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View Full Version : Chopstick, are you really ready..



wolfdancer
05-02-2006, 02:22 PM
to become a day trader?
Take this short quiz, to be sure:

When I want advestment advice, I get it from
a) Baron's
b) the Wall Street Journal
c) complete strangers i run into at the video store

When I wake up in the morning, I
a) shower
b) get dressed
c) lift my head off the keyboard and start shorting drug stocks

In order to trade stocks intelligently, one must have a
a) BA
b) MBA
c) mouse

I go to the doctor
a) once a year
b) once every two years
c) when I put my fist through the screen

Cisco is a company that manufactures
a) shortening
b) cowboys
c) I don't know but I just bought two hundred shares

When I am in a bar and meet a beautiful women who seems attracted to me, the first thing I look at is
a) her face
b) her body
c) CNBC

"Beating the spread" refers to
a) the way whipped cream cheese is made
b) the way Honduran peasant women clean their bed coverings
c) I don't know

"P/E ratio" means
a) something to do with, like, stocks and junk
b) the number of times per hour that a day trader has to use the bathroom
c) like I care?

A tick is
a) a nervous syndrome common to day traders
b) something that lives in a day traders hair
c) these questions are really starting to make me mad, dude

From
"The Trillionaire Next Door" by Andy Borowitz...who has parlayed his skills as a day trader and his willingness to remain in a bathrobe to becoming America's first trillionaire.
Widely considered the richest man in America, he has never been included in Forbes 400 list because his net worth has too many zeroes to fit on one page.
Andy's reason for not wanting to be Bill Gates:
Can bill stay in his bathrobe for three days in a row, not shaving or showering. Can he turn off the computer when there's a really awesome "Buffy" rerun on? Plus Bill's stuck in a dead end job.......
Complete idiots are getting rich off the internet....why not you? Buy the book!!
Do you think the glass is half full, or do you just go ahead and buy the glass....and have the guts to sell it 5 min later?
Remember day trading is like a swimming pool with no water in it....you just have to dive right in
Here's the first secret to successful day trading
buy stock
visit sex site
sell stock
Lesson #2....the four most important words for day traders are
"mouse" "point" "click" "pizza"
And you will have to buy the book to find out about the legendary Carrie Slocum, who at age 37 is still day trading....a full ten years past the age when most traders burn out and move into telemarketing or phone sex.
You'll learn about typical day traders conversations
"I wonder what the Fed's going to do"
"You mean FedEx?"
"No, the Federal Reserve"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Smokey Joe, another day trading legend, opened one of the first daytrading shops....it's now a tanning salon...Smokey Joe got his name ....he used to smoke, and before the SEC
investigation was named Joe
Finally (you really need the book to discover all the secrets to top level day trading)... there is "asset allocation"
A good pie chart model would be equal parts:
day trading
lotto
hitting the beach with a metal detector
Well, let the board know when you hit your first million.

Chopstick
05-04-2006, 08:01 AM
LOL. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Thanks Wolf. I answered C to almost all of them. I just started working on the million dollar scheme. I will throw a party for all you guys if it works. /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif