wolfdancer
07-18-2007, 05:27 PM
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was
not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed,
but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever
seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw
that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a
misprint.
-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become
happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and
then she stops to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop
dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness But it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's
time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish
do in it.
-- W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work
its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . As you grow older, it
will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old
to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out
And finally:
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian,
you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Makes you wonder what Mrs. Bush thinks about her rat pack...
not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed,
but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever
seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw
that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a
misprint.
-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become
happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and
then she stops to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop
dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness But it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's
time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish
do in it.
-- W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work
its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . As you grow older, it
will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old
to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out
And finally:
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian,
you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Makes you wonder what Mrs. Bush thinks about her rat pack...