PDA

View Full Version : let's have fun!



bluewolf
07-25-2002, 01:55 PM
I read all the posts and now I am bored. Think up something fun pleeeze

Bluewolf

bluewolf
07-25-2002, 03:07 PM
already been told i shouldnt ve sent that post. my sense of humor never fails to get me in trouble.

hope nobody was offended

Bluewolf

Cueless Joey
07-25-2002, 03:29 PM
The Woodpecker Story

An Ohio woodpecker and a Kentucky woodpecker were
arguing about which state had the toughest trees.
The Ohio woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Kentucky woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Ohio woodpecker was in awe.

The Kentucky woodpecker then challenged the Ohio
woodpecker to peck a tree in Kentucky that was
absolutely un-peckable. The Ohio woodpecker
expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
After flying to Kentucky, the Ohio woodpecker
successfully pecked the tree with no problem.
The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Kentucky woodpecker was able to peck the Ohio tree and the Ohio woodpecker was able to peck the Kentucky tree! when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

Rod
07-25-2002, 04:08 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, good one Joey

Cueless Joey
07-25-2002, 04:15 PM
Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the
woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her,
"If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that
whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay." For her first wish, she wanted to
be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will
flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the
most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, *POOF*,
she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said,
"That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine.
"So, *POOF*, she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then
inquired about her third wish and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."

Michelle
07-25-2002, 04:52 PM
OK, this one is a little dirty, but you gotta forgive me...it's probably the cleanest joke I know that is still funny!! /ccboard/images/icons/smile.gif











Nick the Dragon Slayer was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.
Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to have
Horatio the Physician arrange it and that he would gladly pay the 1,000 gold coins for the chance to satisfy his desires for the Queen.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching
powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's massive brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this
incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer had present
the antidote to cure the itch.
King Arthur quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio
the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put it into his mouth, and for the next four hours,worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent
breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found
Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer could have cared less,and knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King shooed him away with no payment made.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into King Arthur's loincloth. King Arthur quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills.

07-25-2002, 05:07 PM
Hey! That's not funny!

DragonSlayer

07-25-2002, 05:12 PM
Don't mean to rain on your parade guys, with the jokes, and the humour and the laughter, but... play pool. That's fun.

cheesemouse
07-25-2002, 05:20 PM
> > HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING THESE THINGS?
> >
> >
> > 1. The first couple to be shown in bed together
> > on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 2. Coca-Cola was originally green.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 3. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly
> > than the US Treasury.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 4. Men can read smaller print than women can;
> > women can hear better.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 5. The state with the highest percentage of people
> > who walk to work: Alaska
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 6. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness:
> > 28% ( now get this..)
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 7. The percentage of North America that is
> > wilderness: 38%
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 8. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to
> > the age of eleven: $6,400
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 9. The average number of people airborne over
> > the US any given hour: 61,000
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 10. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper
> > in their hair.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 11. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9
> > and lived in China in 1910.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 12. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 13. The first novel ever written on a typewriter:
> > Tom Sawyer.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 14. Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only
> > mobile National Monuments.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 15. Each king in a deck of playing cards
> > represents a great king from history:
> > Spades - King David,
> > Hearts - Charlemagne,
> > Clubs -Alexander, the Great
> > Diamonds - Julius Caesar
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 16. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 17. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
> > has both front legs in the air, the person died
> > in battle. If the horse has one front leg
> > in the air the person died as a result of wounds
> > received in battle. If the horse has all four legs
> > on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 18. Only two people signed the Declaration of
> > Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and
> > Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on
> > August 2, but the last signature wasn't added
> > until 5 years later.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 20. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence
> > in the English language.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 21. Hershey's Kisses are called that because
> > the machine that make them looks like it's
> > kissing the conveyor belt.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 22. Until the St. Louis Rams, no NFL team which
> > plays its home games in a domed stadium has
> > ever won a Super bowl.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 23. The only two days of the year in which there
> > are no professional sports games
> > (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and
> > the day after the Major League all-stars Game.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
> > A. Conception.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show?
> > A. No theme song
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
> > A. Their birthplace.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. Most boat owners name their boats.
> > What is the most popular boat name requested?
> > A. Obsession
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would
> > you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
> > A. One thousand
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers,
> > and laser printers all have in common?
> > A. All invented by women.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
> > A. Honey
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. There are more collect calls on this day than
> > any other day of the year?
> > A. Father's Day
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny)
> > is the most ironic?
> > A. He was allergic to carrots.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
> > A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames
> > by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress
> > tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence
> > the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that
> > for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would
> > supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
> > Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was
> > lunar based, this period was called the honey month or
> > what we know today as the honeymoon.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 3. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.
> > So in old England, when customers got unruly,
> > the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints
> > and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase
> > "mind your P's and Q's"
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 4. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle
> > baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups.
> > When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get
> > some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired
> > by this practice.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 5. In ancient England a person could not have sex unless
> > you had consent of the King (unless you were in the
> > Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby,
> > they got consent of the King, the King gave them
> > a placard that they hung on their door while they were
> > having sex. The placard had F.*.*.*.
> > (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it.
> > Now you know where that came from.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > 6. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled
> > Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word
> > GOLF entered into the English language.

Cueless Joey
07-25-2002, 05:20 PM
Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Good one.

07-25-2002, 05:56 PM
Here's one that I heard some time ago, but it came to mind after reading the others.

Harry's dad was getting on in years and showing signs that he wasn't going to be able to take care of himself much longer. When the old man slipped in the tub one evening and hurt his leg, Harry decided to check into some nursing homes.
When the old man was released from the hospital, Harry mentioned that he'd been looking and found some nice homes. The old man hit the roof. He said "Son, there is NO WAY I'm going to live in one of those places. I can do just fine on my own."
Well, Harry kept after him and the old man finally decided to go and "look". They arrived at the first home and hadn't even made it past the lobby when the old man saw some friends he hadn't see in ages. He was then shown the accomodations, gameroom, spa, etc. He fell in love with the place. A week later he moved in.
The next morning a pretty, young nurse came into his room to give him a sponge bath. The nusre asked him how long it had been since he'd had any sexual relations. "Well" he said, "my wife has been dead for 14 years and I haven't had any since then." The nurse felt sorry for him and decided to give him a little hand manipulation. She had no sooner finished and walked out the door when the old man was on the phone to Harry. "Son! This is the greatest place! I'm having a great time! I'm so happy you talked me into coming here!" Harry was pleased that his father was doing well and had no doubts about the decision he'd made.

The next day the old man was walking down the hall when he fell again. A male nurse responded to the cries for help. This guy was a flaming homo and dragged the old man into a janitorial closet and had his way with him. As soon as the old man makes it back to his room, he's on the phone to Harry. "SON! SON, you have to get me out of this place! It's a hell hole!". Harry says "Dad, what's wrong? Yesterday you were telling me how much you loved that place." The old man said "Well, I'll tell it to you this way son. I get a hard-on once, maybe twice a year, but I fall down all the damn time!

Karatemom
07-25-2002, 06:37 PM
Good one!!!

Heide ~ still giggling

Cueless Joey
07-25-2002, 06:39 PM
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow.""Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

07-25-2002, 07:30 PM
Being the psychologist you are, I'm sure you can appreciate what someone once told me. He said that boredom means you're just bored of yourself. I never said I was bored again after that. (Well at least I never admitted to it!)

Fran

Voodoo Daddy
07-25-2002, 07:35 PM
Fran...you dont have time to be bored...HAHAHAHAHA!! Now, if I could only figure out what to do with the 20 minutes of free time I get daily, I would never be bored either!!

bluewolf
07-25-2002, 07:40 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Fran Crimi:</font><hr> Being the psychologist you are, I'm sure you can appreciate what someone once told me. He said that boredom means you're just bored of yourself. I never said I was bored again after that. (Well at least I never admitted to it!)

Good Point! Being the online addict that I am, I had even read all my email. My books are at my house 4 hours away and all my dvds and dvd player.

Guess I could meditate but then when I do that, I see weird stuff &lt;G&gt;

oh oh what to do....LMAO

Bluewolf

cheesemouse
07-25-2002, 07:56 PM
I was rushing to the golf course with no tee time just hoping I could get on the course by being put with a group of three or less. The parking lot was full and it didn't look good. I rushed into the pro shop and ask the guy if there was any chance of getting out. He said he had nothing but foursomes the rest of the afternoon except for the single lady who was next on the first tee. Oh god, OK!!!
After talking with this nice lady and seeing her hit the ball I started to enjoy the round. She was also nice to look at. As we drove the cart to the 18th tee box it looked like quite a wait before we could tee off. She smiled at me and motioned me into the bushes next to the tee, where she gave me a 'you know what'...wow this was my lucky day. As we finished the round I asked her if she would like to make this a regular tee time and she said yes. We played every week for the rest of the summer with the same thing happening on the 18th tee box. I was one happy guy and really looked forward to our round together.
Towards the end of summer we were playing our golf and I noticed she was very pensive and I knew something was coming. Sure enough on the 18th tee box she said " I have something to tell you". I said " Don't tell me your married". No, I'm a man.

Vapros
07-25-2002, 10:41 PM
Pretty good, pal. I note that "I am" is the shortest sentence. Do you also know what the longest sentence is? "I do."

Cueless Joey
07-25-2002, 10:49 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Vapros:</font><hr> Pretty good, pal. I note that "I am" is the shortest sentence. Do you also know what the longest sentence is? "I do." <hr></blockquote>....
Ahhhhhhhaaaaaaaahh!!!
Classic!!!

Vapros
07-25-2002, 11:03 PM
Bluewolf, before long you'll by trying to get your finger back in the hole in the dike. But until you do, I'll add a couple of chuckles.

