PDA

View Full Version : A Brief History of Civilization



SpiderMan
01-06-2006, 12:05 PM
Some 12,000 years ago, humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the winter, and would go to the coast to live on fish and lobster in the summer.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required more grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery, forming the first known villages.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement." Other men, who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the "Liberal movement". Other noteworthy Liberal achievements were the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the Conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals drink imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Tofu and French food are standard liberal fare. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher bat also.

Another interesting evolutionary side note is that many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Often it may be difficult to distinguish gender of the Liberal subspecies, due to the females' habit of shaving their faces while leaving the rest of their bodies hairy.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women, who will invariably possess both "x" chromosomes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and (generally) anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe while the Conservatives forged a nation. Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan

Chopstick
01-06-2006, 01:26 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr>

Another interesting evolutionary side note is that many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Boy, ain't that the truth. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

I can sense Deeman, eg8r, and pooltchr waiting to pounce when somebody makes a comment about your story. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

eg8r
01-06-2006, 01:32 PM
That is pretty funny. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

eg8r

Deeman3
01-06-2006, 03:12 PM
Yes, the winners write the history, the losers recount the votes. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Deeman

SpiderMan
01-10-2006, 03:44 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Chopstick:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr>

Another interesting evolutionary side note is that many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>

Boy, ain't that the truth. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

I can sense Deeman, eg8r, and pooltchr waiting to pounce when somebody makes a comment about your story. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif <hr /></blockquote>

For once, the left is speechless (or perhaps your gentle reminder stole their tongues).

SpiderMan

pooltchr
01-10-2006, 07:49 PM
SpiderMan
I don't know what to think. As one who prefers Scotch over Beer, does this mean I'm not a true conservative??
/ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif

(Funny story!)
Steve

Drop1
01-10-2006, 08:55 PM
Love it. Pass the white wine please,and while your at it a little more meat well done,and then chew my footware. Once a flunky,always a flunky /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan
01-10-2006, 08:57 PM
Anyone who can drink Scotch probably has a healthy dose of hair and testosterone /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan

wolfdancer
01-11-2006, 01:47 AM
how does one respond to another's wet dream????
Do we accept the testerone statement as fact.....just because another right winger added it to his personal labeling system?

wolfdancer
01-11-2006, 02:00 AM
They might be writing history.....but it will never be viewed as positive .....Hitler also made history, after winning the election........when your approval rating is about 30%, and your party has been in control since 2001.......that sounds like even your own people are no longer supporters.
Let's recount those votes........

eg8r
01-11-2006, 06:30 AM
[ QUOTE ]
just because another right winger added it to his personal labeling system?
<hr /></blockquote> Wow, your breakdown yesterday must have been massive. LOL, you are still moaning about this "labeling" stuff in a thread that was meant to be humourous. Just to help further along your recovery, we did not make up the labels they have been around for a while and surely longer than this administration has been around. There is nothing personal about the labels unless you take it personally. At that point it is yours to deal with.

Labels can make you mad and even continue you to have those breakdowns like you had yesterday, but be rest assured, they were here before you and I am sure they will be here after you.

eg8r

DickLeonard
01-11-2006, 06:35 AM
Wolfdancer It had been rumored that some of the Brewers in America supported Hitler. Busch and Coors to name two who were rumored to have supported him.

We need to find out if George Bush dropped the C to become George Bush.####

wolfdancer
01-11-2006, 11:33 AM
ed8r, yesterday I was a little angrier then usual....and while I recognise that the post was intended to be humorous....I once read that everything that one writes reveals a little truth about what you believe in......and when someone added ain't it the truth to the testerone claim....then wondered how "we" would respond, or once again go on the defensive to these new "charges"..... with the idea that you, Steve and Dee, would be lying in wait to pounce on any post.....it's that mentality that gets to me. It ain't what you guys say......it's how you think
I think you were all feudalists, or former plantation owners in former lives, or would have bought into the party line in 1930's Germany, that you were the Master race.
The HUAC witchhunt ruined many lives, with unfounded allegations....this crap you guys espouse that anyone opposing this regime is unAmerican....when all the while...this country is being sold piecemeal to the highest bidders, by the very people that you elected......kinda gets to ya after awhile.
the biggest threat to the country dines at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500
A megalomaniac, with a Messianic complex....who also in his wet dream fantasies, imagines himself as a war hero.
And worse yet, only a heartbeat away is Cheney, who somehow makes Bush look good by comparision.
Other then that I feel pretty good today....the anger has subsided somewhat......hope that you are having a good day as well

wolfdancer
01-11-2006, 11:40 AM
Dick, if you can believe what you read, George the first(GWB), had ties to Nazi Germany.....
and re: Coors....."Adolf" Coors....why does that name sound familiar???

pooltchr
01-11-2006, 01:53 PM
wolf,
I can assure you I don't sit by my computer waiting to pounce on posts.
As for calling anyone who criticizes the government as un-American, well, I guess I would fall into that catagory. I do not approve of everything this or any previous administration I can remember in my lifetime has done in Washington. And even if a Liberterian were elected, I probably wouldn't be 100% satisfied. My arguements are more philosophical rather than politically motivated. I have no interest in whether the administration is republican or democrat...I would however like to see whoever is there act responsibly...something I have seen very little of in the past few decades.

