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wolfdancer
05-09-2006, 09:54 PM
The Day of Judgement has arrived. Major disasters everywhere:
flood, fire, disease. St. Peter has been at the Gates of Heaven
for three straight days, asking the millions of victims some very
basic questions. Jesus comes along and sees that Peter is much too
tired to continue.
"Pete, take a break and I'll do this for a while".


So Jesus takes over and asks each potential resident their name,
occupation, and number of children, where applicable.

After a time, an old, feeble man appears before him.
"Your name sir?" asks Jesus
"I don't know" replies the man.
"Occupation?"
Again the old man replies that he doesn't recall.
"Number of children?"
"No clue" says the man.
Somewhat exasperated, Jesus starts anew. "Your name really isn't that
important. However, your occupation is. Please concentrate sir; what
did you do for a living, how did you gain your livlihood?"
The old man, lost in thought, slowly starts to piece it together.
"Well" he says "I can recall working with my hands a lot. In fact,
looking at the splinters in my palms, I'd have to say that I was a
carpenter"
"Excellent and honorable occupation sir. Well done! Now for the next
step: How many, if any, children did you have?"
Once again the old man furrows his brow and tries desperately to
remember. After a long while he says "I'm almost sure I had one child
and since I can't remember any dresses or dolls, I'm sure the child
was a boy. And one more thing, this boy of mine was ostracized because
he had holes in his hands, his feet, and his sides".
Finally piecing the story together, Jesus jumps to his feet, the
ultimate realization of who he has encountered striking him like a bolt
of lightning. With tears in his eyes, he yells "Father!!"
The old man, equally moved, rises and screams "Pinocchio!!"

SPetty
05-10-2006, 05:49 PM
BWAAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHA! Funny what tickles who, isn't it?

dg-in-centralpa
05-11-2006, 04:47 AM
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. > >> "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst > >> age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at
6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up till 7:00."

dg