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dg-in-centralpa
02-18-2006, 12:42 PM
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live alone by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to
the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short,
I scored big time!

We made love all night, in the bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom,
all over the house.

We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, like doggies, every
position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky bastard", was she pretty?"

"Dunno... never found the head!"


DG

Drop1
02-18-2006, 07:20 PM
SICK SICK SICK,but I got one sicker than that.

dg-in-centralpa
02-19-2006, 06:56 AM
I'm all ears.

DG

wolfdancer
02-19-2006, 04:15 PM
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her
class one morning and she asked the question, "When
you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body
goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your
hands."

Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your
hands together in front of you and God just takes your
hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I
think it's your legs."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her
face.

"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your
legs?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and
Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs
straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God,I'm
coming!"

If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

SpiderMan
02-20-2006, 02:38 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Drop1:</font><hr> SICK SICK SICK,but I got one sicker than that. <hr /></blockquote>

And I have one that's even worse!

SpiderMan

dg-in-centralpa
02-20-2006, 04:07 PM
I've seen this before and it's still good.

DG - being in bed on a Sunday morning with your legs in the air screaming,"Oh God, I'm coming," doesn't constitute being in church

dg-in-centralpa
02-20-2006, 04:08 PM
Don't torment me, let's have it.

DG

Drop1
02-20-2006, 06:52 PM
No-way SpiderMan,I got the sickest joke of all time,and its not the spittoon stringer joke. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Rich R.
02-20-2006, 07:19 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote dg-in-centralpa:</font><hr>being in bed on a Sunday morning with your legs in the air screaming,"Oh God, I'm coming," doesn't constitute being in church <hr /></blockquote>It doesn't? /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif

onepocketfanatic
02-20-2006, 09:05 PM
Here is one I was told at work last week.
This guy's daughter wants to buy a new dress for the prom, but needs money from her father to get the dress.
The old man tells her that she can have the dress if she will give him some head.
She is of course sickened by this, and runs off.
She conitinues to ask her father day after day and his reply is the same.
Two days before the prom she is desperate, goes to her father and agrees to give him some head.
The old man pulls down his pants, and she puts it into her mouth.
Immediately she gags, pulls away, and tells the old man "that is awful dad your thing tastes like $hit".
The old man looks at her, grins, and says "yea I know, your brother wanted to borrow the car tonight".

SpiderMan
02-21-2006, 04:56 PM
OK, you started this .... go ahead and I'll follow /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

SpiderMan

Drop1
02-21-2006, 08:07 PM
You ready:
Whats the difference between a truck load of sick babies,and a truck load of bowling balls?

Answer YOU CAN'T UNLOAD BOWLING BALLS WITH A PITCH FORK /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif
Now how can you follow that?

dg-in-centralpa
02-21-2006, 08:28 PM
We used to call these the "dead baby" jokes. I haven't heard these in many years. They were always good.

DG

Drop1
02-21-2006, 08:31 PM
I'm on a roll /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Drop1
02-21-2006, 08:33 PM
The last post is SICK....waiting for SpiderMan.

SpiderMan
02-22-2006, 08:26 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Drop1:</font><hr> You ready:
Whats the difference between a truck load of sick babies,and a truck load of bowling balls?

Answer YOU CAN'T UNLOAD BOWLING BALLS WITH A PITCH FORK /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif
Now how can you follow that? <hr /></blockquote>

Hmm - "dead baby" jokes are a little sick, but I was hoping you'd come up with something really disgusting. For now, I'll just fight fire with fire, and hold onto the real maggott-gagger until I get a suitable opening. Here's one:

Why do you always boil a pot of water when a woman is about to have a baby?

If it's dead, you can make soup.

SpiderMan

dg-in-centralpa
02-22-2006, 09:33 AM
LMAO /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

DG

Drop1
02-22-2006, 01:12 PM
Who gags on maggots? I hope you didn't expect the best one this quick. Hey thats like showing your best game for free /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif Your shot. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan
02-22-2006, 01:25 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Drop1:</font><hr> Who gags on maggots? I hope you didn't expect the best one this quick. Hey thats like showing your best game for free /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif Your shot. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif <hr /></blockquote>

No, it's your turn. I shot last, now whatcha got to spoil my dinner?

SpiderMan

Drop1
02-22-2006, 01:28 PM
Whatcha gonna have? I need some inspiration /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

SpiderMan
02-22-2006, 01:32 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Drop1:</font><hr> Whatcha gonna have? I need some inspiration /ccboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Already run dry? C'mon, make me puke /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan

Drop1
02-22-2006, 09:08 PM
I throw in the towel.My Daddy always said,don't fight a fight you can't win. When it comes to sick jokes,you got me beat. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

SpiderMan
02-23-2006, 08:31 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Drop1:</font><hr> I throw in the towel.My Daddy always said,don't fight a fight you can't win. When it comes to sick jokes,you got me beat. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Your daddy had it right. And if there's still any doubters out there:

Percy (a hairstylist) and Bruce (an interior decorator) moved to New York, where Bruce had taken a new job with a firm offering spousal benefits to domestic partners.

Although Bruce was the "fem" of this pair, Percy agreed to the move. Perhaps he fancied a few weeks off to look for a new salon in the big city.

Monday morning after the move, Bruce awakened to a gentle rocking of the bed.

Seeing Percy masturbating into a condom, Bruce rolled over and, with his rear in the air, said "Don't waste that, I'm awake now!".

But Percy replied "There's plenty more where this come's from. Anyway, it's your first day on the new job, so I thought I'd pack you a lunch." /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan

Drop1
02-23-2006, 01:38 PM
I'm back in.
An older dirty skinny homeless guy,walks into a funky bar,and orders a shot.The bartender says noway you never have the money to pay for a drink. The skinny guy says see that spitoon,with the white,and brown foam,and the cigarette butts? Yeah says the bartender. Well if you don't give me a shot of whisky,I will drink whats in the pot. The bartender laughs,and says no way anyone will drink that. The skinny guy puts the spitoon to his lips,and says last chance. To the bartenders amazement the guy starts drinking the spit. Hey man put it down have a drink. He can't watch. He looks up and the guy is still drinking. Come on he shouts here three drinks on the house. The guy makes a gurgle sound,and waves the bartenter away,and keeps drinking. After five minutes he pull his face away from the spitoon,and a long piece of snot hangs between his lips,and the edge of the spitoon. He wipes the snot away with his sleeve. Holy Christ says the bartender,why didn't you stop the first time I told you a drink was waiting. I couldn't says the skinny guy, it was a stringer.

SpiderMan
02-23-2006, 02:27 PM
Disqualified! You already said your "sick" joke was not the tired old "spittoon stringer".

Drop's Promise (http://www.billiardsdigest.com/ccboard/showthreaded.php?Cat=&amp;Board=npr&amp;Number=219299&amp;page =0&amp;view=collapsed&amp;sb=5&amp;o=&amp;vc=1)

Try again, please.

SpiderMan

Drop1
02-23-2006, 05:28 PM
Ok. How come you can spell spittoon?