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wolfdancer
03-30-2007, 11:10 AM
And This is How it All Began ............. Long, Long Ago ...........

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers.

They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the
coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture.

Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our
early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just
stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer.

This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative Movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.

This was the beginning of the Liberal Movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.

The rest became known as girliemen.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water.

They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French
food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make
the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer.

They eat red meat and still provide for their women.

Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work
for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing.

They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the
production.

Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.

That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created
a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here end-eth today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth
of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

Gayle in MD
03-30-2007, 01:24 PM
I always think of conservatives as having been the kind of kids who would jump off the bottom of the seesaw, when you were on the top, and think it was funny.

/ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

SpiderMan
03-30-2007, 01:33 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Gayle in MD:</font><hr> I always think of conservatives as having been the kind of kids who would jump off the bottom of the seesaw, when you were on the top, and think it was funny.
/ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif <hr /></blockquote>

And liberals were the bullies who would steal lunch money for "redistribution" to their cronies /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

SpiderMan

Gayle in MD
03-30-2007, 01:48 PM
/ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

And, they also won all the dance contests! The conservatives, like sail boaters, usually don't have any rhythm... /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif not to mention, they always tried to copy off their liberal friends test papers. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

How's it going Marty?

Yuk, I wish I hadn't read your post today. I had planned on fixing oyster stew, but NOW...I sure don't feel like fixing dinner tonight, and ordering pizza is out of the question, for sure! /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif

SpiderMan
03-30-2007, 01:52 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Gayle in MD:</font><hr> /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

And, they also won all the dance contests! The conservatives, like sail boaters, usually don't have any rhythm... /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif not to mention, they always tried to copy off their liberal friends test papers. /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

How's it going Marty?

Yuk, I wish I hadn't read your post today. I had planned on fixing oyster stew, but NOW...I sure don't feel like fixing dinner tonight, and ordering pizza is out of the question, for sure! /ccboard/images/graemlins/crazy.gif /ccboard/images/graemlins/wink.gif <hr /></blockquote>

I guess you're right, I didn't learn to dance until I was about 30. But at least I didn't expect "the gummint" to pay for my lessons /ccboard/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Sorry about the oyster, but I've wanted to do that for years!

SpiderMan