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Deeman3
09-25-2006, 10:40 AM
For those of you that do not have the pleasure of living in the cornerstone of western civilization, southern Alabama, the love bugs have returned. I have endured killer snakes in Thailand (over 100 in my swimming pool at once), Fish flies in Michigan and even a school of hundreds of upset stingrays. However, love bugs despite the fond memories of Herbie, are the worst plague I have seen, maybe Biblical in scope. These bugs hook themselves together in a simple reverse missionary position, then fly with wreckless abandom into windshields across the south, mashing the contents of their fat little indelecto bodies leaving a stain that makes superglue inventors envious. I just spent four hours cleaning the remains from my bike yesterday but had taken a direct hit in the forehead at 87 MPH by a trio that was obviouly performing a menais et trois. I have a deeply imbedded bruise that may read 666 on my forehead to prove it.

Each person in the state of Alabama will hit approximately 3,000 of these an hour in a normal drive over the next three weeks. This is clearly not enough, we need more tourists during this period or more Alabamaians to drive many more miles to accomplish full eradication so I can ride my scoot in peace again. I know 'Bama fans have nothing else to do seeing their team lose to Arkansas on Saturday! Arkansas, a team that plays mostly high schools on their schedule!

Anyway, any help will be appreciated. I did my part in visiting Northwest Arkansas last weekend by taking a breeding pair, like there's something else, with me so my fellow Razorbacks can share in this once a year pleasure.

If you have something worse than this plague, let me know about it. I need something to make think it was good idea to move here.

DeeMan
Danm, there'a a pair in my shorts.......

wolfdancer
09-25-2006, 10:49 AM
Perhaps this is your just rewards, for worshipping a false prophet...at least for voting one into office. I can only hope that the impact left an indelible mark on your forehead...a constant reminder that when you sell your vote for a rebate chack....you get what you paid for.

wolfdancer
09-25-2006, 10:56 AM
Maybe you can find solace from your lovebug troubles, in these quotable readings from the mistress of love, and prophetess of the righteous.....Ann Coulter
It's a stretch...from lovebugs to Ann....but aside from Bush et al, and O'Reilly....nobody bugs me more then Ann.
The Wisdom of Ann Coulter

After the September 11 attack masterminded by a terrorist hoping to spark a religious war, virtually every official and pundit knew better than to take the bait. Except for conservative commentator Ann Coulter, who wrote in a syndicated column on September 12 that in responding to terrorists "we should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

The column outraged the public, but conservatives, including National Review editor Richard Lowry, ascribed Coulter's column to grief over the loss of a friend in the attacks. But the following week, Coulter was at it again: "Congress could pass a law tomorrow requiring that all aliens from Arabic countries leave....We should require passports to fly domestically. Passports can be forged, but they can also be checked with the home country in case of any suspicious-looking swarthy males." This time Lowry spiked her column. Coulter responded by calling Lowry and his staff censorious "girly boys." Lowry then dropped her as a contributing editor. Other conservative leaders also condemned her comments.

What's curious is that Coulter's comments aren't all that different, in tone and style, from hundreds of others she's made over the years. But in the past, her ire was directed at her domestic political enemies---for which she drew fulsome praise from conservatives. Last year, the Media Research Center presented Coulter with its "Conservative Journalist of the Year" award. The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute bestowed upon her its annual conservative leadership award "for her unfailing dedication to truth, freedom and conservative values and for being an exemplar, in word and deed, of what a true leader is."

