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Gayle in MD
01-09-2007, 09:41 AM
Breaking News


Psychiatric Staff at St Elizabeth's continues to maintain a No Home Visits policy for former President George W. Bush, stating that his non stop chanting of his last policy slogan, "The only way we will lose the wars in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Lybia, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and Africa is if we lose our will" have still not subsided.

Laura Bush, Condi Rice, Harriet Meyers, and Bay Buchannon all maintain that Washington Post reports that the former President, GWB, had anything to do with the findings that Magic Mushroom extract had been added to their food for the eight years while he was in office, are unequivically false. Both the State Department, and the Pentagon, still deny there was any residue found in the Water Coolers during that time.

President Jeb Bush denies any involvment in the gassing deaths of over five hundred thousand Democrats at this years National Democratic Convention, saying the he and Karl Rove had taken a brief sabatical from the Committee to Re-elect The President meeting that day, and were together that evening on QVC promoting their new product, Utopia and Peace Snake Oil Pills. Supreme Court Justice, Roberts, continues to uphold his decision, four years ago, placing President Jeb Bush in office, before the election, in the interest of National Security. Justice Roberts still maintains that removing the Democratic President in advance of the installation of the new President, four years ago, for masturbating alone in the Oval Office, was a threat to National Security, which was so great, there was not time for traditional impeachment proceedings.

Jon Daly and Bill Mahr were convicted for Acts Of Treason, and sentenced to death, by firing squad for jokes about the last election.

Halliburton Oil, and Exon, deny any connection to New York and California sliding into the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans last week, saying the events had nothing to do with their controversial Non Warming Oil. According to their Spokesperson, Abbadabbahoobadooba, their Scientific Study, performed by Deibold, proves beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is no connection between the recent surge in Global Warming, and resulting loss of life and land, which they claim is not an effect of their Non Warming Oil Product. According to their In-House directors of Scientific Studies, Hockmodadidjudadoobe, and Karen Huges, speaking from the new White House Offices at the desert complex on the North Pole, Global Warming has been completely halted by the Halliburton Wind Mills on Mars.

Patrick Fitzgerald says the investigations into the six thousand tons of Gold stolen from the Cheney Pyramid, recently discovered in the mountains of Montana, have no connection to the missing Cheney Mummy.

Multibillionaire, bin Laden, has opened a new terrorist casino in the Swiss Alps, and claims that there is still skiing available on the three days a year when the snow machine accumulates enough solar energy from two hundred miles of solar panels, placed two hundred feet below, floating in the Alps River.

Rush Limbaugh and Jerry Falwell will return from their Wedding and honeymoon later this week. The Maid of Honor, Ken Mehlman, reports the food was great, and the Best Man, Anne Coulter, concurs.

Tom Delay continues to insist that God told him, as he flew his hellicopter over the Jail, to shoot former lobbyist Jack Abramoff when he was released from prison last week. Mr. Delay stated in an interview last week, the decision to shoot the former lobbyist was beyond his control, since his church, The Church Of Carribbean Republcian Hidden Tax Free Wealth, located on the Republican man made island near what was formerly known as the Bahamas, and is not subject to American Law, and had held meetings and determined that Abramoff could be saved, if he was eliminated.

President Jeb Bush stated to the press, this morning, that the way forward in the Middle East, is to Stay The Course until the mission is accomplished. When asked, what would determine the mission accomplished, he said that his new policy would be explained later in the week when the new Director of Defense, and Secretary of State, from Florida, Mickey and Minnie Mouse, were installed. Vice President Mary Cheney says there is no truth to accusations that she and the President each inherited over $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 ,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 two years ago when their fathers died in a silmultaneous shooting accident in St. Michaels Maryland.

American Slaves, formally know as the American Middle and Upper Middle class, have begun to organize a National Slave Party. They plan to promote their New National organization with smoke signals from their Government Camps.

This is your National White House Correspondent/Press Secretary, and Chief of Staff, speaking for Fox News, the fair and balanced news desk, from the No Spin Zone, and from yours truly, Tony Snow, and my co anchor, and Homeland Security Director, Bill O'Reilly, good night and good luck!


01-10-2007, 02:18 PM
Gayle please no humor this is serious times. I have got my chair with my coffee and snack,I am going to try to listen to GWB to see how many lies I can catch him in. I am betting over 50, the Bookies have an over and under pool. This should be better than watching Alabama playing Florida.####

Gayle in MD
01-11-2007, 09:02 AM
Hey Dick, just replay his statements from last fall, when he sent in extra troops to quell the violence in Iraq. The only difference is that this time the numbers of experts telling him not to do it have increased hugely, and there are many more Republicans included.

Actually, it is now thrusday, and I must say, the funniest joke was when he said that our goals for Iraq are...

Until Iraq can...

Polices it's territory

Upholds the rule of law

Respects international human rights

And answers to it's people....

We can't leave....I couldn't help thinking, those should be his own goals for our country, and his presidency, which does not follow any of those principles.