Many years ago I lost ten bucks on a bet that was too good to pass up. A guy offered to play me one game of nine-ball, in which he would play by the usual rules, but when it was my turn, all the rails would count as pockets, so that any ball hitting the rail could be counted as a ball in the pocket. In my mind, instead of rails and pockets, the table suddenly had a sort of gutter all the way around it. The guy even gave me the break! I gave it my best effort and for about five seconds the table was covered by speeding billiard balls. I claimed my money, pointing out that the nine ball had obviously hit a rail, and was now in the pocket. Instead of that, he spotted the nine ball and set up the cue ball next to it and fired it in and picked up the cash. His answer to my question was that the cue ball had also hit a rail, making my shot a scratch! I had no answer for that. Greed is a terrible thing.

This one's not about pool. A hunter in Texas shot a duck that fell into a farmer's field, and the elderly farmer refused to let him cross the fence to pick it up. The hunter, being a lawyer, threatened to sue the farmer for the duck. The farmer offered to settle the matter via the 'Texas Three Kick Rule', under which he would be allowed to kick the lawyer three times to start the procedure. In turn, the lawyer could then kick the farmer three times. This would continue until one of them gave up and conceded to the other.

The lawyer agreed to that, thinking that he could surely out-kick the old man. So the farmer, in his cowboy boots, planted a violent kick to the lawyers groin. The lawyer hit the ground and rolled around in agony, and when his back was turned, the farmer blasted him again, in the kidneys. Then he walked around in front of the man and kicked out most of his front teeth.

It took the lawyer twenty minutes to get to his feet, and he gasped, "Now it's my turn, you old bastard!" But the farmer wasn't having any of that. "Never mind," he said. "I give up. You can have the duck."

stickman
07-25-2002, 11:24 PM
possible bumperstickers

- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- A day without sunshine is like, night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- 42.7 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 % of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Remember, half the people you know are below the average.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I drive much too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- Support bacteria. They are the only culture some people have.
- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- Get a new car for you spouse. It will be a great trade!
- Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
- Always be modest, and be proud of it!
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of car payments.
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
- How do you know when you are running out of invisible ink?
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
-When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Not everyone has film.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
- I couldn't repair the brakes, so I made the horn louder.
- Why do psychics have to ask your name?
- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell
happened.
- Why is phonics spelled that way?

nAz
07-26-2002, 12:58 AM
A naked man was walking through the jungle when he came across
an elephant, the elephant looked at him and said How do you breathe through that little thing?

07-26-2002, 01:14 AM
A Buddy Hacket special, only it wasn't the guys teeth that got kicked. Ha! One of my all time favorites. I remember the first time he told that on Johnny Carson. Carson literally disappeared behind the desk, he was laughing so hard.

Fran

PQQLK9
07-26-2002, 06:16 PM
Subject: Why did the chicken cross the road?




WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see The plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white-washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
It was an historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook &amp; Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

GEORGE W. BUSH:
I don't think I should have to answer that question.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?

07-26-2002, 06:49 PM
That's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Thanks for the laughs!

Fran

SPetty
07-27-2002, 06:14 AM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Fran Crimi:</font><hr> That's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Thanks for the laughs!<hr></blockquote>Now that's funny! I swear, I'm sitting here at home laughing out loud at every single one of these things. I look over and say "That's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time!" and then I read Fran's post! Thanks, too, for the laughs.

SPetty
07-27-2002, 06:19 AM
Oh yeah:

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?




To get to the same side!



hahahahaha

Tom_In_Cincy
07-27-2002, 08:30 AM
Cheesemouse.

I very looong time ago, when I was first married, the wife asked me, "What's the object of playing golf?"

My reply was "To get the lowest score", then she asked, "What score do you start out with?" And I said "zero"

Her final question floored me.. "If you start out with zero.. what's the point?"

07-27-2002, 08:30 AM

07-27-2002, 09:29 AM
A Female's Prayer

Lord, Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who thinks before he speaks, When he
promises to call, he won't wait weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"

One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin, In the hall, the living room, the garden and kitchen! I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempt to
screw my best friend.

Amen



A Male's Prayer
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lord, I pray for a nympho with huge boobs who owns a liquor store. Amen

Tom_In_Cincy
07-27-2002, 10:00 AM
Sid,
Laughing.. out loud..

07-27-2002, 12:24 PM
Gee Sid, before I read this I thought Fran was taking a swipe at me!! LOL, It's funny anyway!!


Lorri is diggin' SPetty's new tag line!

SPetty
07-27-2002, 05:18 PM
<blockquote><font class="small">Quote: Lorri:</font><hr> Lorri is diggin' SPetty's new tag line! <hr></blockquote>Hey Lorri, your current tag line looks suspiciously familiar...

Thank MikeM for mine....

07-28-2002, 07:50 PM
Borrowed from my best friend Joe Boyce, who's far from dumb, and very, VERY tough!