View Full Version : I'll "Go" First - Friday Joke Early

03-15-2007, 12:22 PM
It seems that a man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my 'member'. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, go, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your 'member' back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."


03-15-2007, 05:16 PM
The United Way, a charitable institution, realized that it had never
received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.
So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows
that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you
don't give a penny to charity.
Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through
the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, does your research also
show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has
huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and
confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children.
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in
dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three
children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities
requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I
had no idea."
And the lawyer says, "So...if I don't give money to them, what makes you
think I'd give any to you?"


03-16-2007, 11:03 AM
That is hilarious and gross all at the same time. /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif


03-16-2007, 10:47 PM
LMAO. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Is that Texas humour? /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Maybe you are human after all?!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Q /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

03-19-2007, 07:40 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Qtec:</font><hr> LMAO. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Is that Texas humour? /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Maybe you are human after all?!! /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Q /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif <hr /></blockquote>

Here, the waiters use log chains.

I guess THAT's Texas humor. I'm from Mississippi /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif