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nAz
02-27-2006, 07:10 PM
a few religious jokes for you...

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Four nuns are standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.

"Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.

"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.

He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.

"Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.

Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun.

"Why did you push ahead in line?" asked Peter.

"Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!" replied the nun.

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What's the difference between real Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

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Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

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What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes? Nothing! You told her twice already!

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Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity!

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A Arab girl says to her mommy, "After Abdul blows up, can I have his room?

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5761 Year according to Jewish calendar
4698 Year according to Chinese calendar
1063 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food

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THE JEWISH SAMURAI



Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.


"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.


The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!


"What a feat!? said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."


The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.


"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"


Number Three Samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!


In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."


"Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!"


I got a million of them! /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Drop1
02-27-2006, 08:11 PM
Hey thanks,I can read a million of them. Loved the one nail.ha ha ah ho.