I don't take things personal here. It's a pool forum, afterall...we don't get to dictate what happens in the world, we can only express our opinions. Sometimes, our opinions differ...so be it. It's only when the attacks, name calling and all the bs that goes with it surfaces that I tend to get a little irritated.

Steve

wolfdancer
01-11-2006, 03:03 PM
Steve, I overreact here myself, and do a little name calling of my own. As I see it .....it really isn't "left" Vs "right"....it should be the U.S. citizen, Vs any politician, or any political group, that has violated the oath of their office.

eg8r
01-11-2006, 03:13 PM
[ QUOTE ]
ed8r, yesterday I was a little angrier then usual....and while I recognise that the post was intended to be humorous....I once read that everything that one writes reveals a little truth about what you believe in......and when someone added ain't it the truth to the testerone claim....then wondered how "we" would respond, or once again go on the defensive to these new "charges"..... with the idea that you, Steve and Dee, would be lying in wait to pounce on any post.....it's that mentality that gets to me. It ain't what you guys say......it's how you think
<hr /></blockquote> Even the reply about the pouncing was a joke, not to mean anything except be sarcastic about the activity on other threads. I think you were taking things more serious than needed to be and that is all I was pointing out. No one was waiting to pounce at all, this thread was no different than when Naz used to post his comics. It was humor and that is how I replied to it.

[ QUOTE ]
I think you were all feudalists, or former plantation owners in former lives, <hr /></blockquote> Well, I wish I knew what I did wrong to come back as just an ordinary person. Sheesh, from plantation owner to worker-bee. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[ QUOTE ]
Other then that I feel pretty good today....the anger has subsided somewhat......hope that you are having a good day as well
<hr /></blockquote> I am happy your anger has subsided, somewhat. There is no reason to get angry on this forum. Heck if it would help, you could act like Gayle and just act like you don't reply to my posts.

LOL, I am having a great day thanks for asking. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif However, I have had a heavy mind lately thinking about a pending career change. Kind of looking at straying from what I am comfortable doing and moving into another area in which I know little about. Such is life, no matter which choice I make it is still a job. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

eg8r

SpiderMan
01-11-2006, 03:19 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr> Steve, I overreact here myself, and do a little name calling of my own. As I see it .....it really isn't "left" Vs "right"....it should be the U.S. citizen, Vs any politician, or any political group, that has violated the oath of their office.
<hr /></blockquote>

Amen! Throw the rascals out, regardless of the lineage they claim. There really isn't a dime's worth (or perhaps a dimebag's worth) of difference in them.

SpiderMan

eg8r
01-11-2006, 03:20 PM
[ QUOTE ]
it should be the U.S. citizen, Vs any politician <hr /></blockquote> This is all it is. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

I also believe once a politician always a politician just like our favorite little Dem Jimmy Carter. I came across this page some time ago and always thought it was funny, I don't agree or disagree with all of it, I just thought it was funny. It just made me laugh to read it! (http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2002/051302.asp)

eg8r &lt;~~~~ sorry to break my own rules and stray a bit off topic /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

supergreenman
01-11-2006, 03:55 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote eg8r:</font><hr> &lt;/font&gt;&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;font class="small"&gt;Quote:&lt;/font&gt;&lt;hr /&gt;
it should be the U.S. citizen, Vs any politician <hr /></blockquote> This is all it is. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

I also believe once a politician always a politician just like our favorite little Dem Jimmy Carter. I came across this page some time ago and always thought it was funny, I don't agree or disagree with all of it, I just thought it was funny. It just made me laugh to read it! (http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2002/051302.asp)

eg8r &lt;~~~~ sorry to break my own rules and stray a bit off topic /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif <hr /></blockquote>

That's quite the humorus artical. of course we all know he's been visiting central american countries on humanitarian missions such as habitat for humanity.

Which brings me to this question(since we're all being humorous) If a vegitarian eats vegitables, what does a humanitarian eat? /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif