did so and he spent last night just looking at me like, "You rotten Master!"

Tripper, have fun. Keep the hawks aways from the new chickens and the Petty's will treat you like a king.

Deeman

SnakebyteXX
12-15-2005, 03:00 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr> Tripper, I feeel very bad today as I had to take my Black Lab, Midnight, to the vet to get nutered! Ouch! Ugh! Wow! I left him there, he was wagging his tail. I had refused to pick him up so Tori did so and he spent last night just looking at me like, "You rotten Master!"


Deeman <hr /></blockquote>

Perhaps your Lab would forgive you if he were to find a set of these under the tree come Christmas morning?

Neuticles (http://www.neuticles.com/index1.html)

SPetty
12-15-2005, 03:04 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote SPetty:</font><hr> the in-laws house<hr /></blockquote><font color="blue">parents basement</font color><hr /></blockquote>OOPS!<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr><font color="blue">I had to take my Black Lab, Midnight, to the vet to get neutered! Ouch! Ugh! Wow!</font color><hr /></blockquote>Deeman, rest assured that it was an excellent decision, it didn't hurt him, it doesn't hurt him, and he feels MUCH better now! He will be happier, kinder, gentler and less prone to wander away and get shot. BTW - did he ever regain use of that leg or did he lose it?<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr><font color="blue"> Tripper, have fun. Keep the hawks aways from the new chickens and the Petty's will treat you like a king.</font color><hr /></blockquote>Or Queen! /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif She's definitely got LeRoy wrapped around her little paw - Molly's getting a little wore out though... /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

Deeman3
12-15-2005, 03:49 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SPetty:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote SPetty:</font><hr> the in-laws house<hr /></blockquote><font color="blue">parents basement</font color><hr /></blockquote>OOPS!<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr><font color="blue">I had to take my Black Lab, Midnight, to the vet to get neutered! Ouch! Ugh! Wow!</font color><hr /></blockquote>Deeman, rest assured that it was an excellent decision, it didn't hurt him, it doesn't hurt him, and he feels MUCH better now! He will be happier, kinder, gentler and less prone to wander away and get shot. <font color="brown"> I know but I still feel like a heel, taking another male in for this.</font color> BTW - did he ever regain use of that leg or did he lose it? <font color="brown">Regained full usage and is in great shape. It took a while but he is as good as new, If you don't count the missing jewells... /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif </font color> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote Deeman3:</font><hr><font color="blue"> Tripper, have fun. Keep the hawks aways from the new chickens and the Petty's will treat you like a king.</font color><hr /></blockquote>Or Queen! /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif She's definitely got LeRoy wrapped around her little paw - Molly's getting a little wore out though... /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif <font color="brown"> Molly looks way too laid back to care about a little pup getting attention.</font color> <hr /></blockquote>

<font color="red"> I'll be looking to send Mr. Poo as well. </font color>

Deeman

wolfdancer
12-15-2005, 05:44 PM
Snake, thanks for that article. I've just ordered the large, original ones, even though they look slightly blue to me. I'm not sure if they weigh 65-90 lbs for the set, or per unit, but
the extra weight will be worth it, when people challenge me, saying "you ain't got no balls...."