Coulter is spinning her downfall as a new kind of terrorist-war McCarthyism. "People are hysterical about speech right now," she told The Washington Post's Howard Kurtz. "Everyone's comments are being taken out of context and wildly misinterpreted." At the risk of further de-contextualization, here are some of Coulter's past comments:

"[Clinton] masturbates in the sinks."---Rivera Live 8/2/99

"God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"---Hannity & Colmes, 6/20/01

The "backbone of the Democratic Party" is a "typical fat, implacable welfare recipient"---syndicated column 10/29/99

To a disabled Vietnam vet: "People like you caused us to lose that war."---MSNBC

"Women like Pamela Harriman and Patricia Duff are basically Anna Nicole Smith from the waist down. Let's just call it for what it is. They're whores."---Salon.com 11/16/00

Juan Gonzales is "Cuba's answer to Joey Buttafuoco," a "miscreant," "sperm-donor," and a "poor man's Hugh Hefner."---Rivera Live 5/1/00

On Princess Diana's death: "Her children knew she's sleeping with all these men. That just seems to me, it's the definition of 'not a good mother.' ... Is everyone just saying here that it's okay to ostentatiously have premarital sex in front of your children?"..."[Diana is] an ordinary and pathetic and confessional - I've never had bulimia! I've never had an affair! I've never had a divorce! So I don't think she's better than I am."---MSNBC 9/12/97

"I think there should be a literacy test and a poll tax for people to vote."---Hannity & Colmes, 8/17/99

"I think [women] should be armed but should not [be allowed to] vote."---Politically Incorrect, 2/26/01

"If you don't hate Clinton and the people who labored to keep him in office, you don't love your country."---George, 7/99

"We're now at the point that it's beyond whether or not this guy is a horny hick. I really think it's a question of his mental stability. He really could be a lunatic. I think it is a rational question for Americans to ask whether their president is insane."---Equal Time

"It's enough [to be impeached] for the president to be a pervert."---The Case Against Bill Clinton, Coulter's 1998 book.

"Clinton is in love with the erect penis."---This Evening with Judith Regan, Fox News Channel 2/6/00

"I think we had enough laws about the turn-of-the-century. We don't need any more." Asked how far back would she go to repeal laws, she replied, "Well, before the New Deal...[The Emancipation Proclamation] would be a good start."---Politically Incorrect 5/7/97

"If they have the one innocent person who has ever to be put to death this century out of over 7,000, you probably will get a good movie deal out of it."---MSNBC 7/27/97

"If those kids had been carrying guns they would have gunned down this one [child] gunman. ... Don't pray. Learn to use guns."---Politically Incorrect, 12/18/97

"The presumption of innocence only means you don't go right to jail."---Hannity & Colmes 8/24/01

"I have to say I'm all for public flogging. One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents, a lot of whom consider it a badge of honor to be sent to juvenile detention. And it might not be such a cool thing in the 'hood to be flogged publicly."---MSNBC 3/22/97

"Originally, I was the only female with long blonde hair. Now, they all have long blonde hair."---CapitolHillBlue.com 6/6/00

"I am emboldened by my looks to say things Republican men wouldn't."---TV Guide 8/97

"Let's say I go out every night, I meet a guy and have sex with him. Good for me. I'm not married."---Rivera Live 6/7/00

"Anorexics never have boyfriends. ... That's one way to know you don't have anorexia, if you have a boyfriend."---Politically Incorrect 7/21/97

"I think [Whitewater]'s going to prevent the First Lady from running for Senate."---Rivera Live 3/12/99

"My track record is pretty good on predictions."---Rivera Live 12/8/98

"The thing I like about Bush is I think he hates liberals."---Washington Post 8/1/00

On Rep. Christopher Shays (d-CT) in deciding whether to run against him as a Libertarian candidate: "I really want to hurt him. I want him to feel pain."---Hartford Courant 6/25/99

"The swing voters---I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster. "---Beyond the News, Fox News Channel, 6/4/00

"My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that's because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism."---MSNBC 2/8/97

"You want to be careful not to become just a blowhard."---Washington Post 10/16/98

Deeman3
09-25-2006, 11:15 AM
Yep, I think it's a stretch.....Love Bugs to Coulter? Certainly there has to be a better link from a subject 3 months old, "Ann Coulter says bad things about great people." I would have at least expected a link from lower gas prices to GWB and the fall elections or references to the poor people of Florida who forgot how to vote or the sadness of those big mean republicans stealing yet another election out fomr under the flared nostrils of the slow witted democrats...or of unionized teachers paying for school supplies out of their own "beer for sex with student's" funds......

