sack316
02-03-2006, 02:41 AM
I know I've done a few of these from time to time-- the posts where Sack gives his little update and thanks to you all for your help over these years. Truth be told I seriously doubt I could ever write these type of things enough.
I hope it isn't construed as any type of bragging, or even any type of sense of personal accomplishment... I simply want to take the time to give thanks and to give an update to all those who care how I'm doing (which has been evident time and time again that it is quite a few of you). So for those of you who do care, read on! Those that don't will likely be bored, so feel free to hit your back button, lol!
I haven't been posting on here much as of late, nor have I been PMing or emailing those I used to keep in relatively good contact with. So I figure a post on the NPR board would cover all the bases in a quicker manner. So what's up with Sack?
Well, I'm quickly heading to the 18 month mark of being sober. Amazing to me personally as I can plainly recall thinking to myself that I only made it to 30 days because I was at an inpatient treatment facility. Once I got out and *ahem* "paid my debt to society", I saw the 90 day mark as a personal milestone... as that's around the time I relapsed the time before. Lucky for me I had no vehicle and no license through the first year, so my depending on others for rides and such helped a lot as I had people I was forced to be accountable to on an almost daily basis. I may have made it on through, but that safety net being there sure didn't hurt at all.
I finally hit a year hit last August, and just like they told me would happen, I wondered where that year had gone. The days seemed to take forever those first few months, but as time wore on suddenly I was just "there".
Well now it is six months later and I'm still wondering how time is flying by so fast. Also I no longer wonder about "if I can stay sober", but rather I think "how can I not stay sober?" Don't mistake that for confidence... I know what being too comfortable in my sobriety will get me. But I do realize I have reasons to stay clean, for both myself and others.
At the end of this month I will have completed my continuing care program with the rehab facility I went through. And with that little piece of paper I will have completed all my requirements for my supervised probation, and finally... yes FINALLY be done with seeing court referral and probation officers (which will save me a bundle in money, time, and hassles). I'll still be on probation for a few years yet, but I will have nobody I am forced to report to. And I will have the honor of saying that I used these programs the way they were designed to work, and used it to help better myself as a person. I know a lot of people who cheated the system and got away with it, but I will be able to say I did it the right way, which doesn't sound like much, but for someone who was like I was it is a remarkable thing.
On top of those legal woes almost beind behind me, I'm actually paying bills and having money left over to save. It'll be forever before I pay off all the debt that I racked up from those few years, but as far as current everyday living type of things I'm paying every month and can still afford to eat well too! Again that's one of those things that doesn't sound too hard to do, but it's a big deal for me. Also I'm amazed that I can make significantly less than I used to, yet have tons more money to do those things with. Amazing how much you can spend on addiction!
I show up to work and do one helluva job on top of that. In addition to my work at the poolhall, I'm developing greatly as a part-time poker player-- which is nice for supplemental income and allowed me to buy a car, so I'm finally mobile again! Stay off the sidewalks! And I'm still writing for the poker website and am really enjoying being able to be creative again and helping other players. Speaking of players, I'm also finally shooting like my old self again and am once again being called on my newer players and teammates as a pool coach. I'm spending too much time on the little tables and have forgot how to play on a 9 footer, but catch me on the barbox and I'm a threat again!
Beyond all that I'm seeing the rewards of helping others. I'm finally able to give back to all those who have helped me. I give rides when people need them, I can loan out money if someone is a little short for something, and I'm talking with people who think they may have a problem and sending them in the right directions for help. What they do with it is up to them of course, but for every million failed attempts I'll see (and they do break your heart), nothing will ever beat that feeling of the one who finally "gets it". Just as I am suddenly at a year and a half without knowing how exactly I got there, I found myself suddenly working the 12th step, without even realizing I was working. Thank you all for helping me, and know that I know I needed every little bit of help I got from everyone I've had any contact with since 8-17-04... no matter how big or how small, I appreciate and love all of you.
Sack
I hope it isn't construed as any type of bragging, or even any type of sense of personal accomplishment... I simply want to take the time to give thanks and to give an update to all those who care how I'm doing (which has been evident time and time again that it is quite a few of you). So for those of you who do care, read on! Those that don't will likely be bored, so feel free to hit your back button, lol!
I haven't been posting on here much as of late, nor have I been PMing or emailing those I used to keep in relatively good contact with. So I figure a post on the NPR board would cover all the bases in a quicker manner. So what's up with Sack?
Well, I'm quickly heading to the 18 month mark of being sober. Amazing to me personally as I can plainly recall thinking to myself that I only made it to 30 days because I was at an inpatient treatment facility. Once I got out and *ahem* "paid my debt to society", I saw the 90 day mark as a personal milestone... as that's around the time I relapsed the time before. Lucky for me I had no vehicle and no license through the first year, so my depending on others for rides and such helped a lot as I had people I was forced to be accountable to on an almost daily basis. I may have made it on through, but that safety net being there sure didn't hurt at all.
I finally hit a year hit last August, and just like they told me would happen, I wondered where that year had gone. The days seemed to take forever those first few months, but as time wore on suddenly I was just "there".
Well now it is six months later and I'm still wondering how time is flying by so fast. Also I no longer wonder about "if I can stay sober", but rather I think "how can I not stay sober?" Don't mistake that for confidence... I know what being too comfortable in my sobriety will get me. But I do realize I have reasons to stay clean, for both myself and others.
At the end of this month I will have completed my continuing care program with the rehab facility I went through. And with that little piece of paper I will have completed all my requirements for my supervised probation, and finally... yes FINALLY be done with seeing court referral and probation officers (which will save me a bundle in money, time, and hassles). I'll still be on probation for a few years yet, but I will have nobody I am forced to report to. And I will have the honor of saying that I used these programs the way they were designed to work, and used it to help better myself as a person. I know a lot of people who cheated the system and got away with it, but I will be able to say I did it the right way, which doesn't sound like much, but for someone who was like I was it is a remarkable thing.
On top of those legal woes almost beind behind me, I'm actually paying bills and having money left over to save. It'll be forever before I pay off all the debt that I racked up from those few years, but as far as current everyday living type of things I'm paying every month and can still afford to eat well too! Again that's one of those things that doesn't sound too hard to do, but it's a big deal for me. Also I'm amazed that I can make significantly less than I used to, yet have tons more money to do those things with. Amazing how much you can spend on addiction!
I show up to work and do one helluva job on top of that. In addition to my work at the poolhall, I'm developing greatly as a part-time poker player-- which is nice for supplemental income and allowed me to buy a car, so I'm finally mobile again! Stay off the sidewalks! And I'm still writing for the poker website and am really enjoying being able to be creative again and helping other players. Speaking of players, I'm also finally shooting like my old self again and am once again being called on my newer players and teammates as a pool coach. I'm spending too much time on the little tables and have forgot how to play on a 9 footer, but catch me on the barbox and I'm a threat again!
Beyond all that I'm seeing the rewards of helping others. I'm finally able to give back to all those who have helped me. I give rides when people need them, I can loan out money if someone is a little short for something, and I'm talking with people who think they may have a problem and sending them in the right directions for help. What they do with it is up to them of course, but for every million failed attempts I'll see (and they do break your heart), nothing will ever beat that feeling of the one who finally "gets it". Just as I am suddenly at a year and a half without knowing how exactly I got there, I found myself suddenly working the 12th step, without even realizing I was working. Thank you all for helping me, and know that I know I needed every little bit of help I got from everyone I've had any contact with since 8-17-04... no matter how big or how small, I appreciate and love all of you.
Sack