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S0Noma
01-24-2008, 10:52 PM
Madame, that is by far the ugliest nose I have ever seen, and I compliment you on it—it suits you!
—Peter Sellers, "The Pink Panther"

It's true: Some comments are better left unsaid.

But as a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?"

Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to diffuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.

Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:

1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.

2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.

3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.

4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.

5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.

8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.

9) "You complete me."
We've seen "Jerry Maguire" and most other romantic comedies far more often than you, and while we may (or may not) like cheesy movie lines, they usually fail in real life. We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.

10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.

web page (http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6014915&page=2)

sack316
01-25-2008, 10:40 AM
I'd like to add:

When responding to the question "Does my butt look big?"
DO NOT REPLY "Hold on a second, let me step back and take it all in".

Sack

SKennedy
01-25-2008, 11:21 AM
You can also add...."Where did you learn to do that?"

sack316
01-25-2008, 12:15 PM
lol, or "eh, your sister did that better"

this thread reminded me of a joke:

The Sensitive Man
A Woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment.

She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the
bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them and
she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side,
but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,

'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion
builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom

where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,

more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well,how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her,

strokes her cheek,

looks deeply into her eyes,

and says:

"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"

Sack

SKennedy
01-25-2008, 05:06 PM
Great joke....it's all about perspective.