DeeMan

pooltchr
09-25-2006, 11:27 AM
Dee,
Wolf has obviously taken the typical liberal road and used your delema as an excuse to repeat the democratic talking points, while either totally ignoring your problem, or deciding that it isn't worthy of addressing.

I, on the other hand, feel your pain! Having lived in south Florida for a few years, I am all too painfully aware of this particular problem. There is a time every year when riding a motorcycle was like taking your life into your own hands (even more than normal, considering South Florida drivers!)because of these oversexed insects.
I am petitioning GW to award a no-bid contract to Haliburton to begin production of a device designed to protect innocent victims of this incideous hazard. It is my belief that these bugs only reside in southern states, and they are the result of a democratic plot to create havoc in the south, thereby reducing the number of intelligent voters normally located in this part of the country. In fact, I suspect these bugs are registered democrats, since we all know that republican bugs would only participate in this activity in the missionary position at home in the bedroom with the lights out!
Anyway, the device is quite simple in design and has been proven to be 98% effective in ridding the country of this plague. The device will be marketed under the name "Love Bug Eradicator". It is a simple baseball cap with a close-up picture of Hillery Clinton. Early tests show that the enamoured male bugs, when coming in view of this sight, immediately lose all interest in procreating with the female, immediately uncouple from them. The sudden disengagement causes both participants to immediately fall to the ground. The male is stricken blind, and can no longer find female bugs to make contact. The females, realising immediately that they have more sex appeal that what they see in the picture, depart for Washington to begin a career in politics!

There is also an attachment available to the device that consists of a small fan blade, so if you are riding when you encounter these pesky lovers, when they get close enough, the spinning blade sends them flying off in a different direction. This is most helpful, should you encounter a pair who are coupling with their eyes closed.

Here's hoping these steps will help eliminate this liberal attempt to increase their numbers through this disgusting display of perverted sexual antics.

Oh yeah, if you happen to see one wearing a tiny blue dress with a small stain on it, KILL 'EM BOTH!!!!!!!
/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Steve

Fran Crimi
09-25-2006, 11:41 AM
Hey Dee...

Ewww, that sounds gross. Reminds me of a tournament I went to in Peoria. It was Mayfly season and those things were all over the place. They look like mini dragonflies and they cover everything outdoors. They're harmless, but you can't look out the window because it's completely covered, and when you step outside, you crunch crunch crunch on those buggers all over the floor. They only live for one day so they were dropping off the ceiling of the overhang outside the hotel. Every time we stepped outside, a bunch of 'em would fall in our hair. There was nowhere to go to escape them. It was totally gross.

Fran

Deeman3
09-25-2006, 11:43 AM
Steve,

I'll order twenty of the devices sight unseen. Oh! Yes, i liked the Halliburton link... /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

DeeMan

Deeman3
09-25-2006, 12:08 PM
Fran,

Yes, these little breeding monsters have a lot of mayfly in them but with 15 times the lifespan! Like bad rolls and frustrated female gym teachers, they just keep coming back.

Barbara
09-25-2006, 01:34 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Fran Crimi:</font><hr> Hey Dee...

Ewww, that sounds gross. Reminds me of a tournament I went to in Peoria. It was Mayfly season and those things were all over the place. They look like mini dragonflies and they cover everything outdoors. They're harmless, but you can't look out the window because it's completely covered, and when you step outside, you crunch crunch crunch on those buggers all over the floor. They only live for one day so they were dropping off the ceiling of the overhang outside the hotel. Every time we stepped outside, a bunch of 'em would fall in our hair. There was nowhere to go to escape them. It was totally gross.

Fran

<hr /></blockquote>

Wow, that and all that corn....

Barbara

Fran Crimi
09-25-2006, 01:53 PM
Frustrated female gym teachers???

Never heard that one before. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif Well, anyway, if you want to compare notes, I think the mayfly season was 2 weeks, so in unswept spots, you could find yourself ankle-high in dead ones.

I remember once as a kid on vacation in the Catskills, we were hit with a swarm of gnats one night. We couldn't step outside the whole night and the next morning the pool was black.

