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wolfdancer
05-02-2007, 02:44 PM
An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.

"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.

"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"
"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. "I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"

"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100.00 bills I didn't even know were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"?

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK."

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock.

"That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

SpiderMan
05-02-2007, 03:05 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr> "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"?

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK."

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock.

"That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
<hr /></blockquote>

Bet those choir boys would like to shoot the leprechaun /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan

ras314
05-02-2007, 07:46 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote SpiderMan:</font><hr> <blockquote><font class="small">Quote wolfdancer:</font><hr> "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"?

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK."

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock.

"That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
<hr /></blockquote>

Bet those choir boys would like to shoot the leprechaun /ccboard/images/graemlins/grin.gif

SpiderMan <hr /></blockquote>
Outch, low blow... /ccboard/images/graemlins/blush.gif

dg-in-centralpa
05-02-2007, 07:54 PM
POLITE WAY TO PEE

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to
teach good manners, asked her students the following
question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a
nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have
to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude
and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to
the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say
the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for
once and show us your good manners?"

I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend
of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner ."


The teacher fainted.

DG