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wolfdancer
03-07-2006, 12:46 PM
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. I can hardly hear you.........are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure......go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price get it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand. It's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?!"

dg-in-centralpa
03-07-2006, 02:01 PM
Here's the answer when the husband finds out.

> A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per
hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her
and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. "I know we've been married
for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps
looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The
husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, "he
says, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a
far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the
steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes
his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60. "I want the
car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank
accounts, all the credit cards and the boat." The car slowl
>
> y starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee
bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at
last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I
need." she says. "Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?" Just
before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and says
"The airbag." Never underestimate how a woman thinks.

DG

wolfdancer
03-07-2006, 04:01 PM
lol /ccboard/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

nAz
03-07-2006, 11:00 PM
Damn those were both good... i need to remember those!

dg-in-centralpa
03-08-2006, 05:36 AM
Here's another one for you...

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was always

getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good.
He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors,
and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other
brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.

One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good
brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with
a happy afterlife.

One day, he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother?
He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."
God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is
not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the good brother replied.
"But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."
"You can see him if you wish," God said.
"I will give you the power to gaze into hell."

So, the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell
Before long, he saw his brother sitting on a bench.
In one arm, he held a keg of beer, and in the other,
he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm
seeing. I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm
and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be that good."

God explained, "Things are not always as they seem.
The keg has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't".

DG