Fran

cushioncrawler
09-25-2006, 03:17 PM
Fishing a mile off-shore in Port Phillip in a tinnie with me brother -- a beatifull quiet dozzy day -- no one else in sight -- no safer place to be.

In less than 2 seconds a swarm of small (mating) ants covers the whole boat &amp; us -- biting like mad (no thanks at all). We upped-anchor in record time and sped off to shake them off. If it were only a row-boat, we would have had to jump into the water for sure.

wolfdancer
09-25-2006, 03:42 PM
you read my mind.....that was to be my next post

wolfdancer
09-25-2006, 03:50 PM
Steve, how dare you turn this post re a man's battle against a modern "locust swarm" into something political?
I felt his pain,.... sex-crazed, copulating insects flying into his mouth, while cycling along at 70mph.
I was merely trying to tell him that some things leave an even worse taste in your mouth

dg-in-centralpa
09-25-2006, 05:42 PM
Deeman,
It could be worse, remember the cicadas? They were in full swing this year. City Island in Harrisburg is notorious for mayflies all summer during the baseball games as well as concerts. I saw Kiss during one of the worst nights for the mayflies and they were swatting them all night and remarked about them. Cicadas, hanging on outdoor umbrellas and falling on the table at a mini golf course, while you're having a snack. Almost fell in my ice cream. Although, the bugs do hurt when they hit at that speed.

DG - getting ready for the Open

Qtec
09-25-2006, 06:55 PM
Can you imagine the TV station sending this guy to investigate. weatherman (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZIIryCMUDI&amp;search=Cockroach%20Weatherman% 20Scared%20Weather)

/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Q ..I just hope that he was already 'out the closet'. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Alfie
09-25-2006, 11:30 PM
http://www.goodworks-pac.org/files/Katrina/judy/IMG_5485.jpg
http://creatures.ifas.ufl.edu/misc/lovebug_photo5.jpg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lovebug

DickLeonard
09-26-2006, 05:05 AM
Wolfdancer I knew you were trying to keep this nonpolitical but now you opened the door for Bill and Monica to slip in.LOL
I had to beat them to the punch####

Deeman3
09-26-2006, 05:17 AM
Alfie,

Gee, good info.

DeeMan

Chopstick
09-26-2006, 08:18 AM
What's the matter Deeman? Are reluctant to fulfill you role in nature as the Love Bugs only known predator? /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

I have seen siders kick those things out of their web.

wolfdancer
09-26-2006, 09:15 AM
"I need something to make think it was good idea to move here."
I think it was a great idea for you to move there.
Maybe not at first, but from reading into the gradual degradation, the loss of cohesiveness of thought, etc, of your posts....you have adjusted nicely to the intellectual stimuli of the area. And not being a blood relation to your wife, automatically places you in the elite society there. Throw in the fact that in a more refined state your job would demand you at least drive the top of the line into work, wearing both a suit and tie (no gravy stains) but there you are allowed to cycle in dressed like a Hell's Angel reject.

Deeman3
09-26-2006, 09:20 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr> "I need something to make think it was good idea to move here."
I think it was a great idea for you to move there.
Maybe not at first, but from reading into the gradual degradation, the loss of cohesiveness of thought, etc, of your posts....you have adjusted nicely to the intellectual stimuli of the area. And not being a blood relation to your wife, automatically places you in the elite society there. Throw in the fact that in a more refined state your job would demand you at least drive the top of the line into work, wearing both a suit and tie (no gravy stains) but there you are allowed to cycle in dressed like a Hell's Angel reject.
<hr /></blockquote>

<font color="blue"> Wolfdancer,

I do not look like a Hell's Angel when I get off my bike, if you excuse the helmet head hair. However, I may be the only guy in Alabama with two reserved parking places, one for the car the other for the bike.....I am also very proud that I'm not blood related to my spouse. And yes, it does make us stand out at partys...</font color>

DeeMan

sack316
09-26-2006, 11:32 AM
Deeman... well at least you know you have one person who feels your pain! It's the one time of year I actually don't wish I had a motorcycle!

