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SnakebyteXX
01-07-2006, 07:34 PM
"Liberalism"

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Any political, social, religious or economic belief that is not Conservatism.

Known for their extreme Anti-Americanism, shrill political pronouncements, and stunning good looks, liberals are much maligned on LJ and on TV. Liberals believe that there should be no laws, and that you should be able to burn a flag and talk s_hit about the President whenever you want because of the "First Amendment, and if not we will all be living in 1984 OMG" or some bullshit. Liberals also want to outlaw guns because they hurt people. If guns are harmful, why not outlaw cars too? Cars kill more people than guns. Think about that, hippy.

Liberals also are anti-Christian and pro-Islam, which means they wholly support terrorism and want to kill infidels, or anyone who is not a Kennedy. Liberals also love abortions, and frequently suck blood out of fetuses so they can retain eternal youth.

Liberals love fags, and are usually fags themselves. When God-fearing conservatives try to ban homosexuality, liberals, despite wanting no laws, use the courts to mandate that schoolchildren are infected with "teh gay".

Liberals absolutely love to say that the Government and/or Conservatives always come up with all the wrong ideas. They usually complain from the comfort of their living room, usually just sitting back not doing anything about the original problem at hand. A Conservative usually has a wrong idea, and a liberal usually has no idea whatsoever but bitches about how bad the conservative's idea is.

Liberals like Jews control the Media. In fact, all Jews are Liberals. Even Paul Wolfowitz. Liberals also run Hollywood and probably control the Internets.

In short, Liberals are dangerous people with dangerous ideas.

List of Liberals
Al Gore
Michael Moore
Osama bin Laden
Kanye West
Magical Trevor
anyone who does not agree that W is the best, first, and only president ever.

Things Liberals like to do
Quote 1984, Animal Farm or Brave New World
Post long-winded rants that turn into flamewars
Burn bibles, Korans, Talmuds, and any other holy books ever
Tax things
Have unprotected underage sex
Complain

Liberalism (http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Liberalism)

Conservatism
From Encyclopedia Dramatica

The political ideology that maintains that it is generally a good idea to keep the status quo no matter how f_ucked up it is. Based on this definition, no conservative exists, as everybody wants to change something. A more plausible summary of the goal of conservatism: going backwards in time to something like the 1950s.

Conservatives hate all blacks, Europeans, gays, furries, lazy people, men of peace, the human race, and in fact anything that disagrees with their points of view. They like to cut taxes and spend the money on their friends and wars, making women have babies, providing guns to rednecks and pushing the Bible down people's throats.

The US president experienced a dilemma when told by senior staff that he was a conservative. This was because he thought conservating was an activity only undertaken by smelly, tree-hugging hippies.

Generally, conservatives tend to be f_ucking stupid.

Kool-aid
The official seal of the Republican party and conservatives in general is the Kool-aid man, as, much like the members of the suicide cult the drink references, who downed a drug-laced bowl of punch to somehow go on a journey with aliens from another planet, conservatives are easy to trick. It's comparable to the way conservatives down George Bush's bulls_hit where he claimed conquering the nation of Iraq, would somehow protect the US from Iraq's intercontinental ballistic nuclear missiles that, much like the aliens behind the comet, did not exist.

In general, some fun tricks to play on conservatives are to tell them someone is either: trying to kill them, make them pay taxes, have gay sex with them in the ass, or even all three at once. This does not have to be true; but if you say you're a Christian, they'll believe you. You may also have to say how much you love Jesus. Using these simple techniques, you can easily confuse them into thinking you give a [censored] about what you're talking about, or things like convincing them it's good if people are guilty until proven innocent, and that it's good to give up your freedom for a false sense of security (though you should always emphasize how it is not false through dramatic technique). One important thing is to keep them on edge 24/7. This can be accomplished by bitter hags, sensationalist closet homosexuals, and FOX News. It sounds complicated, but is easy once you get the hang of it. They can even trick themselves with it!

Conservatism (community)

Conservatism is also the name of a LiveJournal Community theoretically dedicated to discussion of right-wing politics, but generally more concerned with nonsense about Michael Moore and occasionally "what leftists think" or anti-Americanism.

Qualifications for Membership

An icon that features either an eagle, the stars and stripes and/or the user stroking a handgun

A belief that the liberal bias of all media, ever, is a cast-iron refutal to any theory vaguely implying the poster's leftard-hood.

The ability to work Hilary Clinton or Michael Moore into every conversation

Repressed homosexuality

Lifelong financial insulation from anything resembling 'reality'

Conservativism (http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Conservatism)

SPetty
01-09-2006, 11:41 AM
Now I know. Thanks for this. Very funny.