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FatsRedux
11-30-2006, 02:43 PM
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn.So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably a good investment.

If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was going to blame you.

There are two theories to arguing with women; neither one works.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Never go grocery shopping when you are hungry.

Zits are like little brothers and sisters, they never seem to go away.

Always remember to go pee before you watch a scary movie.

Fats