Oh, and me and my significant other are not blood related thank you very much... the relation is through marriage /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

Sack

Deeman3
09-26-2006, 02:00 PM
Sack,
Nice to hear from you. By the way, I sent another, "I'm the number one player in Montgomery" packing the other night. LOL, Montogomery gonna get a bad reputation if you let these guys come south....

DeeMan

Deeman3
09-27-2006, 05:53 AM
O.K. The Truth.

I called a friend in DC about the love bugs. My friend said, "You can fight them in Alabama or fight them here. These love bugs only want the destruction of your windshield and custom paint job. About 15% of these radical bugs are actually dangerous, will actually fly into your windshield in a futile attempt to ruin your day." Another friend, Nancy P. says, "These peaceful insects are not bothering anyone so why should you protect your elitist paint? If you mess with them, you'll only stir up insurgent mayfly and disgruntled fishflys, they will come south and you'll have the slippery roads and rotting carsuses to deal with. I say, you not drive during this period." John M. told me I was risking havock in torturing these poor little insects with each drive I make and that we risk having "good insects" such as spiders treated that way should they be in or near California. Hillary C. had no opinion and wanted to wait until the polls concluded which tactics were popular nearer election time, whatever that means. Bill C. claimed he had clearly tried to eradicate the bugs a few years ago but lost interest as he was sidetracked by other issues. Hillary just smiled for the cameras.

All in all, these are just bugs after all. They return every year for a few weeks and, certainly we can figure out how to get rid of them by next year. But we are always going to have bugs. Thank goodness or we might not need politicians. Wow, what a concept?

DeeMan

Halliburton is inthe area trying to sell "Off" at $250 a gallon and when you tell them sprays are not the answer, they roll their eyes and insinuate you are not handling this in an American way.

Bob K. and Al G. are still complaining that they had the solution the last time I asked the question but damned if they can remember what it was, but Al pointed out the bugs are probably more populus in hot weather. Bob was going to check with his wife.

Bill F. says he is a doctor but he blew his last call big time and refuses to render an opinion. Ted K. offered to toaste everyone while a guy named Obama claimed the bugs came from his country and he would figure out how to handle them.

wolfdancer
09-27-2006, 06:03 AM
do they have random drug tests where you work?

llotter
09-27-2006, 06:18 AM
Ann Coulter is the greatest and my absolute favorite columnist/commentator. That she 'bugs' you is a good thing but me thinks you really like her but just want to make points here with your fellow travelers.

pooltchr
09-27-2006, 06:37 AM
Dee,
Maybe we need to try and understand these bugs. I'm sure if we can just learn what we have done to upset them, we can work out an arrangement where we can coexist. If we attack them and try to get rid of them, that will just encourage more of them to join forces against us.
Steve

Deeman3
09-27-2006, 07:11 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr> do they have random drug tests where you work? <hr /></blockquote>

<font color="blue"> Select an answer: Your Choice

A) There's nothing random about the drugs I take.

B) Are snorted Love Bugs considered a class A narcotic?

C) Only the worker bugs get tested.

D) Why should the liberals have all the good drugs?

DeeMan </font color> /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Chopstick
09-27-2006, 08:24 AM
Now this is fun! /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

I wish I had the eloquence of you guys so I could play too.

wolfdancer
09-27-2006, 12:28 PM
Larry, I would have bet the farm that she was your fav.....but you rank a close second in bugging people,in just a limited number of posts, eclipsing the standards set by Ed8r...it's just that you don't have her national exposure that prevents you from being numero uno

pooltchr
09-27-2006, 01:12 PM
Come on, Wolf. Play nice. We have actually been having some fun on this thread.
Steve

Qtec
09-27-2006, 06:47 PM
[ QUOTE ]
I called a friend in DC about the love bugs. My friend said, "You can fight them in Alabama or fight them here. <hr /></blockquote>

/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif LMAO

Q...... /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif..........chill out guys. /ccboard/images/graemlins/confused.gif