View Full Version : For all you non-southerners

12-13-2006, 06:17 PM
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, .. as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, .. and when we're "in line," ... we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The beach
The beach
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint
Southern women know everybody's first name:
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Charleston (Chawl'stn)
Savannah (S'vanah)
Fort Worth (Foat Wuth)
New Orleans (N'awlins)
Atlanta (Addlanna)
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South or wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could.....!!!

/ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif Steve

12-14-2006, 03:16 AM
Not that there was any doubt, but I think the fact that the whole post made sense to me, and that most everything not only seemed "right" but also made me think "you mean people don't say/do that everywhere?" confirms that I am a Southerner.

I'd also like to add that only we southerners understand why a football stadium (be it college or high school) must have a higher capacity than the town itself that it resides.

We will not only say "hello" to any passerby, but will also engage in complete, detailed, and personal conversations with complete strangers.

We have the most wonderful contractions that never really existed, but all make perfect sense to us.

The appeal of "Blue Collar comedy" has two totally different meanings between northerners and southerners. To the northern folks it's funny because it sounds funny, comical, and has rediculously absurd stories. In the south it's more of a "it's funny because it's true" observational humor--- akin to Jerry Seinfeld performing in New York.

Ah, I love the south!


12-14-2006, 05:06 AM
Tips for Northerners Moving South

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

Do not buy food at the movie store.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

People walk slower here.

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'," as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy".. Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

******Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also hear expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy," "Good Laud," and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy."

You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

Carol~loves the South! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

12-14-2006, 05:08 AM
The appeal of "Blue Collar comedy" has two totally different meanings between northerners and southerners. To the northern folks it's funny because it sounds funny, comical, and has rediculously absurd stories. In the south it's more of a "it's funny because it's true" observational humor--- akin to Jerry Seinfeld performing in New York.
<hr /></blockquote>

Ha ha ha ha-"its funny because IT'S TRUE" ha ha ha ha

Carol /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

12-14-2006, 06:39 AM

I am empowered, by birth, to proclaim you as an official Southern Woman. You would not miss a lick, as we say, if you came south. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif


12-14-2006, 07:39 AM
Being a yankee transplant to the south, (5 years now, thanks US Army), alot of this just is too true. ESPECIALLY the bits about driving in snow. This is what I've noticed...

If there is a light flurry, no accumulation, two things happen at the same time:

1 - 50% of the trueborn southern drivers (usually the older, more experienced drivers) will slow down to 10 miles an hour in order to avoid getting into an accident.

2 - The remaining 50% of the trueborn southern drivers (in general the younger more hyeractive, carefree types) will speed up to double the speed limit to get home faster to avoid getting in an accident.

This leaves the remaining few of us who know that a flurry with no accumulation poses no real change in the driving conditions to grow eyes in the back of our heads to watch out for someone coming up fast on our rear while avoiding the slow moving roadblocks in front of us.

- The left hand lane is NOT the fast lane...that would be the right hand lane.

- When driving in Texas, if you are going down a road and come up on someone driving slower in front of you and they pull off to the side of the road, they aren't scared of you, they're just letting you pass. It's what they do...

- Easiest way to confuse a southerner is to say Ya'll and walk (as if you were from NYC) in the same sentence...
i.e. "Ya'll fixin' to waulk down to tha stoah?"

- Northern out of state tags on a car = target.

- If you can help it, don't EVER drive through a town with only one stop light when you have out of state tags on your car. If you do, ensure you are driving below the speed limit, stop for at least 3 seconds at that stop light, and have all lights on your vehicle working. There is guaranteed to be one of the three town squad cars sitting and watching that intersection waiting for you.

- Don't EVER try to point out that the Big-10 has a more storied college football history than the SEC. Them is fightin' words.

- A confederate flag placed in the rear window of a pickup truck is classy.

- If you go swimming in the local water hole or river and the water is clear, something is wrong.

- The orange clay/mud down here stains clothes and shoes.

- You better have sweet tea ready if you are going to have friends over who are from the south. If you aren't sure if it's sweet enough, it's not.

- If you are hankerin for breakfast food, there are multiple choices...Waffle House, Waffle House, Huddle House, Waffle House, Waffle House, IHOP, Waffle House, Denny's and Waffle House...

- The difference between a city and a town is marked by how many Waffle Houses they have.

- If you don't put tobasco sauce on 80% of your foods, you are immediately labeled a yankee.

- Remember that Northerner and yankee refers to anyone that is not from the following states: Virginia, North and South Carolina, West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas; not just to people from the northeast.

- New England is a state, not a region.

- Leather seats are a BAD idea in the summer. Keep a towel in the car for seat covers.

- Don't EVER get a backwoods boy excited. It will make communication impossible.

- Each southern state has their own version of the southern accent, and they can tell where the others came from by that difference.

Here's a story that is entirely pertinant to this...

I was down at a friends river house around Swainsboro, GA and we were just havin a relaxin weekend off of work, doin the BBQ thing. We had bought food at the store to include french fries. Eric was going to take care of the chicken and burgers while I did the side dishes. Being from CT, the way we prepared the frozen FF was to place them on a baking sheet and BAKE them in the oven. So I proceeded to pull one out, and got it ready to bake by getting them spread evenly out on the sheet. Eric came in, saw what I was doing, and proceeded to pitch a coniption fit; he claimed that I was ruining the french fries by not frying them in the deep fryer.


12-14-2006, 07:40 AM
Deeman!:)I'd be honored /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gifas long as I keep my mouth shut and get the fushia outta my hair! /ccboard/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

I like that, "empowered by birth" ROFL /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

A good friend of mine wrote me from Tennessee and said"you have solidified your place as my ABSOLUTE favorite
yankee. Hell, I might have to make you an honorary confederate"

Ha ha Ha

Y'all take care /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

12-14-2006, 07:53 AM
God Bless you,Dags-go Army!
I am cracking up reading this-this is so funny,cause like you said, its true,ha ha ha!

Another good friend flew in from Houston last week, so I bring her up to Rockerfeller to see the tree-I absolutely adore the way she "tawks" /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif-she's petting the horses parked around the center,ha ha ha, it was a pissa, and one thing she does is say, "I'll tell you what....." and then walks away,ROFL-like, whats up with that? ha ha ha!
Enjoy the South and stay well,Dags!

Carol /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Oh,Dags, didnt the FF taste better deep-frying? I ,too, woulda put them on a baking dish and in the oven-I've noticed the South takes great pride and time in their cooking-can't beat'em-the Southern food tastes good! /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

12-14-2006, 08:15 AM
This was great, thanks. Although my family now lives in California our 'roots' are in the Ozarks of Missouri. My grandfather's accent and figures of speech were an unforgettable part of my growing up.

I've never forgotten the day when I was about 13 and he and I were mending a fence. He turned to me and said, "Git de plars and cut de bob whaar. I certainly knew what 'bob whaar' was at that point in time but 'plars'?? (pliars)

In his part of the South it was 'you-ins' and 'we-ins' and when you were sick you were 'feeling poorly' .

On a visit to Mo. ('back home' as my folks always called it) I soon realized that as a Californian I was talking way too fast for most people to hear. They'd just look at me with a smile on their face and nod as if they'd understood but it was soon apparent that they hadn't. I had to force myself to slow it down several notches in order to fit in.

12-14-2006, 08:34 AM
Being a several generation West Virginian, the only
one I wasn't familiar with was sweet milk. But then
again, I wouldn't drink buttermilk if you put a gun
to my head.Other than that I prtneer heerd em all.Also, we can't get decent grits in West Virginia.

12-14-2006, 09:02 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote CarolNYC:</font><hr> -I've noticed the South takes great pride and time in their cooking-can't beat'em-the Southern food tastes good! /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif <hr /></blockquote>

There is no food that can't be improved upon with a deep fat frier! Shucks, we even started putting Twinkies in the frier...it's now a staple at every county fair in the south! And it's only in the south (I-77 in West Virginia to be exact) where you can find a restaurant called the "Road Kill Cafe'). Yep, we know how to cook down here! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif